I’ve cleaned and cleaned.
I didn’t like the cookies Midori-san brought and it’s no -fair- that Tsutomu-kun didn’t tell me when she was here!
And I’ve done my work for school but I’m…..
I go outside. There’s the vegetable garden we’re supposed to be working on. But there’s nobody to work on it. Ai-chan takes Yukiko-san and Eiji-san’s time because she’s just fussy fussy and cries -all the time-.
I’m not supposed to cry I’m not a baby.
I found the spot, yesterday. Where the grass is all scruffled and there’s a brown stain… and nobody tells me anything. Hahaue will be back. Chichiue is going to get her. It will all be okay, why don’t you sweep something? Oh, done sweeping? Then do some schoolwork. Ask your brother for help. Don’t pester the guards, they’re here to keep you safe. How about some more sweeping?
But there was -blood-. I heard Yukiko-san saying to Eiji-san that they cut off her hair.
Stupid garden. Nobody here to take care of you. Hahaue -promised-. Chichiue -promised-.
I start pulling up the plants and throwing them. Good! “Stupid plants!” I say. I’m crying and I DON’T CARE!
Tsutomu:
I’m trying to pass time. And from the roof I can see Makoto-chan, at first just wandering around the garden. Then she stops and starts staring at the vegetable garden.
Of course she’d want to work on it right? But she starts pulling things out until a lot of it is an utter mess. I get down and approach her but she’s crying.
“Stupid plants!”
“It’s not the plant’s fault.” I say and start picking up what’s salvageable. “Here help me put it back.” Stop crying. It won’t fix anything.
It’s not the plant’s fault
“I know that.” I kick the ground. “But nobody’s coming back to take care of it, are they?”
I rub my face with my hands. Oh, they’re dirty. “Are you going to tell me to endure?” He’s touching the plants, and the dirt, though.
“But nobody’s coming back to take care of it, are they?”
“It’s only been three days.” I tell her and get some water from the well. “Here wash your face.”
“Are you going to tell me to endure?”
“What’s wrong about enduring?” I look at my little sister, trying to act defiant on me. “When -my- mother disappeared, she was gone for weeks. He said he’d find her but then the weeks turned into a month and then we had to live with his friend for a while. He didn’t like my mother enough to keep looking for her unlike your mother.”
I place back some of the plant roots into the ground with my bare hands. I can wash them later. “I never got my mother nor my father back. And here you are only 3 days in, being a big baby about it.”
When -my- mother disappeared, she was gone for weeks. He said he’d find her but then the weeks turned into a month and then we had to live with his friend for a while. He didn’t like my mother enough to keep looking for her unlike your mother.
I look over at him. “But I heard that your mother is a very brave and strong woman.” I don’t think hahaue is that brave. She’s very small, for a grown-up, and can’t fight, like Kenji-kun’s mom. And Sakaya-san said that Fujita-sensei was the bravest. “How… did you endure? Did you have Tsuyoshi-kun and Eiji-san with you?”
If he’s touching dirt… then I can’t just sit here. I put back one of the broco-lillys. I don’t understand that he says that he didn’t get his parents back. Doesn’t he live here with chichiue? What did hahaue say about chichiue and Tsutomu-niisan’s mother? “It’s complicated.”
And here you are only 3 days in, being a big baby about it
I put my head down. “But sometimes I’m sad. And… that’s her blood, over there on the ground, by the bench, isn’t it? They took her and -hurt- her and I don’t know anything. I’m a baby who can’t know things but I’m not a baby so I can’t cry.” I sniffle.
“I want to be brave but I just want my hahaue.” I’m patting the dirt around the plant, and I think of her hands, nice and warm. “I’m having a hard time being brave like you.”
“But I heard that your mother is a very brave and strong woman.”
I couldn’t say much about that, except, “Stop listening to Sakaya.”
“How… did you endure? Did you have Tsuyoshi-kun and Eiji-san with you?”
“They were there. Tsuyoshi was a baby like you. Eiji-nii took care of us but… endurance is something inside you. You don’t get it from other people.”
She finally helps in putting the vegetable garden back in place. We saved most of them.
“But sometimes I’m sad. And… that’s her blood, over there on the ground, by the bench, isn’t it? They took her and -hurt- her and I don’t know anything. I’m a baby who can’t know things but I’m not a baby so I can’t cry.”
“You said you’d wait. So crying just means you don’t believe him.” I start washing my hands, “You can be sad, but don’t take it out on others or other creatures. These plants have life you know. If he doesn’t come back with Yagi-san then you can cry.”
“I want to be brave but I just want my hahaue.”
I want to ask her, but what would she do if she doesn’t get her haha-ue back? He’s failed to bring back people after all. I take her hands and start to wash it. Taking the little dirts out under her fingers. “You have me and Eiji-nii and Yukiko-nee-san and even Ai-chan. Okay?”
Stop listening to Sakaya.
“She’s not the only one who told me.” I say.
endurance is something inside you. You don’t get it from other people.
“Oh…” I say, trying to figure it out. “Is it like kendo? You get stronger the more you do it?”
I look at the garden. It’s not nice and neat the way hahaue does it. Some of the plants… I don’t know if they’ll be okay. The leaves are all torn up and crooked.
If he doesn’t come back with Yagi-san then you can cry.
I nod. He… seems to thin that it could actually happen.
You have me and Eiji-nii and Yukiko-nee-san and even Ai-chan. Okay?
He’s washing my hands, carefully. Even under my nails. “I’m a big sister, after all.” I won’t let Ai-chan see me cry… I put my arms around him and -hug-, very very tight not letting go. Even though my hands are still wet.
“Can you practice kendo? I’d like to watch that.” And I can practice enduring.
(OOC – you may close)
“Is it like kendo? You get stronger the more you do it?”
“I think so. You don’t get a lot of times to practice it though, unlike Kendo.”
She gives me a tight hug and I hold her back until she let go.
“Can you practice kendo? I’d like to watch that.”
“I guess I can. Show all those invisible guards, how it’s done.” I grin. “Go sit under the tree and I’m going to get my shinai.”
(OOC: End)