It seems I rely more and more on the conveniences of being a part of the Police System. But I’d rather get us to the Ball “fresh” and I know she’s been feeling a little insecure lately about her appearance. So I’m -not- taking any chances. The truth was that I came straight from work so I ended up dressing there and then scrambling to make sure the driver and carriage wasn’t reserved by anyone else.
I’m excited to see her of course. I remember back then, she not only looked good in a kimono but especially in those western dresses. She even used to twirl for me, though I no longer expect that, after all that was seven years ago. I suppose our relationship has matured somewhat? We’re no longer as spontaneous nor do we take as much initiative as we used to. Or is that just the natural product of this world?
The horse neighs and the carriage stops which brings me back to the now. I tell the driver to wait, it’s already a little dark but the ball doesn’t start until 8PM and should finish by 11PM. Not that I plan to stay there that long unless she wants to.
Going straight inside, I look for the woman who is my partner tonight. And hopefully, for all time.
(OOC: Saitou is now in their living room by the alcove, waiting for Hide. He is dressed in a frock coat, vest, gold buttons and 3 sleeves very similar to the below image – though he has nicer boots)
I spend the afternoon in a bemused state of anxious excitement… to be going -out- with him, on his arm… I have to present myself well.
Frau Susanna delivered the dress and everything else I would need Thursday, and wouldn’t leave until she was satisfied that I could dress myself. She also made some alterations – taking off the pearl trim (it was too much, and, since Japanese women rarely have jewelry, it left the dress “unbalanced”, per my knowledgeable dressmaker), and adding some lace and tulle to the neckline to give me another precious inch and a half or so of precious cover. “This is a rather modest dress already,” tutted Frau Susanna. “But you Japanese women always wish to be covered.”
It’s light blue, but with a bit of grey to the tone, that keeps it from being pastel, and the embroidered leaves and flowers give it the impression of Japanese fabrics… but it’s entirely Western. Apparently, Japanese design is all the rage among the artists in Paris and it’s filtering down to fashion!
I follow a guide from the paper, for an ‘appropriate look for a married woman’, and for once, my wavy hair is at its best – pinned up in whirls and braids, with a few curls hanging down the back of my neck. Makoto has spent the afternoon since she came home watching me prepare.
“What are those, on your legs?”
“Stockings.”
“Oh and what are you doing to them?”
“I have to fasten them here to my …. underthings, so they don’t slide down.”
“When you’re dancing!” At that she pops up on the bed, making some movement that ends in a leap off of the bed.
I laugh. “Dancing isn’t quiet like that,” I tell her. I step into my dancing shoes. “You… glide, like this,” I say, humming as I take a step-step-step, and I take her hand, leading her into a few steps of a waltz.
“My dancing is more exciting!”
It’s then we hear the door. Makoto runs over to the bedroom door. “Chichiue is home!”
Oh dear… I bite my lip. I don’t have a large mirror here, just a hand mirror. I hope I look right… I put a bit of powder on my nose, but what other cosmetics does a good Japanese woman wear? Frau Susanna brought some, but they were meant for European complexions.
I go over to Ai-chan’s crib, and pick her up. “I’m bringing you out here to your papa, so you will -listen- to him and be good for Yukiko-san tonight.”
Yukiko-san comes forward. “Oh, I’ll carry her – what if she spits up on your dress?” Makoto laughs, finding this funny, adding “or worse!” Yukiko-san nudges me. “Go, uncle is waiting.”
I kneel to pick up the loop at the train of my skirt, and go into the main part of the house.
I remember other places, other dresses, other meetings. How in the city of glass and steel I loved “wrap dresses” that mimicked my kimono, and wearing high-heeled shoes. I miss him ‘checking out’ my legs…
He’s there by the alcove, so… so -handsome-, in his uniform. I’ve seen him in uniform as long as I know him, but the formality, the authority, of this one is something new, with its rows of braids and lines of buttons.
I stop for a moment, in the doorway, and smile.
“Would you like me to twirl for you?” Not waiting for his response, I twirl, moving towards him as I step and spin, slowly. “So… will I suit?” I reach up to adjust his tie (!!). He looks a little too perfect to touch…
(OOC – pearls in the picture are not on Hide’s dress, and she has a more… curvy figure than the model – this is more accurate to a mid 1880’s silhouette)
I hear footsteps but only one and I’m -almost- glad. I smile not exactly knowing what to expect except maybe something beautiful. I can’t help but smile as she comes into view, her efforts clearly paying off. Where did she get that dress? But it’s not the dress that’s got my attention, it’s how she fits in it and how she looks back at me.
“Would you like me to twirl for you?”
She doesn’t wait for a response and just twirls. I’ve not seen that in a while and I cock my head to the side and check her out, taking my time. Finally, I shake my head a little mostly to bring me back to reality.
“So… will I suit?”
I take her gloved hand and kiss the top of it like a proper gentleman or what I remember a proper gentleman does. “I hope you don’t mind the company.” I tell her as she fixes my tie.
“I didn’t quite put as much effort into getting dressed.” I look down, “You don’t think my vest and shirt is a little tight don’t you? It’s been a decade after all.”
I listen for sounds of footsteps. I’m sure the rest will be coming down soon but I hold Hide out at arms length and look her over. “I will have to thank whoever made all this possible.”
I -know- he watches me, as I twirl for him… but that’s why I do it. And then I get a very proper kiss on my gloved hand.
I hope you don’t mind the company
“I could say… I love this company.” I finish with his tie, and stand on tip-toes for a soft, brief kiss. “You look wonderful yourself.”
I didn’t quite put as much effort into getting dressed. You don’t think my vest and shirt is a little tight don’t you? It’s been a decade after all.
I slowly walk around him, checking out his uniform, and, returning to the front, tug a little on the buttons of his vest. “Hmmm… maybe not the best night to stop at an all-you-can-eat soba stand on the way to the ball, but I don’t think you’ll pop any of those buttons.” I must be doing a good job at keeping him fit and fed… or, he says ten years ago… well, that was someone else.
I will have to thank whoever made all this possible.
“A very kind Austrian dressmaker, who let me rent this dress.” I look down at it with a smile. “She’s very talented.”
“Chichiue you need to tell Ai-chan to be a good baby when you’re gone!” Makoto-chan pops her head in. She’s on a mission… “Hahaue made lots and LOTS of milk for her, so she shouldn’t be unhappy.”
“Hmmm… maybe not the best night to stop at an all-you-can-eat soba stand on the way to the ball, but I don’t think you’ll pop any of those buttons.”
“Ah thank you for making sure.” I grin slightly. I did buff the gold buttons myself as soon as the sleeves were properly modified.
“A very kind Austrian dressmaker, who let me rent this dress.” “She’s very talented.”
“Is that so?” I look at her again with much satisfaction. “Maybe I’ll return that dress myself or accompany you on your next visit.”
“Chichiue you need to tell Ai-chan to be a good baby when you’re gone!”
And there it goes… “Hold on a minute.” I tell Hide and go to where Makoto is. I’d lift her up but I feel like this uniform is so tight I’d tear something.
“Hahaue made lots and LOTS of milk for her, so she shouldn’t be unhappy.”
“Thank you for keeping me up to date.” I pat Makoto’s head and watch as Yukiko brings over Ai-chan. I can’t help but touch the baby’s temple, clearing her wavy hair away from her eyes.
“Be a good little girl Ai.” I bend down and kiss her cheek. As I straighten up Yukiko seems quite pleased looking first at Hide then back at me.
“I’ll be sure to take care of her Uncle.” then she looks at Makoto, “Makoto-chan too.”
“Hide and I will be home quite late so don’t wait for us.” I tell Yukiko, then look at my daughter.
“I want you asleep when I get home Makoto.” Oh she might not but I’d like her to.
“Well our carriage is waiting outside.” I tell Hide. Of course she’ll give them one last look over.
(OOC: you can direct them to the carriage.)
Maybe I’ll return that dress myself or accompany you on your next visit.
“I’d like that,” I say. I don’t know if I could afford to integrate some Western clothing into my wardrobe, but it’s enjoyable to have this work of art, even if only for one night…
Makoto is pleased to be praised at sharing (loudly) about my milk… I see Tsutomu-kun down the hall, but I’m certain Makoto overshares with him alraedy…
But Ai-chan waves her arms and gurgles at her father. “You have your orders, little one,” I say, kissing her other cheek.
I want you asleep when I get home Makoto
She lets out a big sigh. “Maybe oniisan will let me stay in his room…”
“I’ll see you in the morning.” I lean over and kiss the top of her head. “I want to hear that both of my girls were good.”
She pulls on my hand. “Have a good time, hahaue, chichiue!”
We leave the house and I shouldn’t be surprised that there’s a carriage waiting. “Do you keep one of these at the ready?” I ask, smiling at him as he helps me up. The last time we left this house in a carriage, we returned with Ai-chan. At least I have an easier time getting up there this time…
“Maybe oniisan will let me stay in his room…”
“He might but again -sleep.”
I catch my son’s eye as we leave. He knows what to do. He’s the man of the house, even if he is still being a child about it – keeping his distance. I know he cares about them more than he resents Hide and I trying to live our own lives.
Hide and I get on the carriage and it goes on a leisurely pace.
“Do you keep one of these at the ready?”
“Not really. I was actually concerned I would either have to take you on horseback, or on a rickshaw or a palaquin or worst have you walk with me.” I chuckle and pull her close, “Can you imagine if we had to walk there? You and I would be sweating like pigs.”
I remove the glove from my hand and proceed to removing hers. I just want to feel her skin on mine for a minute.
“Now is there anything you want to know before we get there?” Of course I don’t want her to be grasping in the dark or trying to guess what I’ll say.
Can you imagine if we had to walk there? You and I would be sweating like pigs
“And what a waste of our combined efforts that would have been,” I laugh. “I think those buttons would be history, and I’d have to buy the dress off of Frau Weber.” I think, “horseback would have been romantic, but apparently there’s horsehair in part of the contraption supporting all of this in the back,” I reach back and pat the bustle. “It may have upset the horse we were riding.”
Ungloved, now, we hold hands, and my skin warms at the touch of his on mine. We share a bed, every night he’s home… but there’s something about the touch of hands that still makes my heart beat a little faster at the first touch.
Now is there anything you want to know before we get there?
“So this is a police ball, so I assume it’s for the upper ranks?” My gloved finger reaches over to touch the three lines of gold braid on his jacket cuff. “Your boss, his boss, those sorts of people?” I’m quiet for a minute. “They know about me, and that I’m… not the one you were married to before?”
I rest my head against his shoulder and inhale. The wool of this jacket is of a finer sort than his regular one. “You’ve not worn this much – it doesn’t smell like you so much yet.”
I chuckle as she details what our experience would’ve been had we walked or ridden a horse.
“Well worst comes to worst, I’d have gotten us rickshaws or palaquins but…” I squeeze her hand, “I wouldn’t be able to spend some time with you.” It’s odd but although we see each other almost everyday, the quality of our time spent together is not much. So we look for opportunities and excuses like this one.
“So this is a police ball, so I assume it’s for the upper ranks?” “Your boss, his boss, those sorts of people?”
“It is for Inspector or above.” I watch as she touches the bands on my wrist, “I’ll tell you a secret, I only had the last two bands added yesterday afternoon. That’s how old this dress uniform is.”
But she’s quiet and her next question, although doesn’t surprise me – worries me that this may be too much for her. But she said she wanted to go and I wanted her beside me.
“They know about me, and that I’m… not the one you were married to before?”
“The Keishichou (Superintendent General) – of course knows about you. He is Kawaji.” I think for a long minute, “He knows all my history as he was close to Okubo who recruited me back then. He doesn’t say much about my personal affairs but he did help us get that house.”
“There is another who knows, he’s the snooping type.” I sigh, “But I believe him to be a good man eventhough he’s gotten more familiar with the Battousai over the years, Uramura Muraki – the Police Chief. He and I report directly to the Keishichou. You might find him to be a more amiable man. But as for the rest…” I shrug, “I hardly remember who those people are. I’ve heard them talk but there are all sorts of rumor that goes on about me about the Shinsengumi or my personal life. As long as I don’t confirm anything – everything -remains- a rumor. I’m rumored to be married to a Tokio but they’ve never seen her as except for the one time – I was in front of Empress Dowager she never showed much interest in my work.”
“You’ve not worn this much – it doesn’t smell like you so much yet.”
I watch as she rests against me. I wonder is she smelling me because she needs some comfort before we get there? I let go of her hand and put my arm around her shoulders.
“When I introduce you, I’ll introduce you as my wife – Fujita Hide.” I don’t want to introduce her as my fiancé or significant other or future wife… Nor do I want to call her Tokio of course. That would be the same as erasing her.
I wouldn’t be able to spend some time with you.
After all of these years, it’s another simple thing that makes my heart soar. He just wants to -be- with me. For all the love, all of the passion… we do actually -like- each other. Yes, we may be touching while talking, but we need time in -our- time, not just the daily life that goes on without our involvement…
“I’d miss you, if you were trotting beside me while I got to rest in a palanquin,” I say, with a soft smile. “And then we’d have a sweaty person -anyway-.
I’ll tell you a secret, I only had the last two bands added yesterday afternoon. That’s how old this dress uniform is.
So that means he’s not been in a while… “so that’s why you’re so worried about the fit,” I grin. “Frau Weber told me that in Austria, some of the dress uniforms of the most fashionable regiments are cut to be very tight to show off the figure of the soldier – so much so that sitting takes some planning and -hope- that the pants remain unsplit,” I laugh softly. “But it appears you have enough room for that, at least.”
Hajime tells me of those above him, and they both sound like good and fair men. I know the name Kawaji, of course, he’s in the papers sometimes (of which I make a point to tackle on a daily basis, as much as possible). He’s an old Satsuma retainer, but here he is, working with and old Shinsengumi captain.
And that he managed to get our house back for us… well, for that I’m personally thankful. We could have made a home in another house, but this one is -special-.
“I wonder who the one is who brought the invitation by – Makoto said he had glasses and a little pointy mustache.”
But it sounds like Tokio, or the idea of him having a wife, sounds like a rumor at work, and that’s fine. His arm goes around me, and I wonder if he could sense that I’m nervous?
When I introduce you, I’ll introduce you as my wife – Fujita Hide
I turn in his arms and kiss him – properly, and with more force than I should in the barely-private confines of the carriage, and while we’re so close… but to hear that name from his lips, and that I’ll be there as -me-… -I’m- by his side. Not sneaking in under another’s name, or in some nebulous role, but his beloved wife.
I break away. “I promise… to be a proper and demure wife once we’re there.” I grin at him, softly.
Out the window I can see that there’s a throng of carriages around a brightly-lit building, just next to where Hajime works. I point at the building. “Are you still at the same window?” I’ve not been since we’ve been home, after all.
“I’d miss you, if you were trotting beside me while I got to rest in a palanquin,” I say, with a soft smile. “And then we’d have a sweaty person -anyway-.
“You really do think of yourself a princess. Imagine… Me trotting beside your palaquin?” I laugh, “Would you like a drink madame?”
“Frau Weber told me that in Austria, some of the dress uniforms of the most fashionable regiments are cut to be very tight to show off the figure of the soldier – so much so that sitting takes some planning and -hope- that the pants remain unsplit,” I laugh softly. “But it appears you have enough room for that, at least.”
“-I- don’t think there’s enough room.” I sigh, “But at least if anything does go wrong, this jacket is long enough to hide whatever wardrobe disfunction there is. Now if -you- ever have that problem, we’re going home right away.” I remember western dresses went down a little bit too much like that niece of hers… I stop. That’s a different time and place.
She listens intently as I tell her about the only two men who likely can affect us here but then I remember… “Kawaji can be a handfull at times and gruff or maybe even rough. Don’t mind him. He has a persona to keep up in front of the men.”
And as I tell her how the evening should transpire, she turns and kisses me – so I indulge in it, coaxing her to come closer and squeezing her already tight waist bound likely by a corset. I hold my breath as she ends it and I can’t help but look at her. She can’t kiss me like that – she knows that otherwise I’d have this carriage go to some corner so we can… But no. Tonight she’s my wife. I might be displaying her -yes-, but it’s only to let the world know she’s beloved to -me-.
She peers out the window as we draw near to the venue. “Are you still at the same window?”
“Same window. Just make sure Makoto doesn’t go sneaking into my office please.” I chuckle and let her go so she can straighten herself and me too, before we get off the carriage.
(OOC: You can lead them into the theatere and that’s it for me tonight. Continue tomorrow).
You really do think of yourself a princess. Imagine… Me trotting beside your palaquin? Would you like a drink madame?
I laugh… “that would never work, so I suppose you’ll need to have this carriage ready for us, so we can ride together, hand in hand.”
Now if -you- ever have that problem, we’re going home right away.
“Oh, I hope not. This dress,” I say, tapping on one of the lines of boning in the corset, through my dress, “is sturdy and well-supported.”
Kawaji can be a handfull at times and gruff or maybe even rough. Don’t mind him. He has a persona to keep up in front of the men
That’s not surprising, but I assume Hajime, “I’ll remember that.”
And then we share a kiss… unlike the kisses we’ve had lately, which have been kisses of parting or welcome, or goodnight… for a moment a wild thought about running off and having our own night goes through my mind, but… we have someplace else to be tonight. Fujita Goro and Fujita Hide… I smile at the name.
He points out the same window. “I’ll try to keep her away, but I hope that a six year old, even one as clever as -our- girl, couldn’t make it that far into the TMPD building.” I smile. She is clever, and wants -in- there.
The embrace ends, and I tend to my hair, and put back on my glove, and wait for the carriage to stop. Through the window, I can see other couples arriving, and I’m glad for my beautiful dress – I look suitable tonight, to stand by the side of my handsome husband.
There’s a line of carriages where each one stops in front of the theater and each person alights from the carriage and it’s not too late before it’s our turn. The door is opened from the outside by someone in uniform, a junior officer and I notice there’s a line of them all the way to the entrance door.
“Don’t get nervous.” I whisper to her but I have to ask if I’m saying that more to myself. I get off first so I can assist her as she gets off the carriage. She alights from the carriage and I can see a few young men check her out with their eyes. I throw them a glare – look but don’t touch. Seeing that there’s a long carpet, I’m relieved and let the tail end of her dress drop to the floor and offer her my arm.
“I don’t remember these things being so overly lavish.” I tell her as we walk outside and the junior policemen start to bow. “It’s probably because there are foreign guests.”
As we go into the grand hall, by habit I scan the entire room and I notice that the guests have not mingled yet. One can clearly see the demarcation line of the Foreign guests to the left and most of the Police and some military men to the right. The wives of the Japanese men seems to have separated from their husbands, looking a little out of place gathering around a western table. In fact, there is hardly anything Japanese here, except for us in the service.
“Fujita-san! Fujita-san!” A squinty eyed man starts waving to us. Of course he’d be the first one to spot us, but I am thankful. I do feel like a fish out of the water but knowing Hide is fairly nervous I must keep it together. So I lead Hide and I, to that particular group.
“Hide, this is Uramura Muraki-san, he is the Souichiro, Police Chief in charge of the Tokyo Area.” I give the Chief a polite bow to which Uramura-san seem somewhat amused as I can see his thin moustache twitch a little.
“Ah I’m glad to finally meet you Fujita-san. I’m glad you received our invitation and finally managed to drag this man,” He places his hand on my shoulder, “to this place. He has missed many police functions you know.”
I look at Uramura-san, that’s not the nice first impression I wanted to make on Hide. I’m not some vagabond police officer – unlike that good for nothing “rurouni”, who is his friend! But I suppose he knows the connection and is just joking.
“By the way Fujita-san,” he says in reference to both Hide and I, “behind me is my group of Captains in charge of each ward in Tokyo. Tokyo’s gotten so big – it takes a lot more men to supervise and keep the peace.”
I look behind him and there is at least 15 Captains. I’m surprised that he actually has this many men reporting under him and for each one of those there’s probably another 50 or more junior police officers. I must’ve underestimated Uramura – but that’s his fault, after all there were times when he presented himself as just another bumbling police officer.
“Glad to meet you!” They all say in unison and Uramura grins at me and I try not to roll my eyes.
We enter together, with me on his arm, and I take in the scene. I’d read that this was a lavish building, but the black and white photographs and sketches didn’t really do this place justice. It doesn’t even feel like Japan in here, except for the people. There is a cluster of foreigners, talking loudly in assorted languages, some of the men in colorful military uniforms, bedecked with shining medals.
I also see the Japanese woman, who are separated from their husbands. Is that normal for social functions at this level? I see only a few foreign ladies, but they remain with their men.
I’m introduced to Uramura-san, and I sink into a small curtsey, as Japanese bowing is not exactly possible in this dress for many reasons… “Honored to meet you, Uramura-san.” Now, looking at him… he must have been the one to bring us the invitation. Makoto described him perfectly.
I’m glad you received our invitation and finally managed to drag this man, to this place. He has missed many police functions you know
I smile at Hajime, then back at his boss. “Well he’s so dedicated to his duty, as you know,” I say. “but with your personal attention to getting the invitation to us,” I smile again, “we had to make it this year – and I couldn’t miss the rare opportunity to indulge in the exotic delights of Western fashion.” Of course, to be out with him in public was the real draw.
Then we’re introduced to a -group- of younger officers, who offer a coordinated greeting. Uramura-san seems pleased by this display, and maybe Hajime less so? But I curtsey to them as well. Rising, I address Uramura-san. “The TMPD really is growing, if your officer corps have developed to such a degree.”
“Well he’s so dedicated to his duty, as you know,” I say. “but with your personal attention to getting the invitation to us,” I smile again, “we had to make it this year – and I couldn’t miss the rare opportunity to indulge in the exotic delights of Western fashion.”
I’d tell Hide that Uramura was just being nosey like those dojo inhabitants…
“Why of course Fujita-san.” He answers Hide, “I’ve been very curious as to who the famed Mrs. is, of one of the best men in the force. See what made him tick.” He turns to me with a grin.
Is Uramura trying to be amusing? He’s been curious ever since I’ve had lunch with him and told him a little bit too much, that we were expecting – that all of a sudden he thinks he is a close friend of mine.
“Muraki! Good to have your men showing some courtesy to the lady.”
I turn and see Kawaji come in with a stride. He keeps his chest puffed out and I try not to laugh and how he conducts himself. His hand behind his back and all his medals proudly shows off in the light. That’s not a coincidence. He closes his eyes and look me over.
I’d ask him “What?” but I don’t and instead politely with much restraint, bow to him.
“Keishichou, this is my wife Fujita Hide.” I tell him. “She is from Kyoto as you know.”
“Hide, this is Kawaji Toshiyoshi-san, the Superintendent General who heads the -entire- police force formally here in Tokyo but also has much influence in the police prefectural system.” I stop short of calling him, the 4th most important person of the Meiji after Okubo but in fact he was – but it’s such a wide difference. “He is responsible for the entire police reform and promoting national peace in this country.”
“That’s right Fujita!” He nods his head and then glares at each man here straight in the eye, “Our motto! No sleep! No rest!”
I try not to grimace. I do agree with his motto, just not his delivery of it. I nod agreeably just like the others. I’m a pretty good dog of the Meiji government in certain things.
“Everybody except Muraki and Fujita is dismissed.” He sends the rest of the men away and stares at me.
Now I get to say it, “What?” I ask him.
“You came which is good but you’re not dressed appropriately.” He stares at my chest.
“I dressed as best as I could Keishichou.” I tell him a little embarassed that Hide is a witness to this. I’m not about to go against Kawaji in such an important function. He is my boss after all. “Look at Muraki, he has his medals from the war. Now I understand you prefer not to have men reporting under you in your “current role” – but your past achievements in the Meiji government should be proudly be displayed especially at these times.”
“Oh but this is the first time he’s come to the police ball sir…” Uramura tries to help me out, “It’s only understandable…”
“Muraki! This man was under my command in the 3rd brigade in the Seinan war. He was serving as one of my platoon captains. Spent almost a year at war. Scaled mountains to capture 2 cannons, went back to rescue his comrades who were left behind and was all over the Nichi Nichi Shimbun newspaper.”
I groan. Does he really have to list all this?
“The Order of the Blue Paulownia was hugely deserved. It was also a present from Empress Dowager. It’s unacceptable that he does not display it here of all places.”
Great. I’m being reamed by my boss in front of my peer, thankfully he sent most of the lesser officers away… But still in front of my wife! This is not the good impression i was going for!
Why of course Fujita-san. I’ve been very curious as to who the famed Mrs. is, of one of the best men in the force. See what made him tick.
I laugh softly. “I’m sorry, Uramura-san, but I’m loyal, as a good samurai’s daughter would be, and I’m afraid I can’t share my husband’s secrets.” I am pleased to hear that he considers Hajime to be one of the best men in the force…
I’m introduced to Kawaji-san, who is shorter than I would assume him to be.
He is responsible for the entire police reform and promoting national peace in this country.
I curtsey to him. “Honored to meet you, Kawaji-san,” I say. “And as someone who lived in Kyoto during those long years of war, I’m glad that my children are getting to grow up in a peaceful time, where I know they’ll be safe. The police have been such an important part of that.”
The younger officers are dismissed and then Kawaji-san starts to critique Hajime for not wearing a medal of some sort. This is the first I’ve heard of it… and then he launches into listing Hajime’s accomplishments in the Seinan war… again, things I’ve not heard before. It’s part of those years where we were apart… before we really met.
Hajime looks… grim. Probably at the public airing of his accomplishments, and the criticism over not being “dressed properly”.
All over an award that I’ve never seen…
“Oh dear,” I say, bringing a gloved hand to my face. “Goro, I’m so sorry…” I look up at him, and then back at the two other men. “We keep this in safe-keeping at home, as such a treasure, touched by the Empress Dowager herself, should be. I didn’t realize that it was a part of his dress uniform… ” I smile, apologetically, “this is all so new for us. Although, I gather, not for our guests,” I indicate the foreigners, some of who are absolutely covered in decorations. I look again at Hajime. “I’ll know better for next year, Goro.” I glance back over at the other men. “I’m so proud of what he’s done, you know, and a wife does want her husband to look his best.”
Kawaji is cross at my lack of decorum and now both Hide and Uramura is trying to help me out of the situation.
“Goro, I’m so sorry…” “We keep this in safe-keeping at home, as such a treasure, touched by the Empress Dowager herself, should be. I didn’t realize that it was a part of his dress uniform… ” I smile, apologetically, “this is all so new for us. Although, I gather, not for our guests,”
She makes apologies that seem to appease the Kieishichou and he starts having a softer expression on his face. “Well since you put it that way Fujita-san…” He turns further away from the crowd and suddenly unpins a medal from his breast. “I doubt anyone would miss this Blue Paulownia, they all look the same.”
He gives it to Hide, “If you can please fix his attire when you find the opportunity.”
Uramura smirks at me a little and I stifle a groan.
Now looking more calm the Keishichou finally addresses Hide’s earlier compliment to him.
“And as someone who lived in Kyoto during those long years of war, I’m glad that my children are getting to grow up in a peaceful time, where I know they’ll be safe. The police have been such an important part of that.”
Kawaji nods at her. “I’m glad to hear you appreciate the work of the Police, Fujita-san. I haven’t seen you drop by the Police Headquarters for a long time, several years in fact – maybe it’s time you bring him lunch again.” But he knows who she is and on one hand I’m glad he’s just going along with it.
“Oh but Kawaji-san, she makes him a very good lunch! I’ve had his spread before!” I raise an eyebrow at Uramura.
“More like try to trade for my lunch.” I mumble.
“Well I have many others to see to.” Kawaji looks at me, “Make sure you try to blend in Goro.”
I’d tell him, yeah right. He’s the first person who might end up blowing my cover tonight.
“Well Muraki-san, I’m going to find a table for Hide and I – before it gets anymore exciting.”
He laughs.
(OOC: You can direct them to a table if you like)
If you can please fix his attire when you find the opportunity
I curtsey again – is that right? I don’t know if they curtsey as much as we Japanese bow, but… “thank you, Kawaji-san. I’ll make the necessary adjustments and after, make certain this is returned to you.” I carefully look at the medal… so this is how it’s done now?
I haven’t seen you drop by the Police Headquarters for a long time, several years in fact – maybe it’s time you bring him lunch again
“I would love to do so, thank you very much,” I reply. I would like to, but I’d have to plan for it. “As your work allows, of course,” I tell Hajime.
Oh but Kawaji-san, she makes him a very good lunch! I’ve had his spread before!
More like try to trade for my lunch.
I laugh, “oh, dear, Uramura-san, I do hope that there’s no trading going on – you’ll hurt the feelings of the women who pack the lunches, who make it just -so- for their husbands.” I smile.
“That’s why Goro’s has soba so often.” That, and I need to make sure he’s eating properly – I wonder if he even noticed how thin Hajime was by the end of his mission this summer.
Hajime mentions heading for a table and I find that idea welcome. We find a small one, off to the side. I sink down carefully in the chair. “Would you like me to attach it?” I look at the thing – it’s not as gaudy as the ones the foreigners are wearing by the dozen, at least… Quietly, I ask, “what happened to yours?”
Kawaji leaves as soon as Hide assures him that my attire will be taken cared of. I suppose it is an important function, but why he chose to make a point of it and Hide bringing lunch I will have to find out later.
“oh, dear, Uramura-san, I do hope that there’s no trading going on – you’ll hurt the feelings of the women who pack the lunches, who make it just -so- for their husbands.”
“Oh don’t worry, my wife is with the other women at the far side of the room keeping to themselves. She can’t possibly hear us.” He sighs a little, “Ever since the attack in our home, she and my daughter has been a lot more apprehensive about getting more acquainted with the Police.”
I remember that attack. And unfortunately such is the life of those in the service, which is why I guarded with much ferocity Tokio and the children’s privacy. And as for what happened in Ito, I was already too careless by then, thinking my past couldn’t possibly rear its ugly head in a peaceful tourist town.
We excuse ourselves and Hide finds us a table, a little bit to the side where we can have some privacy.
“Would you like me to attach it?”
“You might as well, otherwise Kawaji will be on your back too.” I smile wryly and look at the thing. It wouldn’t be out of place on my uniform, just a plain old medal with the Blue Paulownia tree on it and a red and white ribbon attached to the top bar.
“what happened to yours?”
I’m surprised she asked. I grin only slightly as she attaches it. “Tokio kept it…” I pause recalling the night of the ceremony “As a reminder of how Aizu handed the western army back what they deserved.” I can’t help but add dryly, “I suppose this makes it the last year we’ll be attending this ball.”
There is now some background music playing as distinguished guests are introduced. I vaguely hear the name Yamagata Aritomo and his entourage but it’s hard to see the guests from this vantage point as more guests arrive. With the exception of Yamagata and a few Genro-in, the names that followed seemed to be mostly of European origin. “From Prussia… From France… From Britain…” After a while it all became background noise.
I look at Hide, “Ah now I feel rather sorry that I haven’t gotten to know more of my colleagues on a personal level. It leaves me unable to introduce you to their wives and partners.” I try to crane my neck a little. I hope she doesn’t feel out of place being the only Japanese woman separated from the rest of her pack.
Oh don’t worry, my wife is with the other women at the far side of the room keeping to themselves. She can’t possibly hear us. Ever since the attack in our home, she and my daughter has been a lot more apprehensive about getting more acquainted with the Police.
From what I know beyond this place… that was a bad time for his family. Having had my own home in Ito invaded and torn apart, I have a great deal of sympathy… “Uramura-san, please introduce us at some point tonight – I would be delighted to meet her. We may even,” I smile, “swap recipies.”
The other Japanese women remain clustered but I think we’re all in a bit of a muddle about what to do – we’d all know how to act if we met in the market, or in one another’s home… but in this place of foreign formality, where the men know each other through work but the women are strangers… now wonder they’re all quietly off to the side, together but not really speaking?
I unbutton my glove at the wrist and and pull out my hand so that I have the dexterity to carefully attach it, and not damage the pin -or- poke Hajime. “I don’t want to injure you on your night out,” I say, making sure that it’s level and centered. Sitting back, I smile at him. “Now, we’ll see if that makes him happy.”
Tokio kept it… I suppose this makes it the last year we’ll be attending this ball
“We’re not going to let that stop us.” I stare into his eyes, wishing we had some privacy, but under the table, before I fix my glove, I let my bare fingers touch the place on his wrist where his gloves stop. I grin a little, “besides, since all of your collogues know that you have such a charming wife, you won’t be able to avoid this in the future.”
We watch as more dignitaries come in. “Ah, look at all of that… I wonder if the Japanese will be outnumbered at our own ball?” I ask. I see the famous moustache of Yamagata Aritomo… a crowd of loud Americans, and some of Frau Susanna’s Austrian countrymen…
Ah now I feel rather sorry that I haven’t gotten to know more of my colleagues on a personal level. It leaves me unable to introduce you to their wives and partners.
I smile. “But you see… at least then they’ll just know of me as your wife.” No sly questions, or little comments… well, I suppose there’s always rumors, and maybe some of these Choshuu and Satsuma men married Aizu wives who knew her… and there will always be those looking for “drama” at events like this. I straighten my shoulders, then look at the tables. “Is this for sitting, or will there be a dinner served?”
Hide attaches the ornament and sits back, saying she hopes it makes Kawaji happy.
“He’s very proud of that war.” I tell her a little disappasionately. “Too many people are.” It’s not like I dwell on it. I’m just glad to have gotten out alive along with Kanbee. But too many people took it too far and I can only look back on it with disappointment even if Tokio thinks it is my -greatest- achievement. And now I suppose Hide will think the same, after her encounter with Kawaji.
Her fingers grazes my hand under the table. “We’re not going to let that stop us.”
I meet her gaze and shrug, “I wasn’t going to let it.” But these type of functions is not my favorite but there’s hardly any opportunity to let her come into this part of my world that’s not all blood and gore – but in that she is not unique. My eyes settle upon the Japanese women all huddled to one side, not speaking. The word in Japanese for a wife, is “Kanae”, which means inside. I used to call Tokio that and definitely kept her inside, but Hide?
“Ah, look at all of that… I wonder if the Japanese will be outnumbered at our own ball?”
“They certainly can try.” I reach into my breast pocket for a cigarette and start to smoke and let my eyes drift from one end of the room to another.
“But you see… at least then they’ll just know of me as your wife.”
I nod at this. It’s true I want them to know but as usual my worries get the best of me. Not because we’ll be found out, to me she is my wife… But that there’s a certain level of safety on being anonymous as well.
“Drinks for you sir?” A server comes over with some alcohol and it pulls me out of my mulling. “Some sake would be good.”
“Oh unfortunately we’re only serving wine and champagne tonight.”
“Something -dry- then.” I look at the server, “My wife here is getting hungry, will you be serving food soon?”
“Ah we did used to do that last year but sir, as you can see pretty much everyone keeps to themselves and so Kawaji-san was insistent to try out the “buffet style” of dining. If you and your lady are hungry then may I suggest getting in line.” And he points to the general direction of the food.
“How about you madame? Would you like some drinks? The champagne is fairly good and bubbly.” He smiles at her.
He’s very proud of that war. Too many people are
He’s never spoken of it, and his tone now isn’t inviting it. “Ah, well, the things you do have to be proud of… I suppose no medals were given out for that.” Softly, I add, “much of what you did remains hidden , so … no medals.” I look at him. “Your sense of justice needs no ornaments to keep it true.” I’m proud of him, because of what guides him is what matters, because the bravery, the way he puts his life on the line and keeps living despite it all…. not exploits of a single battle.
He pulls out his cigarettes and starts brooding… I know this isn’t his area of comfort, but he’s doing it to give us a place outside of our home to exist as a couple. That’s why we endure all this world throws at us… to get to a life where in all places we’re like we are tonight.
A waiter comes up and tells us that food is a “buffet”… oh dear, more confusion.
How about you madame? Would you like some drinks? The champagne is fairly good and bubbly.
I shake my head. “Thank you, but no, but if you have water?” Since I’m feeding Ai-chan I better not… I stand. “Come, let’s get something?” I hold out my hand for him. I wonder if the food, too, will be Western… probably so, since we’re being served wine.
“Your sense of justice needs no ornaments to keep it true.”
I look at her. “That war was the vindication of Aizu. The only thing that made her proud.” I shake my head, “I apologize. We’re here to be together and here I am thinking of -her-. No more talk of that.”
Hide refuses the alcohol and that’s very wise of her. I’m glad. The waiter tells her he’ll bring some water back later.
“Come, let’s get something?”
I stand up and put out the cigarette. I take her hand that’s offered to me and immediately I feel a little lighter.
“Imagine, all these dignitaries and they’re making us line up.” I whisper to her with a grin. “Now are you going to eat, eat or are you still working on your figure?”
I hold up her plate. She and I are very familiar with this spread, one table has various kinds of “salads” and the other has all the meats and potates one can desire. I know what I’m going for…
I apologize. We’re here to be together and here I am thinking of -her-. No more talk of that.
Always Aizu… I have my loyalties, too, but they don’t drive my entire being… I know that there were former Shinsengumi who fought on the other side of the Seinan war, after all…
But he speaks of talking of her, and I shake my head. “I asked the question… I should have guessed,” I said. “But you’re right, no more, or I’ll think that all of my efforts tonight were wasted,” I say in a playful tone, and a grin.
Imagine, all these dignitaries and they’re making us line up
His whisper tickles my ear and I giggle softly. “Yes, all of us commoners with the dignitaries… either Kawaji-san wants us to “mingle” or he’s more radical than any of us ever know,” I whisper back.
Now are you going to eat, eat or are you still working on your figure?
I shake my head. “Oh, no, no, tonight, whatever I wish…” I love the food of my country, but I miss some of the flavors that I had elsewhere. I probably won’t see much with tomatoes tonight, but the rest….
And looking as I do tonight, and seeing my figure in the corset… Frau Susanna was right. I’m only “soft”, stretched out from having a baby as big as Ai-chan. And besides, the man beside me doesn’t mind my battlescars any more than I do his.
Ah! There are tomatoes, albeit chopped up and in a salad with cucumbers, but I’ll take them. Most of the rest of the cold foods I pass on… “Who do they find to cook this sort of foo?,” I whisper to Hajime There’s only a handful of Western restaurants here, even in Tokyo…
It’s the hot food I’m more interested in. Roast pork… and beef! Potato croquettes… string beans. A wide selection of bread! The women behind me, who seems to be without her escort, has a nearly empty plate, and through her round glasses I can see her apprehension.
“It’s not all so heavy – but I would advise to try the meats – they don’t cook the fish the way we do,” I smile. “So the more unfamiliar food can the the most palatable since it doesn’t taste ‘wrong’,” I advise.
“But you’re right, no more, or I’ll think that all of my efforts tonight were wasted,”
“And i don’t want it wasted.” I reply back. I’m glad for a moment that I got out of my brooding, after all she placed much effort to be with me tonight and if I were here and my mind a hundred miles away? I’d like to make her happy if I could.
“Yes, all of us commoners with the dignitaries… either Kawaji-san wants us to “mingle” or he’s more radical than any of us ever know,”
“I think he got it wrong.” I chuckle, “Now if this was a room full of single men and women, this setup may work. But everyone here is already spoken for.” I grin at her, “Like yours truly.”
After taking her fill of tomatoes and cucumbers from the “healthy” table, I didn’t know she loved tomatoes? She comes to my side and we take our fill of all the meats and carbs we can muster. For a moment I wonder what the other people behind us might think. But then she starts to speak to another japanese woman, without her escort… What is it with us Japanese men and leaving our wives alone? I suppose I am the abberation here however.
The woman thanks her and does try the meat instead of the fish. “Good choice.” I tell the lady as she speeds away to be by herself again. I guess good Japanese women don’t speak to men without their husbands present?
We eat together and I enjoy the wine. It pairs wonderfully with the steak I’m having.
“This isn’t quite like the steak in the city of steel and glass.” I tell her, “A little dry.”
“How are your tomatoes?” I grin, “Maybe we can start a vegetable garden if you like those a lot? Our children can grow up as farmers.” I tease.
“After this would you like to dance?” I know before I’d never ask her to but I suppose tonight, I’d like her to have a good time. “We’ll find something slower?” I look at the people now congregating in the middle of the room and dancing a rather fast waltz.
OOC – will reply tomorrow
And i don’t want it wasted
I smile back. “Nor do I want your efforts to fit in your ten year old uniform wasted.” I shake my head. “Western clothes – so unforgiving!”
Now if this was a room full of single men and women, this setup may work
“Oh dear,” I say, with a laugh. “I’m not sure if I want the TMPD running ‘mixers’!”
But everyone here is already spoken for. Like yours truly.
I can only grin back. The woman in line behind us gawks a little, but maybe we can set an example of a couple enjoying each others’ company? She does take some meat, but only a tiny portion, and goes back to the clutch of women, who all have equally bare plates…
I look down at my full plate and smile. “Well, since I’m still sustaining Ai-chan… I have to keep my strength going.”
He seems to enjoy his steak, but I can tell it’s a drier than the ones we’ve seen before.
How are your tomatoes? Maybe we can start a vegetable garden if you like those a lot? Our children can grow up as farmers.
My eyes light up, “I was thinking I should try to grow some this spring… you liked the steak there, I miss the variety of vegetables, but this tomato most of all.” I take a bite of the salad. “Cold and uncooked, or made into a sauce…” I sigh, “it’s shame that it will a long time before people eat these here, so, until then, I may have to have our children learn farming.”
“After this would you like to dance? We’ll find something slower?”
“Oh yes.” I put down my fork… “I’ve been looking forward to dancing all night, the food was an unexpected bonus… but, I think I’ll need to ‘work’ some of this off. But let’s start when they switch to something slower… for us old folks.” I take a sip of my water and wink at him.
She likes the idea of starting our own vegetable garden. I’ve been meaning to start one and share it with Tomu but now that we’re all together, maybe it can be a thing we do as a family. I grin at her slightly, “Well I’m more familiar with planting tubers as up North we couldn’t grow much above ground.” I chuckle, “Kondou-san I think would be very proud of the two of us even if we won’t be raising our own cattle.”
A few more songs is played by the Orchestra – too fast but eventually they will tire won’t they? Most of the people dancing are the foreigners and their wives. Hardly any Japanese men and women are on the dance floor.
I take a few more sips of the wine, trying to build up some carriage for my lady. I can’t chicken out. Not like how I used to. I remember a dance we shared once, away from the people, outside in the cold. I hope tonight fares out better.
Finally it seems the orchestra has slowed down the tempo and I stand up.
“Would you like to dance milady?” I say in English and hold out my hand. If we’re going to not be a proper Japanese couple today, we may as well go all in. “Your Captain would like the pleasure of your company.”
I watch one side of the room where that Japanese woman disappeared to and I’m not sure if it’s us speaking in English or that we are actually willing to try to dance in the middle of all of these strangers, that all their eyes seem fixed on my lady. I only grin at them and at the other white men in the room who seems to have taken an interest in her. Well she’s spoken for.
I lead her in the middle of the room and the orchestra starts playing a slow waltz. The announcer said the name was “Tale from the Vienna Woods.” I laugh a little and whisper to Hide, “Your Frau Susanna would know this song yes? But I bet you are a better dancer than her.”
Ah that’s always been true. I just need to keep up with her.
(OOC: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=INPYhoMXjsE)
Well I’m more familiar with planting tubers as up North we couldn’t grow much above ground. Kondou-san I think would be very proud of the two of us even if we won’t be raising our own cattle
“I think he’d be pleased with our practicality, but maybe not at some of the “exotic” species I want to plant.” I laugh softly. After all, some people think that tomatoes are either an ornamental or poisonous to eat…
We watch the dancers for a bit, it’s a beautiful swirl of the dashing uniforms of the men and the beautiful dresses on the ladies. And there, on the sides, our own people, huddled up. Goodness!
Would you like to dance milady? Your Captain would like the pleasure of your company
I rise from the table, and sink into a curtsey. “This lady would be honored, sir,” I reply back in English, holding his hand as he leads me onto the floor. I’m aware that we’re being watched, but I only have eyes for one man.
The beautiful music starts…
Your Frau Susanna would know this song yes? But I bet you are a better dancer than her.”
I grin softly at the compliment, even knowing that she’s probably been waltzing since childhood, wondering if the woman who makes such lovely dresses for dancing has someone to dance with?
I let the music and the man I love carry me away in the dance. He’s a wonderful dancer, of course.
“I think he’d be pleased with our practicality, but maybe not at some of the “exotic” species I want to plant.”
Ah… I was thinking of a vegetable garden – but maybe she’s also thinking of expanding her flower garden instead? I’d ask her what exotic plants – but we’re already in the middle of the dance and I can’t help but stare into that lovely face.
I hold her gloved hand in mind and we start of slow and go with the flow of the room. We’re not alone on the floor and as the music crescendoes I realize I’m a little bit half a step behind the rest.
I twirl her away and pull her back and as she returns to me I whispher, “Ah I’m sorry. We’re a little behind because I’m just copying what they’re doing.”
Holding her waist again as we dance and I turn her to the side and we go just like the rest around the dance floor in a loop. “It’s amazing we’re not bumping into anyone.” I watch and I wonder if she’s discretely guiding us out of trouble.
“It’s been years since we last danced.” But then I see the couples let go of their partners and hesitantly I let her hand go to another. He’s tall with a red nose. Likely a Russian.
And a tall woman with golden locks and very fair complexion is passed on to me and I smile at her politely and slightly bow. We dance but my eyes scan the sides, to see when I’ll get my Hide back.
It’s a wonderful blur of music and movement, and in the middle of it all… him.
Ah I’m sorry. We’re a little behind because I’m just copying what they’re doing.
“Are we?” I lean in to ask, softly. “Because I feel that it’s just you and I on the floor right now.”
It’s amazing we’re not bumping into anyone
This dance seems to have… a group component that I didn’t anticipate, but I try to follow along, while following Hajime. What hard work dancing is! But what other time can a Japanese couple be in each other’s arms in public like this?
It’s been years since we last danced.
Before I can answer… there’s some part of this where we change partners? Then there’s a giant, red-nosed man in front of me. He says something I cannot understand as I bob a slight curtsey. “I speak English,” I offer. “Fujita Hide,” I say, pleased to use this name.
“Ah that is good for I cannot learn Japanese!” he says in heavily-accented English as he whirls me across the floor. “Why do no more women of Japan dance?”
“It’s very new to us,” I answer, “not just the dance, but the music is different than what was traditional in Japan.”
“But you learn!” He huffs, as we dance. I have to move quickly to avoid his feet… but then I’m twirled back and I find myself back with Hajime.
I smile at him. “I wasn’t expecting that,” I laugh softly. The music moves towards a final movement, then ends. “Ready to have a break?” I ask, keeping my hand in his.
I finally get Hide back after her adventure with the Russian and the waltz finally ends replaced by something much slower.
“Nocturne Op. 9 No. 2 in Piano” the announcer says. It’s an odd way to announce such a beautiful tune.
I pull Hide closer to me this time, unlike the waltz that demanded we hold each others at arms length and turn and twist and turn. This one… I lay my cheek besides hers and close my eyes for a minute – laying my hand fully on the small of her back and drawing her a little too close.
I whisper, “I’m not embarassing you am I? It will only be a minute.”
And finally the music ends. It was a short one I think to myself. “A 10 minute interlude ladies and gentlemen for our very talented orchestra.”
I let Hide go and there’s an outburst of applause for the musicians and I too follow the crowd and clap as appreciation.
I finally answer her question ““Ready to have a break?””
“Yes. Let’s go back to our table.” I see the waiter had refilled my wine glass and her water.” If we were elsewhere I’d say I’d give the man a good tip but we’re here – in Japan at the time of the Meiji.
(OOC: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TqyLnMa3DJw)
“I’m not embarassing you am I? It will only be a minute.
“Oh no, my love,” I answer, nuzzling my cheek softly against his. The music is beautiful, but, again, the pleasure for me is being held close. Music has always been important to us, music from all sorts of times and places… but it’s so rare that we get to dance. Maybe it’s not proper… or maybe people will see a loving couple, who are just happy to be together.
Me? I am awash in delight.
We return to the table and I’m glad for the freshened water.
Well at least I accomplished what I came here for tonight. To take her out where people know me -possibly- and enjoy a dance or two. I take a cigarette out and start to smoke content. Maybe things can work out, if the worst was just Kawaji complaining about my uniform… I look across at the woman whom I consider my wife and smile.
“Fujita-kun!” I stand up and face the Keishichou and behind him is a much taller man. My eyes grow wide realizing who this man was.
Kawaji smiles smugly at me, as if he knows something I do not. “Sir Vincent Howard, this is Fujita Goro – a Superintendent working under me. He was sent to London a few years ago and amongst the men here have the best command in English.”
“How do you do…” I stare at him intensely, my mind racing as to what does this man know or don’t know. I offer my hand and consider whether I should get out of the way and introduce Hide… Can I hide her? But there’s no use in that. She’s likely already seen him.
“This is -my- wife. Fujita Hide from Kyoto.” I almost stammer. Who else is here in this place.
“Glad to meet you Fujita-san.” He says in English and then nods to my wife, “You too madame.”
I throw Kawaji a glare. Why did he bring him here? Does he know? How much?
(OOC: Yes it’s the same Sir Vincent, only a few years older than what Saitou remembers. I’ll leave it up to you how Hide reacts or if she even remembers.)
Hajime is relaxing, just smoking and smiling back at me…
Sir Vincent Howard, this is Fujita Goro – a Superintendent working under me. He was sent to London a few years ago and amongst the men here have the best command in English.
I blink. I remember him… somewhat. I try to think back… but it was so long ago, and… it was such a strange time. I followed Hajime out to another world, to find a respite from one of our difficult times. We had just reunited in Ito but I was still in my fog of self-recrimination and depression and struggling to break free and -connect- with the man who came back to me… and London was meant to be a break for us. But it only came with more complications. A prop of a dead husband, meant to give me freedom that I wouldn’t otherwise have in that place…
Hajime almost trips over the introductions… and I can’t miss the empathisis on a certain word.
“Pleased to meet you, Sir Vincent,” I say, smiling. “I speak English as well – my husband taught it to me in order to keep his skills fresh.” I laugh softly, “and it helps us keep secrets from our children – that is, until they catch up, since they learn it in school.”
Who else has come from London? Did I meet him there? And where… it -time- did it happen?
(OOC: will reply tom)
Kawaji gives me a corresponding glare in response, one that indicated, “Be -nice- or else”. I grit my teeth and remind myself I’m one of the best undercover cops in the force, I can handle a little deviation even if it’s very much unwelcome.
“Pleased to meet you, Sir Vincent,” I say, smiling. “I speak English as well – my husband taught it to me in order to keep his skills fresh.” and it helps us keep secrets from our children – that is, until they catch up,
She smiles at the Briton and I watch her carefully. She doesn’t seem to recognize him? I was told the problem with me was that there’s always just one of myself. I let out a breath and try to relax a little.
“That is fortunate indeed!” Sir Vincent exclaims, “Who would’ve thought that Kawaji-san? You’ve been keeping me company all this time and yet here is a couple who can speak English.”
Kawaji smiles wryly, “Yes that’s right. Unfortunately my command of English is rather poor.” He sighs, “We have several men here who can speak French and German but English not so much.”
“That’s fine. After all I am just your guest.”
“Well after traveling with the Iwakura missions, I realized that we need more exposure to the British Policing System.”
“And I told you I’m already retired from that job. I’m merely here in Japan to widen my experience with the world and observe Imperialist governmental systems like here in Japan.”
“And so you will by working with Fujita-kun. He can share with you how we do police business here and we would be very -grateful- if you can share your methods in the London Police, the Scotland Yard to be exact.”
Howard tilts his head and shakes his head, “You don’t take a “No”, do you Kawaji-san?”
“Nope! Certainly not!” Kawaji nudges me to the front. “So Fujita-kun get to know the man.”
“Well Kawaji-san, isn’t the Meiji government being a little selfish? I told you, I’m here in Japan in a mission to understand other cultures and politics to bring back to my home country. I don’t think a mere exchange of police intelligence and methodology will accomplish that.”
Kawaji stares at me first and I almost shrug. What does he want? To baby sit this old man? And he’s no ordinary man – unlike what Kawaji thinks. But Kawaji’s eyes settle upon Hide whom Vincent’s body language seems to indicate he’s interested on what she maybe able to offer. Kawaji grins – I give him a glare – my eyes clearly saying “Don’t you dare!”
“How about it Kawaji-san? Fujita-san?” Sir Vincent pulls on the curls of his moustache, “Maybe the lady would like to indulge an old man with a dance and we can start there?”
“No.” I answer under my breath but Kawaji overpowers my answer with a resounding “YES!” The boss continues, “You’ll find that Japanese women are not only an excellent example of a “Good Mother and Good Wife”, but also a National Treasure.”
“Ah but in Britain, we leave the decision up to the lady.” He holds out his hand towards her.
I heave a sigh and start to smoke, while I let Kawaji sweat it out. Unlike me that Kawaji -might- be able to force, Hide is not one such person. And if she doesn’t remember Vincent, I guess there’s not much harm is there? Unless she actually -does- remember him and is keeping it from me, in which case – I suppose I should know the reason why.
“We’ll be playing a very popular song called “Waltz of the Flowers” from a popular Russian composer Tchaikovsky! We invite everyone to join in.” There’s that announcer again…
I drop my fork, but it’s so I can lean over to Hajime and whisper, “I don’t think he remembers me,” I say in Japanese, as I lean over and retrieve the silverware from the floor. Although I’m not certain we met? Maybe? My London memories are as foggy as the weather; I really only recall unabashedly chasing after Hajime, craving the affection and connection that we were clumsily trying to rebuild in “our” world…
But the men talk, and Hajime seems annoyed by the man’s presences. I thought they got along there?
However, I cannot miss how he looks at me and my stomach sinks. Apparently, I’m not plain and middle-aged enough, this keeps happening.
Maybe the lady would like to indulge an old man with a dance and we can start there?
So here’s another one. And this one can -openly- threaten Hajime’s career, his calling. The caped man could take him down… but this man has power, too, of a different sort.
Hajime mutters a rejection under his breath but Kawaji-san is ready to hand me over.
Ah but in Britain, we leave the decision up to the lady.
I shake my head, feigning pity, but Kawaji-san keeps going on… Is this man -trying- to make trouble? And after I was scolded for not being -nice- to the last one…
“Very well, but I’m afraid I won’t be a good partner – we had a daughter just a few weeks ago so I’m still a bit fatigued,” I say, reluctantly rising.
We get on the floor, and we’re barely in the first movement, before there’s a tap on Sir Howard’s shoulder. “May I?” says a man, in accented English.
“Ah, Field Marshall von Lindenberg!” I look over at the tall man, dressed in a splendid uniform with -many- medals on his coat, and an air of weary authority. I’m handed over, and again I’m left in deep annoyance of the men in this world…
“Frau Weber did a good job – it pleased her to have a Japanese customer,” he said, as we whirl away. He looks at me, but in a different way – he’s looking at my dress! “She asked that I keep an eye out for you.”
“She did, for which I’m most grateful,” I respond. she mentioned other customers in passing, maybe she dresses this man’s wife…?
He says nothing else for a bit, looking almost bored with that stern face as we dance. “I’m part of a long-term mission from my Emperor,” he says, a bit dryly.
“Ah, until I met Frau Weber I wasn’t aware of many Austrians here in Japan,” I say. The papers are full of the French and English and Prussians, all here to advise on something that we are supposedly terribly deficient in – the military, the police, education, trains…
“Thankfully Susanna is here.” And for a moment, as he says her name, his expression shifts just a bit, and his blue eyes take on a different look. Then the music ends. “Is that fellow over there, staring daggers at me, your husband?”
I nod – I’m too short to look over the crowd to confirm, but I’m certain it’s Hajime. “Well, I’ll introduce myself, and you can tell him, later, that I’m a taken man.” It’s then I realize… that my dressmaker and I have something else in common.
We walk in the direction of the table, but I can’t see who is actually still there with all of these people in the way.
“I don’t think he remembers me,”
So she remembers him? I don’t say anything and watch as he takes her. Wasn’t he supposed to be with a woman named Nor, his wife?
“Don’t worry Sir Vincent is a good man.” Kawaji tells me, “Besides I only wanted to get on his good side because we can use the intelligence and he was looking quite bored tonight.”
“Isn’t that man already married?”
“How do you know?”
I shrug, “A guess. He’s not young.”
“Well I suppose he had a mid-life crisis and quit his job in the Police and along with that, filed a divorce with his wife.”
“You know I don’t like peddling my wife even if it’s for this particular cause.”
“I’m not peddling her and… Fujita-kun.” Kawaji meets my eyes evenly, “She’s not your wife -yet-. Besides it’s in every Japanese persons interest to push the agenda of the Empire of Japan.”
“Damn it Kawaji. You sound more and more like Yamagata.”
We stop speaking as Kawaji spies Howard making his way back to our table.
“Wonderful woman you have Fujita-san. I would’ve wanted to spend a little more time dancing but an acquaintance Von Lindenberg seems quite taken by the lady.” He throws the pair a nod and I can’t help but throw this “Von Lindenberg” a glare.
“Well Sir Vincent, how about I introduce you to the rest of my men. We can catch up on work with Fujita-kun sometime next week.”
Vincent laughs and tells me goodbye and I give him a stiff bow. He was a good man from what I remember in London but I’ve become ill at-ease. Immediately I finish the rest of the wine and start a smoke.
“These events really does make a man want to drink.”
I sigh. Another one?
“I’m surprised to see you Yamakawa-san.”
“That’s my line Goro.” He grins. “I’m glad to finally see you at an event. I go to almost all of these balls, Yamagata-sama likes to drag his men. So what brought you here?”
I observe Yamakawa from head to toe, wearing a very elaborate army dress uniform. His various medals especially from the Seinan war proudly displayed. I look behind him and Hide and her new “companion” is about to return to the table.
Do I send Yamakawa away? At some point he will find out. After all he is Tsutomu’s god father and Eiji’s benefactor.
“I’m with someone.” I nod over to the direction of the pair. “The woman’s name is Yagi Hide.”
“Oh?” He looks her over. “She carries a western dress well. Is that her beau?”
I shrug, “I’m sure she’ll introduce us.”
I can finally see that our small table is crowded… Kawaji-san remains, and Sir Howard is still there… along with another Japanese man, an army officer, in a splendid uniform. He’s talking to Hajime… is this someone else he knows?
“Gentlemen,” I say, as we return. “Goro,” I say, “please allow me to introduce Field Marshall von Lindenberg. My dressmaker is his countrywoman and asked him to look out for me,” I say, as von Lindenberg bows.
“Gernot von Lindenburg,” he says, bowing slightly to Hajime. “Part of the delegation from the Empire of Austria, as I was telling your wife.”
He seems to know the other Japanese man. “Good evening, Yamakawa-san,” he says, “thank you for the invitation for this evening.”
Saitou:
Hide returns and introduces the Austrian.
“Goro,” I say, “please allow me to introduce Field Marshall von Lindenberg. My dressmaker is his countrywoman and asked him to look out for me,”
“I’m sorry you just missed the Keishichou and Sir Vincent.” I tell them both.
I give Hide a wry smile, “It’s good that someone has taken it upon themselves to “look out” for you.”
“Gernot von Lindenburg,” “Part of the delegation from the Empire of Austria, as I was telling your wife.”
I take a drag and just nod at him, while keeping an eye at Yamakawa’s reaction – but he keeps his face impassive. I’m sure he didn’t miss what this man just said.
“Good evening, Yamakawa-san,” he says, “thank you for the invitation for this evening.”
“I hope you find our hospitality enjoyable von Linderburg.” Yamakawa replies evenly and only smiles at Hide.
“Hide you’ve never met Yamakawa Hiroshi haven’t you? He is the hero of the Seinan war from Aizu. He won that war for the Meiji government.” And then in a more quiet voice I add, “He was also working closely with a mutual acquaintance of ours, Hijikata-san during the Boshin war. He is Tsutomu’s Godfather and is Eiji’s sponsor in the Army. It was a surprise to see him here as we just saw each other in Aizu last week.”
“Truly indeed.” He bows slightly to Hide, “I am truly -surprised-. And that von Lindenburg, kept an eye on you out of everyone here is much surprising still.”
(OOC: Both Kawaji and Sir Vincent was already gone by the time Yamakawa found Saitou)
It’s good that someone has taken it upon themselves to “look out” for you.
Von Lindenberg pulls out a cigar case, and offers one to Hajime and Yamakawa-san before lighting up. “Frau Weber was concerned that some of the Western guests would be…” he stops to take a few puffs to get the cigar going, “there’s a reason the rest of the Japanese ladies cluster together like hens at these events.”
I wonder why she didn’t tell me? That would have been useful… but maybe it was obvious from how we weren’t following the others, and staying together, that I wasn’t aware of the old adage that women know – that there’s safety in numbers – and that he needed to step in. After all, Sir Howard’s looks were -not- subtle.
I’m then properly introduced to the other man, and I curtsey. “Ah, I think you may have known my father, Yagi Gennojou,” I say, “you were a part of Matsudaira-sama’s delegation when he was Kyoto Shugoshoku, if I remember correctly?”
Although I don’t miss the “from Aizu” part… so he must know Tokio and that I’m -not- Hajime’s wife, no matter how feel about it. After all, it sounds like he’s closely affiliated with the family…
I am truly -surprised-. And that von Lindenburg, kept an eye on you out of everyone here is much surprising still.
“I think my dressmaker is rather perceptive, and the sort that fusses over people,” I answer. Von Lindenberg must be at a high rank… does the Japanese army even have a “Field Marshall”?
Von Lindenberg bows at all of us. “Ma’am, I’ll report back that I did as requested,” he says, with a bit of a sardonic grin, “and pleased to meet you, sir. Yamakawa-san, I’ll see you at tomorrow’s review?” He leaves, going over to another delegation of foreigners.
We’re given cigars and I go ahead and take one eventhough I don’t care for them. But in the company of these types of men, one has to keep up.
“Frau Weber was concerned that some of the Western guests would be…” he stops to take a few puffs to get the cigar going, “there’s a reason the rest of the Japanese ladies cluster together like hens at these events.”
“Ah but all those women are wives of honorable Japanese men here.” Yamakawa interjects. “They are all spoken for and are probably huddling around as is the custom in Japan. It’s actually an aberration that couples stay together although I understand in the west that is what’s expected.”
“Ah, I think you may have known my father, Yagi Gennojou,” I say, “you were a part of Matsudaira-sama’s delegation when he was Kyoto Shugoshoku, if I remember correctly?”
“I was.” He looks at Hide, “Unfortunately we were on business and couldn’t spent much time getting to know the rest of the household nor the men. It was very early on you see.”
I remember that time. We served Matsudaira true, but we were only serving because we were looked at as cheap and easily manipulated labor. But in time, that changed as we proved ourselves to our new masters.
“Ma’am, I’ll report back that I did as requested,” he says, with a bit of a sardonic grin, “and pleased to meet you, sir. Yamakawa-san, I’ll see you at tomorrow’s review?
Not being in the mood for pleasantries, I only nod at the man. Whatever business he has with Yamakawa, is his business.
“Actually Yamagata-san is probably waiting, so I should go as well.” Yamakawa starts to leave, “Goro, I haven’t seen my Godchild in a while. I’ll be visiting soon.”
“In that case I’ll have to get your our address.”
He puts his hand up, “It’s alright. I’m sure I’ll be able to find it.” He bows again and leaves.
So he knows… And seems confident he can find out where I live. He’s truly become part of the establishment.
Ah but all those women are wives of honorable Japanese men here. They are all spoken for and are probably huddling around as is the custom in Japan. It’s actually an aberration that couples stay together although I understand in the west that is what’s expected
A raised eyebrow from von Lindenberg is his only reaction as he takes a puff of his cigar.
Unfortunately we were on business and couldn’t spent much time getting to know the rest of the household nor the men. It was very early on you see
None of those Aizu people came to the house, of course. Not after Serizawa, not after Ikedaya or any of the notable events. However, my father was proud of the connection to a daimyo…
Von Lindenberg leaves us, and, after a conversation about visiting Tsutomu-kun, Yamakawa leaves as well, and we’re finally alone again. I sit down, and under the heavy tablecloth, I reach for his hand.
“We got two dances,” I say, softly, tracing his fingers with mine. Even if I can’t see it… I know that hand very well.
“We got two dances,”
“We did.” I look to the side and smoke some more.
“If you’re hungry, I can get you some more food… Otherwise we should call it a night.” I don’t know what to say about that other life. I didn’t do well back then. And as for this one that wants to visit, let him.
“I guess those two dances was as good as it was going to get.”
I think of tomorrow, I’ve been delaying checking in on Shindou mostly because I wanted to put my efforts here. But now, I suppose I have to go work. I’ll worry about what Kawaji wants later.
OOC – will post tomorrow
We did.
I look down as he looks away.
I guess those two dances was as good as it was going to get
“Was it?” I ask. I look at him, holding onto his hands. “We got two dances. In this world… we have to take the victories we can. We’re lucky that the carriage didn’t set on fire on the way over; or attacked by bandits.”
“In this world where everything seems to be against us… I’ll take two dances. I want more, but… ” I smile over at him, softly. “It wasn’t just two dances. It was seeing how you looked in this uniform. How you looked at me… how delightful it was, while my body is still recovering from bringing our daughter to this world, to -feel- this beautiful.”
“I can lament that we didn’t get more… or that those forces against us reared their heads again… or that the past diversions to other places still linger. Or… I can be thankful to have been in your arms.” It’s these moments of light, together, that give me what I need to go on here. To be strong. To have hope.
I hear the music start up again, and smile. “One day, this song will be used in a movie, and will be given words… I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream. Can I have a dream and one more dance?” I stand and hold my hand out. “Now I’ll be forward and ask you, for the last dance of the night?”
(OOC – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Sb8WCPjPDs)
“In this world where everything seems to be against us… I’ll take two dances. I want more, but… ” “It wasn’t just two dances. It was seeing how you looked in this uniform. How you looked at me…
I look back at her. She does look beautiful and in this world we hardly get the opportunity to live a little like we used to. Why? Maybe she’s right. It’s too hard.
“I can lament that we didn’t get more… or that those forces against us reared their heads again… or that the past diversions to other places still linger. Or… I can be thankful to have been in your arms.”
It’s not much being in my arms… I’d tell her. I just watched her be passed between a few men and I was powerless against them. At least tonight I didn’t deny who she was regardless of whom we met or what the consequences will be.
“One day, this song will be used in a movie, and will be given words… I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream. Can I have a dream and one more dance?”
It’s that it? That we’re always relegated to dreams? To trying? If that’s the case maybe she should just have her own dream. The life that should’ve been hers to claim without much friction. It’s because I keep trying for the impossible that everything is against us. A woman should find lasting peace and happiness, not fleeting moments of bliss.
She stands and hold out her hand. I should do the manly thing and just tell her we should leave but I had always found it hard to disappoint her hopeful self. So even if, it seems the most impractical thing of all, a denial even, I quietly take her hand and lead us to the middle of the dance floor and we dance.
He says nothing to what I say… only takes my hand with an air of resignation and the look in his eyes knocks the breath out of me.
What happened tonight?
No… I know. It’s this world, punishing us again.
We’ll never be forgiven.
They may never win, the ghosts of the wilderness and London and everywhere else that we’ve dared to be together… but they’re happy enough to make sure we never get what we want.
What we try… will never be good enough. And I have a feeling… that he’s starting to believe them.
Softly, so only he can hear, I sing to the music.
And I know it’s true
That visions are seldom all they seem
But if I know you
I know what you’ll do
You’ll love me at once
The way you did once
Upon a dream
How do I convince him that a dream is worth fighting for? That I’m -here-. With -him-. No matter what? That I can endure this? That there’s nobody to give me up to? That if he tells me to go… it’s not another life I go to, but what I had all those years we were apart. A never-ending night, my children lost to me in sleep, while I sit in a lonely copy of our home?
The music ends and I just stand there for a moment.
“Don’t just let tonight fade out,” I say. “We need to go somewhere, where we can talk.” I look at him. The way time passes here, we’ll be forward another week and never have talked, and another problem will layer on the ones we already have.
We dance and I keep her close enough so I can hear. I know the song that she sings, in a different place and time. It’s a nice song of lovers, but mostly for dreamers.
The music ends as it always does and we just stand there. All the people around us likely thinks we don’t know what to do and they maybe right.
“Don’t just let tonight fade out,” I say. “We need to go somewhere, where we can talk.”
But I don’t know where to go… Except across the street. So I nod and take her hand, quietly weaving through the crowd and go by a side exit to an alley. It’s dark but I know the alleys well around the Headquarters, I’ve met many informants there.
But those images, makes the world around us feel intangible and the exterior walls of the buildings waver as if they weren’t solid for a moment. I squeeze her hand just to see if she’s still there but -that- I feel solid and we’re finally in the TMPD compound and I enter through another lonely door typically unused except for shadowy figures like me.
“There should be no one in the 2nd floor, since the officers are still at the theatre.” I tell her and open the lock to my office. It’s dark so I turn on one of the lights, just enough so we can see each other but not enough that anyone would think there’s somebody here. I lock the door again.
“I locked the door, if your dress is too tight, you can loosen it up.” I watch her again, this lovely woman in my office, “Don’t worry it will be safe. I won’t try anything here.”
We leave and he leads me back to his office. He turns on one dim light and I look around – it’s mostly unchanged from the last time I was here, many years ago.
I locked the door, if your dress is too tight, you can loosen it up. Don’t worry it will be safe. I won’t try anything here.
“Thank you,” I say, and I undo the uppermost and bottom buttons of the top piece of my ensemble. I fish the pads out from the inside of the chemise between my corset. Just a little wet… so I replace them with a spare set that I have in my little bag. Then I reach under the back, and take out some of the bustle padding. I sit on the sofa. “Oh, that makes sitting a bit easier,” I smile, leaning my back against my seat – the first time I’ve been able to do that all night.
“Come sit with me. I won’t try anything here,” I say, repeating his words.
“First… thank you for letting me be by your side tonight. As your wife. Even to an old Aizu associate…” I look at him. “I liked that, more than the dancing, the buffet… to be with you, out in -your- world.”
I watch as she fixes herself and replaces the padding in the front and back. The one in the back I think is supposed to be there but the padding in the front was unnecessary since her bust is already “full”, so that means she’s protecting the dress from leakage?
She leans back and looks a bit more relaxed and I’m glad. The night started off just fine but as it went deeper, relaxing nor enjoying was hard to find.
She asks me to sit beside her and I nod. First removing my frock coat and then untying the buttons of my vest. So I sit beside her.
“First… thank you for letting me be by your side tonight. As your wife. Even to an old Aizu associate…”
“We’ve gotten that far.” I meet her gaze. “if I backed out because of him, then I…” I don’t finish it. She’d be upset if I did. “Yamakawa is not only Tsutomu’s godfather nor Eiji’s benefactor but he is a marriage sponsor to Tokio and I.”
In some way I’m surprised that Yamakawa didn’t say much in that encounter. I’d at least expected him to say something about my being with Tokio in the castle grounds last week. But perhaps he found a foreigners presence limiting.
“What did Vincent say to you?” I thread carefully on this one. I know she’s not like me that is cursed with a certain type of personality nor singular reality.
He gets more comfortable, as well. I reach out for his hand.
Yamakawa is not only Tsutomu’s godfather nor Eiji’s benefactor but he is a marriage sponsor to Tokio and I.
“Ah… these connections go far, don’t they?” I sigh. “And is he like Kurosawa, related to both Tokio and Yaso-san, or is he simply a notable person to sponsor Aizu’s ‘model couple’?” I ask. The adoptions… I have a hard time keeping track of it all. And maybe if he’s not as connected, personally, to Tokio… maybe he won’t make trouble.
What did Vincent say to you?
“We didn’t talk – we only had a sort time before von Lindenberg broke in,” I tell him. I look up. “I can’t remember London very well, I think when I was there I met him, but …” I sigh, and then smile wryly. “Most of what I remember of London is chasing after you, and not so much about your boss, but he seemed… to be a more honorable man there than he was tonight.”
She holds my hand and I look down at it.
“is he like Kurosawa, related to both Tokio and Yaso-san, or is he simply a notable person to sponsor Aizu’s ‘model couple’?”
“Even though the Shinoda’s were from the same class as the Takagi’s, Yaso and her brother were truly orphans and lost their deeper connections to the clan. Yamakawa was Matsudaira-sama’s right hand and ran the entire settlement in Gonohe, while Kurosawa was only a village leader in Sannohe where Yaso and I lived.”
She tries to answer my question about Vincent and that she can’t remember that place well.
“You weren’t you after all.” I tell her, “neither was I.” I tried my best to get that part of me back and in a way he did come back but never settled his question, much like I can’t seem to settle mine. But that’s for me to worry about so I address her concerns about Vincent.
“I didn’t expect him.” I refrain from telling her -who- i expected, i’m sure that wouldn’t go over well. “Kawaji told me he recently left the Police and is currently divorced. But he’s not here looking for…” I look at her, “He’s looking for knowledge to bring back to his country. Imperial and cultural knowledge.” But do I buy that? Can I take anything at face value anymore?
I let go of her hand. I need a smoke. “Did von Lindenburg tell you anything about why he’s here aside from representing his Austrian Empire?” Of course I already noted what I heard earlier but I was too distracted to read more into it. It’s not unusual to hear of accounts of Japanese women being subject to preying foreigners but it goes both ways, especially at the brothels. I puff on my cigarette.
“Yamakawa-san seems do be doing well in the Meiji government, if his uniform and presence in Yamagata’s entourage are telling the true story.”
You weren’t you after all. neither was I
This is where our existence can be so… confusing.
I didn’t expect him. Kawaji told me he recently left the Police and is currently divorced. But he’s not here looking for… He’s looking for knowledge to bring back to his country. Imperial and cultural knowledge.”
I sigh. “And is cultural knowledge include the wives of his colleagues?” I frown. “He just … -looked- at me when we danced, like when we were at the table.” With his hand now taken by smoking, I play with the ruffles of my dress. “Did Kawaji-san notice his behavior?”
Did von Lindenburg tell you anything about why he’s here aside from representing his Austrian Empire?
“He wasn’t very talkative when we danced… he complimented the workmanship of my dress,” I said. “I think… he and Frau Susanna have a… relationship.” I look at him. “It’s the way he said her name… ” I smile softly at the man whose name always comes from my lips a certain way, “it’s unconscious, almost – and why else would he put himself out to look out for a customer of a dressmaker?”
“But what he said – maybe it’s not just custom that drove the Japanese wives to huddle together, to avoid foreigners.” I don’t know many myself. “Maybe I’ll ask Frau Susanna for more information when I return my dress.”
I shift so I can lean against him. For a moment, I just take in his smell, his smoke. I like this room… it -feels- like him.
“There’s always something, isn’t there? I don’t know why I attract attention…. if it’s another man who is here just to make a point that I’m “free”…” I rest my head on his shoulder. “I’m taken. I have the life I want, that makes me happy. I have wonderful children with the man I love, and, in my heart… I’m as good as married to you. I’ve pledged my life to you. Heart, soul… all of it.”
“And is cultural knowledge include the wives of his colleagues?” I frown. “He just … -looked- at me when we danced, like when we were at the table.”
“It was no different when he looked at you in London. When you two danced, but he was with someone back then and so were you.” Somehow that just came out and I remind myself she doesn’t remember this time.
“Did Kawaji-san notice his behavior?”
“Likely not. And even if he did, he would expect cooperation.” I shrug, “Don’t worry about it. I’ll handle it.”
“I think… he and Frau Susanna have a… relationship.”
“You mean she’s his woman?” I take a long drag on my cigarette. If I wasn’t doing the same thing, deluding myself that it’s all okay as long as… I’d ask Hide if this Von Lindenberg is married. It’s quite a common occurence after all for men in high positions away from their wives all the time to find comfort and companionship elsewhere. Not much different from me I suppose. Taking Advantage.
“But what he said – maybe it’s not just custom that drove the Japanese wives to huddle together, to avoid foreigners.” I don’t know many myself. “Maybe I’ll ask Frau Susanna for more information when I return my dress.”
“You could.” But the truth was, if there was anything like that truly happening on a wider scale, either the police has turned a blind eye to it or the department as I’ve told Kawaji has grown weak.
She rests her head on my shoulder as I smoke.
“There’s always something, isn’t there? I don’t know why I attract attention…. if it’s another man who is here just to make a point that I’m “free”…” I rest my head on his shoulder. “I’m taken. I have the life I want, that makes me happy.
She says this and I think of a reason, “Maybe it’s because I can’t protect you.” After all just because she says she’s happy, has the life she wants and pledges herself – doesn’t mean the other is not true. And besides is she really telling the truth? Well of course she is. The person she is -today-.
I sigh, “Sorry I didn’t mean to say that. I must be tired.” I blow a smoke up in the air. “The ball should be over soon, how about you sleep and before the cock crows I’ll wake you and I’ll find a way to get you home?”
It was no different when he looked at you in London. When you two danced, but he was with someone back then and so were you
“I wasn’t with anyone in London…” I look at him, a little confused. “I came to be with -you-. There was the story of a dead husband… but…” I close my eyes, this talk makes my head hurt. “I made a setting so I could be with you. A chaste marriage to a man who was dead by the time that “game” started so that… at least in one world, I could give you something I couldn’t here.” I shake my head, “but you seemed baffled I was chasing after you – and chased I did, rather shamelessly.” I try to think back. “And I was a nurse there, as you asked, so I could take care of you. But that world ended before I could find out if you wanted me.”
I sigh. “We’re -confusing-…. but at least I’m not alone.” I remember, once, back in Ito I tried to speak of it to a friend and I’m lucky that she didn’t call a doctor on me.
Likely not. And even if he did, he would expect cooperation.
“Is this the legacy of sonno joi? Revere the Emperor, expel the barbarians, but hand over the women?” I scoff. I’ve never been political… I reach over and take off the borrowed pin, and place it on the table. I don’t want it on him, the award that belongs to a weak man.
Maybe it’s because I can’t protect you
I’m quiet. “Protection is… more than a sword. Protection means… standing with me. Like you did tonight, faced with a man who knows the truth about your marriage.” I look at him, my hand caressing his face. “Protection means standing strong, even as this world tries so hard to break us.”
“The more you doubt yourself… leads to the more you doubt us.” I close my eyes. “I’m not leaving. It’s not because I’m stubborn, or stupid.” My voice gets quiet. “I’m protecting the man I love, the family I love. The children I love need their father, and Makoto needs her brother. I protect a man who needs me,” I smile, softly. “As much as I need him. I don’t normally get to use my tanto – but I make sure you live, and try… to give you a good life. The life you should have always had.”
That’s why I hate her. It’s not that she won’t give him up – it’s not even that she didn’t love him. It’s that she never even liked him. Never tried. He was a trophy, and trophies don’t need to be happy. He wanted a good life with her, in the beginning, in the wilderness. The man I met wasn’t a letch chasing a woman… he was a man who lamented a marriage that had failed before he even had a chance to have it.
“So I… persevere. Even when it’s hard. When the man with the cape or Himura-san lecture me, tell me that I’m foolish… I stand by you, by us.” My eyes seek his, and then I slide over to his lap. “Am I foolish?” I kiss him, softly, once, twice, three times.
(OOC: will reply tom)
“I came to be with -you-. There was the story of a dead husband… but…” I close my eyes, this talk makes my head hurt. “I made a setting so I could be with you. A chaste marriage to a man who was dead by the time that “game” started so that… at least in one world, I could give you something I couldn’t here.” I shake my head, “but you seemed baffled I was chasing after you – and chased I did, rather shamelessly.”
I bring my cigarettes to my lips and hold it there for a long moment before finally speaking, “I thought you loved him and when you told me you two tried to have children together…” I puff some more, “I couldn’t move forward – because the shadow in my dreams would not have…” I shake my head, “It doesn’t matter. We ended up together anyway, albeit in a jail cel.” At some point I did get over not being her first. I knew it was unreasonable but I wanted her too much that as long as I didn’t know the details – I could ignore it, put it in a closet not to be opened.
She’s upset about Kawaji and takes the pin from me. “However you feel about Sonno joi or the Meiji government, many men lost their lives trying to complete the revolution. It’s not our revolution but I do want it -done- so we can move on.” I think for a moment of Okubo, his dreams of a Nation State that I only scoffed at as a lofty dream, but it was a dream we could hold on to – Kawai said so himself.
“Kawaji is one such man today, so even if you find offense in how he may treat you or other women – we live in a time that seemingly unreasonable demands maybe warranted.” Of course she may disagree with me, but surely she understands that even I have crossed those lines many times perhaps more so today than I did as part of the Shinsengumi. I reach out and place it back securely in my pocket. I should return it to him but as for the medal that is with Tokio, she can keep it.
She tells me about protection. How she defines it. Her definition more vast but much more forgiving. My definition, much more narrow. Protection so strong that no one dare comes near and that would be possible if I picked up my sword for that reason, but that is -not- justice. I’ve been accused of not being -him-, not being one of them, or no longer being -myself-. What does that really mean?
“The more you doubt yourself… leads to the more you doubt us.”
She carreses my face and I let my hand lie limply and the cigarette butt falls to the floor. She tells me about protection, of our life, our family, our children. That I should live and she wanting to give me the life that I should’ve had. What she says is true. I’m not him, she knows doesn’t she? I’m a fake and if we lose everything, it will be my fault. But that’s okay I want her to be blameless – after all I’m a man from a failed marriage who looked for comfort in her bed. What came afterward, all -this- came from that.
but I make sure you live, and try… to give you a good life. The life you should have always had.”
I look back at her. I do have a good life, much happier than I’ve ever been. More than in Kyoto, Gonohe and much less than in the wilderness. And yet eventhough I live it – I know how easily it can slip away, because my love is fragile unlike hers that is pure and strong.
“So I… persevere. I stand by you, by us.” “Am I foolish?”
She sits on my lap and kisses me three times. I know the message contained in that kiss. I take her cheek in my hand and shake my head, “I don’t know.” I look at her eyes that seeked mine. “Maybe.” After all, it wasn’t only until recently that I realized I was trying to protect someone who wasn’t even under my protection.
What would I do if anyone of them came back? Or worst, if I decide she’s better off by herself because she’s too good for me? Or even worst, if I stray and repeat to her what I did to Tokio – in that case… A man who can’t uphold his beliefs is better off dead.
“A long time ago, we spent more time making love than solving our problems.” I press her close to me, “You can’t keep giving me perfection.” I smile wryly, “It’s very difficult to live up to.” Oh I know I’ll be accused of trying to change her for my benefit. That’s probably true. Well what else can a man like me, who only knows how to kill people, come up with?
“It doesn’t matter. We ended up together anyway, albeit in a jail cel.
I smile slowly. “Yes… I think that’s where we left there.”
Kawaji is one such man today, so even if you find offense in how he may treat you or other women – we live in a time that seemingly unreasonable demands maybe warranted.
“Women now, and should the right diplomat ask for a child, what then?” I sigh. “But won’t we always be the weaker power if we give into such demands for treasure?” I look out the window, where, from one side, I can see some of the glow of the building next door. “Or am I just naïve?” I sigh. “And next time a Shishio rises, how can this government show strength?”
“I want a country worthy of the blood you’ve been shedding for it. Of the time you lose with us. One where I know my daughters won’t become numb to seeing a body in the street because, well, it’s the third one this week, as I did.” I pull off my gloves. “I remember in the stories… that Okubo had a vision for a new Japan. It sounded like… after what we went through… not too bad of a vision.”
But he’s quiet as I speak, of love and family and protection. I know for all the ways we’re in sync, there are things we differ on.
Maybe
“Maybe,” I repeat. “Maybe… wanting something -good- is foolish. While I’d never make the claim that we deserve happiness, but neither will I listen to a claim that we deserve unhappiness, no matter how others feel about how we started, or how we continued.”
“We made mistakes. Find me a couple that hasn’t.” I smile, wryly. “I’d like to say that we learn. That this time I don’t give into my fears, and -run- when it gets too tough. Maybe, on the opposite, I’m too stubborn in holding this family together, this relationship together… but I believe in it. That it’s all worth it, because I’ve lived what happens when it’s gone.”
A long time ago, we spent more time making love than solving our problems.
I smile, “and we didn’t even have the same problems we do now! We lived in the bubble of a closed off world, my house and a few magical places we’d conjure…” I sigh, wrapping my arms around him. “But in this world we have problems, but… we do better, this time. We stand together. We -talk-… even though it’s so easy in this world to end the scene and skip ahead a week… but here we are, talking. The night you came back from Aizu, we didn’t let it fester. We talked about it, unpleasant as it was. We’re doing this together, this time, the way we couldn’t, once.” I grin softly. “Not nearly as much fun as making love, but after it all, when we collapse into bed, as exhausted by that storm as we would be by lovemaking, we… hold on to each other. We take comfort in the bond we have that goes beyond words.” I lean up and kiss his forehead.
You can’t keep giving me perfection. It’s very difficult to live up to.
I shake my head, “I’m not perfection. I’m a… flawed mess, sometimes. So I know that I can’t give you perfection, just… what I am. I’m not asking it from you – which is why I’m always puzzled that you want to give me -away- to find it. You ahou… you’re perfect- for me- – and I love you despite the things I know you don’t like about yourself. I know you don’t love like me… but you love me and that’s what matters – because while the shape and feel of it is different, the strength…” I smile at him, “I can see how powerful it is, even if you doubt yourself.”
I sit back on his lap a bit, to look him over. “You know… I’ve never minded not being the first for you. The first woman you kissed, made love to, loved, had children with, married… because I’m going to be the last.” I smile, softly. “And I plan on us living a long, long time … it’s going to be a claim we can hold onto.”
It’s then I claim another kiss, a longer one. One full of my joy and hope, my acceptance.
“Women now, and should the right diplomat ask for a child, what then?” I sigh. “But won’t we always be the weaker power if we give into such demands for treasure?” “Or am I just naïve?”
“You’re naive.” I say simply. “Do you think all those people from the wrong side of the war find new lives by continuing to go against the government or the Emperor? A certain level of tolerance, of looking the other way until the time is right for a change or for some a new normal is needed for life to continue. Otherwise they retreat from society like Shimada did. Do you think I took this job without concessions? But in the end, whatever concession I had to make was warranted to ensure my sense of justice is upheld… And for this country, where survival is essential – Shishio once told me we are not very different. I can’t say that the weak should be food for the strong like he does. But will I risk a woman for it? I -might- if it wasn’t you. And I -have- in the past.”
“I remember in the stories… that Okubo had a vision for a new Japan. It sounded like… after what we went through… not too bad of a vision.”
“It’s not a bad vision but it’s a vision I’m not sure can be achieved. Kawaji believes it however. That’s why he’s willing to go against what’s pure, like Shindou and place his bets on an uneasy ally like myself.” I grin at her slightly, “So which one will you follow, tolerate or maybe forgive?”
That this time I don’t give into my fears, and -run- when it gets too tough. Maybe, on the opposite, I’m too stubborn in holding this family together, this relationship together… but I believe in it. That it’s all worth it, because I’ve lived what happens when it’s gone.”
I can only smoke some more. “But Hide, what is tough? What would make you run?” I don’t ask the question to make her run away, quite the contrary. So I’ll know if I can make those boundaries or if I am doomed to failure -anyway-.
But in this world we have problems, but… we do better, this time. We stand together. We -talk-… even though it’s so easy in this world to end the scene and skip ahead a week…
“Do we do better?” I’m not so sure. We speak yes but it’s different. I can’t quite put my finger on it. “I suppose we try. Just like now. When all I want to do is tell your brother to go ahead and take you and the children – and your other brother to contact your dead husband and bring him back to life and have an instant family.”
I’m not perfection. I’m a… flawed mess, sometimes. So I know that I can’t give you perfection, just… what I am. I’m not asking it from you – which is why I’m always puzzled that you want to give me -away- to find it. You ahou… you’re perfect- for me- –
“You shouldn’t be so puzzled. I think I know the type of men that would be perfect for you. I’ve read about them, studied them and figured they’re exactly who I am not.”
“You know… I’ve never minded not being the first for you. The first woman you kissed, made love to, loved, had children with, married… because I’m going to be the last.” I smile, softly. “And I plan on us living a long, long time …
She smiles. And I think to myself, that wasn’t the reason I had in mind. My reason for her was that she was the one I loved the most. I wonder, does she know this? But eventhough I think that, i feel that, i -know- that. Saying it out loud to her, with everything in the way, everything not as -settled- as it should be. I can’t tell her the reason why she should be with me, that I should be her last.
She claims another kiss and this time I respond, wanting her to feel the words I can’t say. By instinct, I take her free hand and settle it on my chest, wondering if she can feel how fast my heart beats for the woman I love the most. If only she can read my mind.
He confirms that I am naïve. I’m not surprised, and it doesn’t hurt.
So which one will you follow, tolerate or maybe forgive?
“I follow you. I… shouldn’t be so naïve. I know… what it takes to make things happen.” I think back. “I know what happened in the storage building at my father’s house. I know that Hijikata-san liked it for its thick walls and distance from the main buildings. It smelled like blood, the night you all went out to the Ikedaya. But… Kyoto didn’t burn. A man was tortured, but… Kyoto didn’t burn. It wasn’t the only time that building was used, and… who knows what other horrors were prevented?”
But Hide, what is tough? What would make you run?
“It was the caped man. I… was so powerless against him. I know…” I smile a little, shaking my head, “that my habit of making impassioned speeches isn’t as useful as I think it is. But to be dismissed – and threatened – all while he made a -play- for me…” I sigh. “His motives confused me. His belief in what he was going to to – I felt so useless. I couldn’t protect anyone, that day at the school. Not my children, not you… not myself.”
“Does everyone think I’m some blissful little fool? That I’m not aware… of the precariousness of our lives?” I shake my head. “But I take it for what it is, because I know what it is to live without it. Without you.” I look away. “At least during our last separation, those long years… I knew that you loved me. That we were apart not because of our problems…” I smile. “Didn’t make it any easier, though, but… because I knew you loved me, we – Makoto, Ai and I – held on in that endless night.”
“My… urge to run … it came when I thought I’ve failed you. It came when I thought that it was going to end in you getting hurt….” I swallow, and my voice catches, and I take a moment to breathe, “or killed. I couldn’t tell you to deal with him like I could with Kano,” I say. “He’s on a level that’s incredibly unfair. I don’t need -truths-. I don’t need it rubbed in my face.” I take a deep breath, feeling the constraints of the corset. “It’s said he’s a teacher. He came in talking about that I’m a free woman.” I shake my head. “Which is… insulting. Deeply, deeply insulting. I’d rather be a fool than… to be accused of being fickle with you.”
It’s a word that’s always hurt, since the first time Souji used it against me, that night that Todo-kun left. And he kept using it. And every time I’m… made to feel that I wronged Souji by moving on, by finding love and joy with someone else… his voice comes back.
Do we do better? I suppose we try. Just like now. When all I want to do is tell your brother to go ahead and take you and the children – and your other brother to contact your dead husband and bring him back to life and have an instant family.
“Dead men aren’t coming to save me,” I shake my head. “And as for my brother… we Yagis seem to always want to over-correct for past mistakes. Our parents left us when we were still so young, in a world we were never raised to live in.” I sigh. “We have to solve this. No running, no giving away.”
“But what makes it tough?” I smile, a little. “I miss the spontaneity. I miss… the songs. Sneaking away – not just to be intimate but to just -be- together. ” I grin softly. “I do like spending time with you, after all.” I trace the lines of his shoulder seam, on the shirt that he’s complained about all night. “But I suppose… we’re meant to be more disciplined this time around, to face our problems, instead of lap sitting and flirting and eating while complaint children helpfully go right to sleep after bedtime.” I grin a little. “So I miss that – being together because we enjoy it, and not because we need to have a conversation about a particular thing to keep things “moving”.”
“You shouldn’t be so puzzled. I think I know the type of men that would be perfect for you. I’ve read about them, studied them and figured they’re exactly who I am not
I make an impatient gesture with my hands. “Hajime… my love… am I going to have to be whispering it to you for the next, forty, fifty years? That you’re perfect for me. Not a perfect man. And…” I sigh, “instead of studying them, and finding fault in -yourself-…” I look up. “We’re unusual creatures. We could be anywhere, anytime – and with anyone. And everytime… I find you, to be with you. London. Glass and Steel. All of those ‘fanfics’. If you asked me to meet you on the moon, I’d figure that one out too.” I pick up his hand, and take off the glove with my teeth (it’s really the best way), and entwine our fingers.
He doesn’t respond to my statement about being last… but he kisses me. Deep kisses, that taste like… words unspoken. He places my hand on his chest, his strong heart beating fast… I respond in the kiss…. in words that aren’t said.
I love you too…
I love you -most-…
I know… what it takes to make things happen.”
I’m -relieved-. I wasn’t sure if this would be a disagreement that we could agree to disagree. She is a person who saw my past and knows my present that it would be inconceivable for her not to understand. But I know the justices we hold in our hearts sometimes are set in stone but now I can confirm she is of the same heart and mind as I, even if it does take a little convincing or rather a reminder of the past we share.
“It was the caped man. I… was so powerless against him. “His motives confused me. His belief in what he was going to to – I felt so useless. I couldn’t protect anyone
“But it’s -my- duty to protect you. That’s not your role.” I stroke her hair and smile a bit, “You didn’t come from a world of god-like men you know.”
“Does everyone think I’m some blissful little fool? That I’m not aware… of the precariousness of our lives?” At least during our last separation, those long years… I knew that you loved me. That we were apart not because of our problems…”
“No I don’t think you’re a fool. I think you could’ve done so much better but a fool? No.” I sigh. “But you could -tell- me when you worry.”
It came when I thought that it was going to end in you getting hurt….”“or killed. I couldn’t tell you to deal with him like I could with Kano,”
“I won’t let myself get killed. Hurt maybe, but -not- killed.” I look at her, “I know I asked you to play along, I was looking for an amiable way to settle the matter. I’m still looking but had you asked me or spoken to me -truthfully-, I’d have looked for other ways.”
I’d rather be a fool than… to be accused of being fickle with you.”
I’d remind her, that I’ve been guilty of the same. Many years ago with thoughts of her and Souji. That my greatest fear is still that because I remember that night, with my memories of her lost. I can’t say anything to that – I’ve called her fickle.
She talks about her brothers and how they tend to over correct. It’s true I took offense at what her brother did, but what he did was not without reason. The only way I can face her brother again is to either solve this problem myself or give her up to him.
Hajime… my love… am I going to have to be whispering it to you for the next, forty, fifty years?
“Probably.” I look away slightly. “Until I fix it.”
As we kiss, her hand now ungloved our fingers entwine and had we not been in the place where I work and had I not made promises not to “try” anything tonight. I’d have her on this leather sofa, telling her we have time and the door is locked. No one really tries to “stop by” unless it’s that pesky Uramura or my boss. But I try to be a man of my word and I don’t want to ruin a rented dress… So I get a hold of myself and break away from those lips that told me she loves me.
The night has grown so deep, it’s probably already close to the morning. I take her from my lap and look her over and remind myself there’ll be other times. Maybe other places.
“Can you smell it?” I ask, “In their world there is this “scent” of mine that’s being sold for profit.” I grin, “The smell is of old leather, purple smoke and a somewhat bitter citrusy smell of the patchouli plant.”
But it’s -my- duty to protect you. That’s not your role. You didn’t come from a world of god-like men you know.
“I still come from a world of remarkable men – men who can use a sword to cut iron, or leap up in the air to take out chandeliers,” I say, dryly, but with a bit of a smile. “And sometimes… we get to protect each other.” I know my incursion into the dojo that night was the height of foolishness… but it needed to be done.
I won’t let myself get killed. Hurt maybe, but -not- killed. I know I asked you to play along, I was looking for an amiable way to settle the matter. I’m still looking but had you asked me or spoken to me -truthfully-, I’d have looked for other ways.
“It’s hard, sometimes, to make this place stop so I can just… have a conversation about being afraid,” I sigh. The play’s the thing, after all… “But I’m here, now, telling you that I was afraid to do anything… because I know he could maim you with a mere touch. Or because he’s clever with words…” I hold him tight. He’s such a strong man. Sending him out for months to and undercover mission in Yoshiwara with old Goryo Eiji people skulking around? I worry, but… not like with that man.
Probably. Until I fix it.
I nod, and turn his head back to me. “Good. Because one day, I want our conversations to be about how the children are all out of the house, and we can have our sofa back.” I grin a little. “I want to be able to look at the blue skies with you, to count the stars… and to know that we belong to each other, in every way, forever.”
Our kisses come to a conclusion and…. tonight isn’t the night. This office of his isn’t the right place, really, and…. what I crave isn’t a quick release. It’s to properly and thoroughly -love- him, in the way I know best.
Can you smell it? In their world there is this “scent” of mine that’s being sold for profit. The smell is of old leather, purple smoke and a somewhat bitter citrusy smell of the patchouli plant
I take a deep breath of the room, and then step back to him, as I re-do my buttons. “Ah… so that’s what it is. The smoke, and the plant I could place, but not the leather.” I grin at him. “We don’t have much time left tonight, but let’s go home, so we can sleep for a bit and I can wonder why you smell like a sofa,” I laugh. My clothing back in order, I present one more -twirl-.
I hold out my hand. “And… before much more time passes, before you go away again… I want a night in one of our places – you choose this time.” I smile, a little shyly. “It’s been enough time since Ai-chan… my body won’t feel the same, but… well, we have big, healthy babies.” I then grin, one that’s more confident. “But I can assure you… it’ll be worth your time.”
(OOC – you may close)
I can only raise an eyebrow as she mentions the chandelier. Someone please erase that image one day…
“Good. Because one day, I want our conversations to be about how the children are all out of the house, and we can have our sofa back.” I grin a little. “I want to be able to look at the blue skies with you, to count the stars… and to know that we belong to each other, in every way, forever.”
“I hope to have our “problem” solved way earlier… So we might have to kick the children out early. And no crying when we do.”
She smells the room and fixes herself. Just like she appreciates the scent, I take in her last twirl for me in that dress. Maybe tonight was worth it. In fact, it was definitely worth it. She’s right.
I want a night in one of our places – you choose this time.” I smile, a little shyly. “It’s been enough time since Ai-chan… my body won’t feel the same, but… well, we have big, healthy babies.” I then grin, one that’s more confident. “But I can assure you… it’ll be worth your time.”
Before I go away? She means before I start working again. Can she really? But I want to as well. “Yes let’s meet and… It won’t be -here-. Sometimes I like the spontaneity of you. Your “real-timeness” in chat.”
I tell her to wait for me to get back. I need to bribe one of the stable hands for that black horse. It’s not going to be so romantic trying to sneak away from here, but she can’t walk all the way home in that dress.
(OOC: End and they get home on horseback)