The train ride back was longer than I had expected and it was uneventful enough that I drifted in and out of sleep through the whole ride. I really should’ve slept last night, I vaguely think to myself. A bit over half a day’s ride. We’re almost there and I look to my side where Makoto is leaning looking out the window as Hide carefully looks over her. I smile a bit, knowing that the little one is in good hands. We should stop by to get some food… Hide should not cook as I do think she’s tired as well, and I think back, on the way to the house there’s a restaurant. Chinese… I know Hide and I have eaten Chinese before, it might be good to introduce that dish to Makoto. The more she lives in Tokyo she’ll find out that there are more food selections… Suddenly, again I feel very sleepy. Noting that there’s still at least half an hour, I go back to sleep.
(OOC: Feel free to speed them along)
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It’s hard not to be excited. Even though I’m tired… trains aren’t easy places to rest and Makoto, excited to be on one for the first time, spent most of the time hopping from one lap to another.
I peer out the window, “this is where I lived when your Chichi and I first met.” It’s such a familiar setting… and not long ago I thought that I’d never see it again. I knew my greatest happiness here, and there’s something so right about bringing this child back to live here. “He’d come to see me in the afternoons…” I smile at her, my voice soft, remembering how my heart would leap at hearing the gate open and seeing him come in. “That’s why afternoons are my favorite part of the day.”
“See there’s the road down to a little park, and a place to buy plants is down there too. The other way is where the market is.”
Makoto peers out the window. “Is it the kind of park with just grass, or is there more? How far away is our house?” She hops up from her seat to look out one window, and then to the other side. It’s late but there’s more streetlights than I remember.
“Just a bit of a walk away.” I slide my hand over to Hajime’s and lace my fingers though his and squeeze slightly. We’ve already stopped for Chinese food, and I’m glad I didn’t have to try to cook tonight.
The carriage slows and stops.
A long train ride and the carrige took a long time too. Out of the carriage I wait for Chichi to pay the driver and peer at the gate, I can’t see any of the house. There’s a blank space for the name by the door and I hop up, tracing out the kanji for Yamaguchi in the dust.
Waiting I try to remember the words of food we had. They had funny names and weren’t at all like Okaasan’s cooking but so good. I asked her if she could learn and she said, “I’ll -try-,” she said.
Okaasan pulls a key out of her obi and hands it to Chichi with a smile after the driver leaves. “Welcome home,” she says.
“Thank you and welcome back.” I take the key from Hide and open the gates. It’s getting dark out but there’s enough light that I can see the garden with the stone bench to the side. Picking up Makoto, I slide her arm to my neck and point.
“The people who lived her before kept the garden well and there to the side in the mornings there is a good shade created by that tree.” I kiss her cheek, “It’s not big but maybe you can play house or do a picnic with your mother.”
I walk up to the engawa and place her down, “Take off your shoes.” I do the same with mine. For a moment I worry, wondering if Kawaji took care of the finer details, like a futon. My message to him was just to make sure an old red sofa was there. Opening the door I guide Makoto inside and spot a lamp. Immediately I light it up and it illuminates the middle of the kitchen and the living area. There is a small dining table in the kitchen, it seems new and I breathe a sigh of relief. It’s surprising but Kawaji and I had never been close but he did come through for me. I shall need to take him out for a drink.
“Upstairs are two rooms and a small reading room.” I stop and think about that, there was masterson bed hidden so the room also doubled as a guest room. “The washroom is on the second floor and there is a tatami room across the hallway before you go up the stairs…” It’s been so long since I’ve been here and yet I know it like the back of my hand.
I look up at Hide, “Please have the dinner table ready and I’ll see to it that our luggage is brought upstairs and Makoto washed up.” Standing up I take a bag and hand it to Makoto and then I take the rest. “You go first Makoto.” It’s darker by the stairs but I think she can manage. “I’m right behind you.”
You go first Makoto. I’m right behind you
“Hai!” I walk up the stairs, looking all around. “Which room is mine?” I look at the doors and do a short run down the hall, my feet sliding me down the floor and I laugh. “Chichi, which room is yours and Okaasan’s?” I run back and slide into him with a oomphf and hug around his waist.
I slide open the first door and there’s a funny cabinet that takes up one wall. Washroom – “now I don’t have to go outside in the middle of the night!” I say, and I run to the other end. There’s one big bedroom, and a smaller one that looks out on the garden, with the tree right by the window. I wonder if I can use it for climbing?
She runs around back and forth and I let her be. She seems excited and that’s good. By the time I got our bag’s down Makoto’s hugged my waist and then just as quickly is gone back to her exploration.
“It’s a small house but I’m glad you do not have to go to an outhouse either.” Picking up the bags I place Hide’s and mine inside the larger room. There is only one more lamp for the 2nd floor and I make a mental note to buy at least two more. Taking it I go in to the smaller room and light it up, which I figured would be Makoto’s from now on. Looking around I unfurl the futon and covers at the corner. It’s then that I spy her looking at the tree by her window.
“Before you think of climbing, make sure it’s one you can handle Makoto.” The tree is large but also quite old, as is this house. For a moment I catch myself thinking of Hide, this was probably the one part of the house we never spent time in. But it doesn’t matter. Quickly before I can think, I grab Makoto up and carry her up so she can see the landscape of the city. It is vast and wide, and the flickering lights is something one cannot find in the provinces.
“Makoto tomorrow you’ll need to go to school but…” I think for a moment, “I will take you out early because I’d like to bring you to Akashi before I leave, alright?”
Before you think of climbing, make sure it’s one you can handle Makoto
I nod. I’ll have to figure it out later, when it’s daylight. It would make my room more fun if I could climb the tree up to it, like it was a base.
Then suddenly he lifts me up, and I look out… I can’t say anything for a minute, just looking out the window. I didn’t know that Tokyo was so big, even in the carriage it didn’t look like it. The lights make me think of my window in Ito. “This is pretty like the ocean.” He tells me about tomorrow. School already? “Akashi, that’s by the river you said?” Rocks and turtles and fish, it all makes me giggle.
Turning around I kiss his cheek and look at him, tilting my head a little, and then I hug him again, -hard-. “Why do you look sad, Chichi?” I ask. Because he does, like Okaasan always did.
“This is pretty like the ocean.”
?EURoeOnly from afar. There are many interesting things about the city but it?EUR(TM)s not as safe as the ocean.?EUR? She giggle with the talk of Akashi, I nod in response to her question. It?EUR(TM)s almost as if I can read what she?EUR(TM)s thinking. ?EURoeThere are many but remember you can?EUR(TM)t take them home. We don?EUR(TM)t have a pond and who?EUR(TM)s going to take care of them??EUR?
Unexpectedly, I receive one of those hugs again. This time more deliberate and longer. I press her against me, liking the warmness she provides. I smile at that but she asks and I consider my answer carefully, ?EURoeDo I look like that??EUR? Making a weird face I continue, ?EURoeI have a lot of things on my mind, shopping for lamps is one.?EUR? I chuckle and put her down. Opening her bag, I find a change of clothes that she may wear for the night. ?EURoeCome Makoto, you?EUR(TM)re mother is waiting so let?EUR(TM)s wash up quickly.?EUR?
(OOC: Go ahead and move them along to dinner)
He hugs really, really good.
Do I look like that?
I nod, “you do look sad.” But he talks about buying lamps and makes a strange face. I don’t know why that would make him sad.
He gets me changed and we wash up and go downstairs, where Okaasan made all of that food in the little boxes look like a lot. My nose twitches smelling it. All I remember about the place is that it had funny writing on it. “What sort of food is this?” I look closely and smell one that’s a bright color, and it’s like a lot of pepper all at once and it makes my eyes water.
They come down for dinner… to my surprise a lot of the household basics have been taken care of. Did Hajime arrange all of this?
Just like he took care of dinner. I smile. How it is to be back in this kitchen… for a moment it feels like I never did.
If only… I can’t think of this right now. I hear footsteps upstairs, and then coming down the stairs and Makoto asks what dinner is. “This is food from China,” I tell her as we sit down. She smells the spicy dish and I smile, “careful, that one is -hot-.” I hand her a cup of milk.
“You can try this one. It’s sweet and sour pork.” Reaching over I place some on Makoto’s plate. I glance down on my own plate and decide to eat. It’s then that it struck me as I look around, there is a set of glasses on the cupboard and some cooking utensils. Very basic but obviously new. I have my doubts that Kawaji knows of such things, perhaps it is his wife?
“It seems I owe a lot to the old…” I was about to say bastard, but just in time catch myself, “man. Who’d have thought he’d prepare this place decently.” I chuckle thinking about if he hadn’t then we’d all be sleeping on the floor without any lights on. Maybe even eating with our hands. Many consider the old man a hard nut, especially those folk in the Kamiya dojo but I might have to re-think that.
Out of old habit I take a piece of pork from Makoto’s plate and pop it into my mouth. “Hmmm… Not bad.” I say. From the corner of my eye I see Hide doesn’t seem too happy about dinner. Perhaps she wanted to cook? Ah well, my mistake. Soon she’ll have everything in place just like she wanted it. All it needs is picture or two and it can be called a home.
I try the pork and it’s tasty, and bright. I make a happy face. It’s not shrimp tempura but -still-. He talks about having the house ready. “Chichi is going to get us more lamps,” I tell Okaasan.
He takes food from my plate! “Chichi!” I laugh. Then I take some of his! It’s good too. “What’s that called?” I ask. I take some more of the meat but not the green parts and eat it with some of the rice. “China has good food,” I tell him.
Who’d have thought he’d prepare this place decently
He’d only speak this way of Kawaji-san. “He did do a great job… it’s wonderful to be able to come in and have a home ready to go.”
I take a bit of everything, suddenly hungry. Tasting it, I glance over to the counter, where only the plates and boxes will need to be washed. With a slight grin, I look over to Hajime, “I love to cook but -this- I could get used to.” I give Makoto half an egg roll. “You’ll like this one.”
I watch as he’s so playful with Makoto… how I love to see that side of him, and to see our little girl so happy.
“What’s that called?”
She?EUR(TM)s avoiding the greens? I do not really like it myself having eaten so much of it before but there are exceptions. ?EURoeit?EUR(TM)s called Chop Suey. It actually goes better with Cantonese noodles but ?EUR“with- the greens.?EUR?
“He did do a great job… it’s wonderful to be able to come in and have a home ready to go.”
I nod, ?EURoeYes Kawaji did.?EUR? I?EUR(TM)m pretty sure he had help elsewhere but it?EUR(TM)s not important.
I love to cook but -this- I could get used to.”
She grins and I return it. Of course I know how to read expressions and even slight intonations well. I do not answer, we both know eating out is impractical but that doesn?EUR(TM)t matter either. Seeing that I eat faster than the two of them, I excuse myself and go to the tatami room. There I can do my after meal regimen.
but ?EUR“with- the greens
Oh. He noticed. I smile and take some of the green part, and eat a tiny piece. But it doesn’t taste funny, it tastes like the yummy sauce. “Why don’t all vegetables have sauce?” I ask.
Chichi gets up to leave and I keep eating. “He’s always liked to go smoke in the tatami room,” she tells me. “Did Chichi show you your room?”
“Yes! And all of Tokyo, too, and the tree, and the hall is good for sliding.” There wasn’t a hall upstairs in Ito, just a place between my room and Okaasan’s.
She stopped eating and is looking down at her food. Her -too-? “Okaasan, why do you look sad too?”
Okaasan, why do you look sad too?
I look up at her, and smile a little. “I’m not sad, dearest, I’m just tired.”
She shakes her head. “You look like you used to.” I know what she means… standing, I come up behind her and hug her shoulders.
“Can you help me and rinse the plates off and wipe off the table?” She’s helped me with little chores. “I’ll be in the tatami room with your papa. You remember, the room up front?” She nods and I leave.
In the tatami room Hajime’s smoking, another site so familiar… I go and sit down next to him. “Thank you for taking care of things.” I reach for his hand and kiss his cheek. “It’s good to have that.” I imagine trying to get together a meal otherwise… chances are we would have gone to bed hungry.
She thanks me for the meal, I nod. “You already sent her to bed? It’s still early.” I pause thinking I’m saying that for my sake than Makoto’s really, “Ah but it’s probably best it was a long trip for a child.”
“I forgot to get her things for school. Maybe you two can leave earlier and go to the Market. And you should sleep early too, it’s been a long day.”
“No, I asked her to help out,” I tell him. “She so excited that it’ll take her a while to go to sleep.” I smile.
“Do you know what she’ll need for school? Is there a uniform? Perhaps it would be better if she went the day after tomorrow so she’ll be more ready.” Has a school been taken care of too? That is good news, I was worried about getting her into one at this time of year, and into a -good- one.
I stand, turning to look out the window. I try to distract myself with thoughts of the garden but… it’s not working.
I listen… I don’t understand. I peer around the door, Chichi is smoking and to the side, Okaasan is standing by the window.
It makes me think of the lady, and when I asked her. What she said.
I stand in the doorway. “Why are you both sad?”
“I don’t understand…” I frown. “We’re all together, why aren’t you happy?” I blink. “I always wanted… my Okaasan and my father… that one day we’d all be together…”
I’m angry, angry, and then I’m dizzy. Why are grown-ups so strange? I lean against the door frame. Then I feel funny and dizzy more and hot and then I’m sick… dizzy…
(OOC: Makoto has thrown up and is close to passed out as she slumps to the floor)
I turn my head right after Makoto’s question, but before I knew it she’s already on the floor lying beside her own vomit. Running to her I pick her up and look at Hide. Quickly I bring Makoto up the stairs and lay her down on the futon, checking her temperature. She seems to have a fever? Probably because of the stupid trip. I should’ve planned better. Looking through her bag, I see Hide’s brough some towels so I take it and go inside the washroom, dampening it with water. I look around for a basin.
“She’s inside her room.” I shout to Hide, “Go look after her while I get this ready.”
It’s like back then with Tsutomu. I frown and wring the towel. It’s the same thing.
I follow fast behind Hajime, carrying Makoto up the stairs and stay by her side as he lays her on the futon. I open her yukata and feel her forehead.
Her eyes flutter open. “My tummy…” She gulps and gasps, and my heart is pounding. She’s taken spills but except for last winter, she’s never sick. And how upset she was before she got sick… oh my baby.
“Shh…” I stroke her face, “just rest.” I look up, and call out, “Hajime…”
Makoto’s eyes open again. “Where’s Chichi?”
I’m back just the moment she calls. Kneeling down, I see Makoto’s at least awake. I give Hide the towel and push the basin beside her.
“Did she tell you what’s wrong?” I ask Hide as I stroke Makoto’s forehead. I stand up, “I’m going to get the doctor.” I tell Hide but wait just in case she has an answer for my question earlier.
Chichi’s back…
Did she tell you what’s wrong?
“Tummy…” I curl up slightly. “It feels all funny.” Hand. Okaasan’s hands are cool like water. “The orange stuff… it burned but it was good.” Chichi touches my forehead and I turn over to him, curling up.
He says he’s going? “Chichi…”
She mentions the orange stuff – the spicy Chinese chicken? “I don’t think she’s ever had anything hot before. She doesn’t like wasabi.” Certainly no red peppers… would those make her this sick?
But all logic is hard when our little girl lies on the futon, pale and half-awake. “How much did you eat?”
“A lot,” her voice is small as she gags some more, but nothing comes up as her body heaves. “I’m sorry Okaasan…” she whispers.
“Shh… there’s nothing to be sorry about.” I look up at Hajime, who stands and speaks of the doctor. “I think it’s the peppers.” I hear Makoto say his name.
“Stay…” I ask him, softly, as I wipe down her face again. “We need you more than a doctor right now.” She does… I do.
Why is it that no one seems to rely on the good sense of a doctor anymore? Not that I have a lot of faith in them myself. “Do you have any tea in your bag?” I ask. “Something warm and thin will do her good.” I’ve dealt with stomach pains before, children are prone to such things.
Okaasan leaves? I twist around. “Tummy…” I say. It’s like twisting.
But Chichi is still here? I open my eyes, they feel heavy. I feel for his hand. “Chichi?”
“I have some, I’ll make it while you sit with her.” I hand him the towel and kiss Makoto’s warm forehead. “I’ll be right back, alright? Chichi’s here, though. She nods, and I touch Hajime’s hand as I stand. I need reassurance, I need strength. Even though this seems like a normal ailment, it’s still tearing apart my heart to see her like this. Tea… we need to sooth her stomach, Hajime is right.
(OOC: Hide has gone downstairs. Makoto replied as new comment)
I sit down by her side and hold her hand, while my other takes the towel and dry her damp face.
“I’m sorry Makoto.” I say softly. Because I am for everything. “The pain will go away soon.”
Loving Makoto is the one thing that hasn’t changed, even before I met her in Ito. I look down on my daughter’s face and that memory of the morning rain comes back again. “Suma na…”
I hold his hand. Tight.
I’m sorry Makoto. The pain will go away soon.
“Why are you sorry?” I blink, everything is still blurry. “I don’t want you and Okaasan to sad.” I look up at him, rolling over on my back, but that only makes my stomach hurt more. “Then you’ll both die again…”
I never told Okaasan about the dreams. I’ve never told anyone. It’s the thing that scares me the most. I roll back over on my side and curl up. “You can’t die again. I love you, Chichi. I love Okaasan…” I hold on tighter. “We all have to live together.”
“Then you’ll both die again…”
How did she know? I doubt Hide has told her, she won’t dare to.
“No no one’s died Makoto.”
I love you, Chichi. I love Okaasan…”
I bend my head over, hugging Makoto my face behind her shoulder. Suddenly just like the other night I feel a horrible pain and I grit my teeth as I stop my eyes from blinking. But they fall anyway and I hate it. “I love her too Makoto. So much…” But people’s wants change and I can only give one of them.
I stay there immobile for a moment but draw up an arm to wipe my face before Makoto can see. Sitting back down I smile and kiss her forehead. “Get better soon? Your mother would be unhappy knowing you are sick.”
So it was all a bad, bad dream? But it felt so real…
I feel something wet on my shoulder as he hugs me, and tells me he loves Okaasan. I hold him back with all I can but my arms feel like old soba, because he still sounds sad. “She loves you too…” But why doesn’t that make them happy? I’ve been so happy since Chichi came…
Get better soon? Your mother would be unhappy knowing you are sick
I nod, and look up, and there’s Okaasan.
Tea… I made tea and up in one of the cabinets, I found a large, Western-style mug and in it, a packet of coffee. That Kawaji… in all of this I find a reason to smile, that man may give Hajime fits but he knows Hajime well, and I brew a cup for him, and put a pitcher of cool water on the tray as well.
As I wait for the water to boil, I take the tatami mat that Makoto threw up on and leave it outside, along with the remains of that chicken. Kami… she did eat a lot of it.
I go upstairs, hearing them talk but not making out anything until I reach the door, when I hear:
Get better soon? Your mother would be unhappy knowing you are sick
I come in and sit down next to Hajime by Makoto’s side. “Your Chichi will too… so here, try some tea, that will make your tummy better, ne?” She’s still too pale but her eyes don’t look as out of it… I look at Hajime, there’s something in his eyes so sad… I put an arm around him for a brief moment, holding him tight as I settle down, for myself and for him.
“Hajime… help me? Hold her up and I’ll help her drink the tea.” I touch her face.
“Come on up Makoto.” I urge her to sit up while supporting her back. I watch as Hide gives her the tea and hope it does something to alleviate her stomach pain.
Hajime supports her while I urge her to drink the tea, and she gags a bit at first. “I don’t like tea…” She turns her face away.
I smile for her. “Just a little and when you’re better, we’ll ask Chichi to make us his melon juice.”
She finally gives in and sips down the entire cup. “That’s our little girl… now doesn’t that feel better? Maybe you can sleep for a while…”
She blinks. “Akashi, too, Chichi…” Her eyes drift closed, and I move to make her more comfortable, and mop off her face and this time clean her up, and ask for Hajime’s help in getting her into fresh clothing.
I look over at Hajime. “We should stay with her tonight… if she wakes we’ll make her more tea, in the morning we can try broth.” I nod over to the tray. “Kawaji-san left you some coffee in the kitchen.”
After getting Makoto dressed, she finally drifted off to sleep. That’s good sometimes sleep is the best cure for an ailment.
“We should stay with her tonight… if she wakes we’ll make her more tea, in the morning we can try broth.”
“We can take turns. You can sleep and I’ll watch over her.” I take the coffee and mutter a thanks. “I’ll wake you up if something happens.” I sit over to a wall where I have a good view of Makoto. Resting my tired back, what a relief it is.
We can take turns. You can sleep and I’ll watch over her
I nod. I go in the other room and find a blanket and pillows and bring them back in. “You need to rest too… so wake me up soon.” I notice that he sits rather gingerly against the wall, and I move over and rub on his shoulders for a minute. Offering him a pillow, I then lay down on the floor beside him, my eyes heavy. She’ll be alright… she just needs to rest. Her outburst from before, though… she’s right, although a child shouldn’t have to worry about such things -but there are things we can learn from her.
(OOC: Hide is asleep)
She rubs my back and I thank her. It’s not too long before she’s asleep, how I want to touch her face but I don’t. I go reach into my breast pocket for a cigarette but decide against it. The smoke might wake Makoto and she’s sick right now.
I think of Akashi and my dead brother but then my thoughts drift to the time I first took Hide there and I try not to think about that. I had planned at first to just spend a day with Makoto but with her upset, I should bring her mother as well. Glancing at Makoto’s direction, I have always known that a child cannot be taken away from it’s mother. Not that I ever planned to, even if she’s the only one I have left. My eyes drift on Hide’s face, it’s still her, the voice, the face, and sometimes just like earlier. But it’s no longer the same either. Maybe I was just too much of a love sick fool that I didn’t see what was in her mind. At least now I do. If our past is no longer important then all of this has no meaning.
I move to Makoto’s side. She’s sound asleep. I’m glad and then I hear the rooster crow. How weird, I didn’t realize it was already morning.
(OOC: End)