I sent out Makoto-chan before I was done – I needed to wash my hair and tend to the wound on my head. I think it’s healing well… I’ll have to have Hajime held me with that. Leaving my hair down, I come outside to see Makoto doing some interpretation of a dance that I tried to teach her, but with a lot more skipping. I grin… she’s such an active thing.
On the engawa of the main house, Saya and Yuunosuke are talking. Failing to catch his eyes, I take Makoto’s hand. “Let’s go look for your father,” I say, and she agrees. We walk back towards the pond, he seems to have taken a liking to that place.
“Hajime?” I call out, looking for both him and… even here we must be careful.
(OOC – Hide and Makoto are going to the pond)
Morning – Ryoken
22 thoughts on “Morning – Ryoken”
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I’ve been sitting here for too long. A sign of the times perhaps? No it has always been that way, flowing with the currents instead of going against it. Standing up I make my way back inside the Ryokan, mindless of the ashes that has stained my clothing.
As I near the pond, I see Hide and Makoto. Throwing the filter away, I straighten my face and hair.
“Right here!” I call to them and grin. “Looking for rocks again Makoto?”
Makoto runs up to him, “Chichi, did you find -good- rocks though?” She throws her little arms around his waist, she complained in the bath she had been sleepy at breakfast, and she had been slow to fully wake this morning after the disturbance the night before.
“But I don’t need rocks for the same reason anymore,” she tells him, with a bright, happy, smile. She’s still beaming… “I can just tell you.”
I catch up and stand by Hajime, and brush the ashes off of his jacket, and then fix a bang that’s slightly askew before kissing his chin, and Makoto-chan laughs. “Okaasan on tippy-toes!” She finds this -very- amusing and I grin back at her.
But the disarray in his appearance isn’t typical, and I wonder how his talk with Saya went… and I can’t help but feel partly responsible that the talk had to happen.
“Chichi, did you find -good- rocks though?”
“Ah I’m sorry Makoto but I did not, they were all rather sharp. This afternoon I’ll walk with you along the seashore to find shells.”
She clings to my waist and I put an arm about her shoulder as we walk back. Hide approaches and I bend down slightly.
“You smell good.” I tell her and squeeze her waist for a moment then let go. “I still have some errands to do today but I’ll be back before Saya leaves.”
“Oh, the sharp ones aren’t good, unless they look like something. I have one that looks like a dog.” Looking at the pond reminds me of something, “sometime, can you show me how to throw the little flat rocks so they skip?”
The beach… but then he says something about Asuka-san leaving. “Auntie Saya is going?” I frown, I -like- my auntie, we had a lot of fun when she took care of me.
I slide closer as we walk, Hajime with Makoto and I on either side. He speaks of Saya leaving and Makoto looks disappointed, I know she’s really taken to her. “She lives in Kyoto, so when we go sometime to see your other uncle we can visit her, Makoto.”
To Hajime, I say in a low voice, “before you go out today, let me have a look at your side and you can help me.” I tell him.
“That’s right.” At the very least I do know that Saya is fond of Makoto, surely she’d still see her.
“before you go out today, let me have a look at your side and you can help me.”
Ignoring her first statement, I focus on the other, “What do you need help with?” I wonder if her injuries are still bothering her. If it is, I might have to postpone our trip back to Tokyo.
I indicate my hair, still down, and pat the side of my head. “The doctor took the stitches out yesterday, and I can’t see up there, it didn’t sting when I washed my hair but I wanted you to look and make sure it looked as it should. It doesn’t hurt.” Much like Makoto, the bruises and jarring from the other night faded quickly. It’s something about Hajime, that makes me feel strong… I wonder if our little girl feels it as well?
“And -please- let me check on you,” I tell him, taking his hand as we get back to the area between the little house and the bathhouse.
I’ve looked at enough stitches to be able to tell I think. I nod my head.
“Makoto, you’re mother and I need to be alone for a moment. Why don’t you go inside and we’ll follow soon ne?”
Ruffling her hair, I send her back inside. Waiting till she got in, I lead Hide to a wall and part her hair. The stitches look nasty of course but nothing to be worried about.
“Some swelling but within a few days it should be fine.”
I hold her in place for a while. There’s no one in sight so I kiss her forehead after which I turn to leave.
“A music box correct? Any others?”
Makoto smiles as he ruffles her hair. “Alright, Chichi!” She gives his hand a kiss before running back into the building.
Some swelling but within a few days it should be fine.
“Thank you Hajime…” I slide my arm around his waist as he kisses me and squeeze his good side lightly. It’s good to know it’s healing well, but I look at him and sigh, “I’d like to be able to check on you as well. You’re a strong man but you still need -care-.” I reach up and brush his bangs back, letting my fingertips graze his cheekbone.
A music box correct? Any others?
“That and…” I think. -Things- are replacable… what truly matters is still with me, but I that music box is one of my most special possessions, and houses some of the mementos that I’ve kept in the time I’ve been with Hajime. Notes… a carefully dried tulip, tickets from a show, the top of a pinwheel…
“Some clothing for Makoto and I.” That’s all, really. Remembering something, I smile, “and some of your shirts, they’re in my closet as well.” After all, we just came here in our sleeping yukata and have been wearing the ryoken’s since.
I wonder if she’s practicing for that place.
“I feel fine Hide.” I’m not feeling anything at all in fact. Catching her hand I place it down beside her.
“Some clothing for Makoto and I.” “and some of your shirts, they’re in my closet as well.”
I don’t remember having left any clothes there as they were all in the other house but I might as well look. Looking up I try to discern the time. I don’t want to be back here till the afternoon, perhaps I can spend time at the Precinct.
“Alright some clothes and the box. Go and help Saya and Yuunosuke, their escort should be here a little after lunch time.”
I feel fine Hide
“Alright…” I look up at him, and catch his hand as it moves mine away. “Come, I found a little place… take a few minutes with me?” I need to stay my goodbyes to Yuunosuke, and give him instructions… and I don’t know what to say to Saya. I never do.
There are certain things… I seem to make a mess of.
Leading him over to the little stream that leads down to the pond.
I sit on the ground and tug on his arm so he sits with me, under the shade of a green sakura tree.
I obliged Hide since it is still too early. Sitting beside her, I pull out a cigarette and started smoking.
Curious there are no signs of life in this brook, “Looks like it’s man made.”
I nod, and move to sit in his lap after he lights up. “I think so… no fish like in the pond.” I rest my head on his shoulder. “This is nice though… even if it’s not our red sofa.”
For a moment I’m quiet, gathering my thoughts. “I’m sorry about Saya. I’m sorry I couldn’t behave better…” My smile is a sad one. “The one thing we have in common is why it’s so hard for us to get along.” But it’s no excuse for my being insecure.
“But my insecurities shouldn’t drive your friends away. In a way… she’s responsible for getting you back to Ito.” One night when we talked he thought that I was saying that he was the jealous one, unreasonable. “And I noticed… you’re leaving now… you’ll be gone when she leaves.”
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“The one thing we have in common is why it’s so hard for us to get along.”
I wonder what she meant by that and who? Saya or I? It doesn’t matter.
But my insecurities shouldn’t drive your friends away.
Ashing my cigarette, I do not respond right away, trying to recall an earlier conversation. “It’s not your fault. She had wanted to leave, realizing it even before I did.”
“And I noticed… you’re leaving now… you’ll be gone when she leaves.”
“Well I do need to get us ready. It can’t be helped.” I lie. It can be, I can go later but again I do not go after women whether it be a friend or a lover. Once is enough. Taking a couple of drags on my cigarette, I think of something else to say.
“It’s about time she left. She’s given me headaches after all.”
“She still carries a love for you… it’s not that I’m jealous over. I’m glad you’ve had love in your life.” I look into his eyes, “as much as I wanted it to always be me, I’m glad you did have her, and Yaso.” Because he wouldn’t be the man I know without them, and… it’s like his anger at me in trying to give myself a loveless life in another world.
“Saya only wants the best for you. When we butt heads… it’s over you. But she’s given me good advice… reminding me of how stubborn you are, how you need to -see- things.”
It’s not your fault. She had wanted to leave, realizing it even before I did.
I look up, and then at him, as he was silent for a long moment before answering. “I didn’t buy it that she was suddenly taken to Yuunosuke and wanted to steal off into the night with him… that there had to be more.”
It’s about time she left. She’s given me headaches after all.
An old memory rises… “Did you ever notice, a long time ago, when you brought her to Mibu, that she slipped me a note?” It had been so strange that she had wanted a pen and paper so suddenly, it should still stick out in his mind.
“Can we not talk about this?” I tell her simply. “Stop making such a fuss over it.”
We’re all getting what we want. Saya wanted to leave and she -can-. Hide wanted to be secure and so she is. I wanted some sort of peace and it is peace. Closing my eyes, suddenly tired, I laid down the grass.
Breathing slowly I look at her, “What do you want out of me Hide? I already told you it’s you after all.”
Can we not talk about this? Stop making such a fuss over it.
I nod. “But first… the note she gave me was, Be kind to him… He loves you.” It’s in that little music box as well, a rare item that is not a gift from Hajime. “Were it me where she is… I’d want to know that that man had love and kindness.”
What do you want out of me Hide? I already told you it’s you after all.
He lays on the grass and I lay alongside him, his eyes are closed and I worry about him. A dragonfly skims by on the way to the water as I settle close. “I want… a life with you and our daughter, to find you and love you in many places and times…” I smile softly. “And I shouldn’t question deserving, no matter who makes me feel otherwise… you love me, and you wouldn’t if I wasn’t.”
Then there’s the truth… that I would love him irregardless. It’s always been that way, since I first fell for him, so long ago.
Hajime chose to be with me, in our time he’s chosen me again and again… how in questioning myself to him I must be doubting -him-… which was never the case. Just myself. I kiss his eyelids, softly and tenderly. “Beloved, rest a little before you go out…”
Be kind to him… He loves you.
Opening one eye, I scoff slightly. Typical. Women are so typically -confusing-.
And I shouldn’t question deserving, no matter who makes me feel otherwise…
“Who makes you feel otherwise?” I ask off-handedly. Things might as well come out in the open now.
He scoffs at the note.
Who makes you feel otherwise?
“Myself…” I begin. “And there were things, that Saya said… and that she was always someone who could help you in ways I can’t.” I look down. “Yet I got the ideas that she disapproved of my self-pity more.”
Self-pity… he hates that. I hate it in myself, it’s what I wallowed in for the time we were apart that made me unable to see him when he came back to me, to open my arms to the miracle that it was that he was back for me. Now, though, I pull him close against me on the grass and rest my forehead on his shoulder. “It’s in trying to be the best myself I can be… you inspire me to be that, you bring out the best in me…” I’m quiet before continuing, “not just for you, but for myself as well.” Even if I stumble… this man never gives up on me.
“Just do not mind Saya. Her tongue can get away from her.”
After all, Saya does not know everything about Hide and I. She only knows bits and pieces. I find myself angry all of a sudden but I make no other move than to put an arm around Hide.
“Wake me in a few minutes.” After queezing her shoulder slightly, I close my eyes.
(OOC: Saitou will go to sleep unless she has anything else to say. He’ll start a different thread. No need to actually “wake him up”)
Just do not mind Saya. Her tongue can get away from her.
Something in his eyes flashes… is he mad at her?
But he asks to sleep, and puts an arm around me. Not tired myself, I listen to the soft sound of his breathing as we lie under the shade of the sakura tree.
(OOC – Close to new thread)