Hajime: (Monday evening at the Precinct)
I spent the day at the Precinct going through paperwork and editing the guide that Kawaji keeps telling me will guide future generations of recruits. Really now? Will anyone read this? But he is right, it’s better to have a clear starting point and our views should be down on paper so there is no misrepresenting or misinterpreting our views.
Our views huh? When did I ever…
I place the “book” down and take a moment to take a long drag on my cigarette. Nothing wrong with paper work. I used to despise them but they have their place and good records are indispensible. After all how many times did I have to comb through mountain loads of evidence and resources in the past when I was working a case? Somebody put that information together. I suppose I now have a slight appreciation for what I used to call -busy- work.
It’s late again and although I knew there’d be no word, I stayed here anyway, impatiently waiting. Who will turn up dead first? Our scout or Aioi?
I don’t want her hurt.
My eyes narrow. I should I suppose say the same of the scout but he’s part of the police. It’s expected… But her, she’s not one of us and besides…
“Just like the old days huh? I’ll send you word in the precinct.”
Am I sure she’s not one of us? Who else would know about her here in the Police and why don’t I remember? Taking another cigarette from the drawer, thankfully my supplier came this morning. I stuck a new stick in my mouth.
Is she another Saya?
But I remember taking Saya out of the brothels but that was in Kyoto while I was still with Hide. I never took Aioi, even back then in those bloody days when I told her I would. I was caught in the events of the time with the Goryo Eiji and then was sent away by the Fukuchou.
Dragging on the cigarette deeper, I try to recall those days after Hide left. -Now- I remember… Aioi and I met again here in Tokyo when I visited Yoshiwara. Those dark days where only work kept me living but after that, there was nothing except to find relief and I didn’t care where or with who. But why didn’t she let me know when we met again?
Did she play along or rather played me? In either case, she likely knows of my lapses.
Holding the side of my head with one hand, I try to concentrate deeper but the memories come in fragments. I don’t remember much. When I wasn’t in Yoshiwara most nights, I’d actually go back to the house. I suppose I couldn’t really blame Tokio if she suspected I was still seeing Hide. I couldn’t quite tell my wife why my lover left me, that would’ve been too much even for a dirty man like myself. I smirk a little, recalling that time she found Hide’s picture in my wallet after I just got back from Aioi. I suppose I was cruel like that.
In those days, I took pleasure in her pain.
I was resentful she ended up being my wife, both for the past and for the future that I thought she denied me. I didn’t think too much of the children we shared. As long as they were provided for and Eiji took good care of them. That’s what I told myself.
I inhale a bit of smoke and start coughing. I hated those days. I don’t want to recall them, especially not -now-. Besides, there are other things in the present I should pay attention to. Not mistakes from the past. I decide to go home and put away thoughts of Aioi, Tokio and those times Hide and I separated, -out- of my mind. I leave and go home.