Hajime and I exit from the carriage as it comes to a stop in front of the gates. Those gates… it looks unchanged as -always-… a few of the names have changed in the neighborhood but coming here is like time has stopped. I glance over to Hajime – of course, Kyoto and this house hold memories for him as well.
But having him here by my side… I smile over at him as I go to knock on the gates, and wait for whoever is inside… This is only the second time in my life where I didn’t simply walk in.
Wednesday, June 17th, 1885 –
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Hmmm… We should’ve brought something… Bah it’s too late for that now.
She smiles and knocks on the gates. I stand behind her smoking a cigarette.
She’ll be fine…
Of course she will be… I grin slightly noticing how my stomach is turning for no apparent reason. I drag on the cigarette in greater quantities and longer this time. Someone open the damn gates so we can get this over with…
I wonder if she’ll say anything… to them…
Sachiko-chan and I finish up our lunch, and then I get to work. So much still to do after I was gone two weeks with my sister… but Momoko-neesan needed my help. Tamesaburou and Yunnosuke-san can -manage- this house and three children between them, after all. Momoko-neesan’s husband… well, that’s still a private matter that I’ve not even discussed with Tamesaburou. Maybe with Yuunosuke-san away for a few days we’ll have some time to discuss something aside from household matters and the children.
It’s hot, however, and the sky is threatening rain… so I take Sachiko-chan with me into the very pleasant room that overlooks the garden, and she plays as I go over the household accounts. The garden can wait – it’s never been my passion, after all. It’s quiet around here for once… maybe one of my friends will stop by later for tea. Being gone for two weeks I’ve missed a lot that’s gone on around here in Mibu.
I hear a knock from the gate, not once, twice, and picking up Sachiko-chan I go out…
Opening the gates I see… my eyes open wide that it’s -her-. After all this time…
“Hide-san?” I can’t help but be incredulous, it’s been -years- since… and with her is that man… one of the Shinsengumi. I’m horrid with names. But she doesn’t have a child with her. Maybe she did, as Tamesaburou suggested…
It’s Hanako that comes to the door and for a moment I wish it had been one of my brothers… they would have been easier…
Yet strangely, more difficult. Instead I look at the little girl in her arms and I think of Makoto. There’s certainly a strong resemblence… of course.. this must be her cousin. Is this a child of Tamesaburou and Hanako-san or did Yuunosuke finally…
Hide-san?
The surprise in her voice is obvious.
I bow. “Hello, Hanako-san.” I pause, wondering if I should be more formal… “How have you been?”
Remembering that she might not remember Hajime… and as always I wonder how to introduce him. “Hanako-san, this is Yamaguchi Hajime… Hajime, this is my sister-in-law, Yagi Hanako-san. She’s married to the older of my brothers.”
How have you been?
How have I -been-? Something about that casual question annoys me but I smile brightly. “Oh, we’ve been well here, Hide-san.”
I bow at the man as Hide-san introduces us. “Of course I remember Yamaguchi-san.” It may have been years since he came here for dinner the last time I saw Hide-san, but I didn’t forget him… but that name doesn’t seem right somehow.
It doesn’t escape me how she calls him “Hajime”, though. “Please, come in and join me for tea?” I ask. “It’s just Sachiko-chan and I here, but I expect the other children home shortly and Yuunosuke-san as well. I’m not sure if Tamesaburou will be here until dinner.”
I turn and bid them to follow me inside.
Quite a welcome…
I give out a very low snort and enter. Of course women are hard to read and much more so when they speak to each other. However I am not a total oaf to see when someone’s not -that- welcome. I decide to stick around instead of my -original- plan to stay outside in the garden.
Following both women, I walk casually inside the house after flicking the cigarette but to the corner. Two can play this game.
Following Hanako-san into the house, she calls for a servant and asks for tea and sweets. Of course… she’s not changed in that regard. I didn’t expect her to come out the gates and embrace me… but I had hoped…
She sets down the little girl who makes her way unsteadily around the room, looking at me with big eyes. “How old is she? Sachiko-san, you said?”
I’m hit by the need… just -starving- for news of my family. “Have you had other children? Is Yuunosuke married?”
I realize how I sound asking all of these questions, “I’m sorry… it’s been so long.” I see Hajime over in the corner and try to meet his eyes. Come sit next to me… I want to tell him.
I look at my daughter. “She’s two… and it’s just the three children.” Hide-san stumbled upon a painful subject but how should she know? “Kioko-chan is nine now… they are growing up. Yuunosuke-san is not married… you do have good timing, if you wish to see him; he’s going on a trip to Tokyo in the morning.”
She is asking a lot of questions – a little different from the reserved woman I remember from when I first married Tamesaburou who I frequently clashed with.
“And you child… a daughter, I believe? How is she? Did you bring her with you?” I nod at the servant who brings us our tea. “Yamaguchi-san, would you care for tea?” I pour for Hide-san. She probably still lives on it. I dismiss the girl, who looks curiously at Hide-san. I suppose she wasn’t here six year ago. I would like to know if she is raising that child.
Kioko-chan is already nine… I think of the little girl, zooming around, excited after too much candy. Not much old now than her sister that looks at the plate where a piece of western-style cake sits in front of me with expectant eyes.
“Makoto-chan is five. She just started school this spring.” It’s then that I remember… I left everything I had meant to bring – presents, and pictures of Makoto – back at the ryoken. “So she’s staying with a friend while we’re here for a couple of days.”
She’s looking at me… Bah… I hate getting involved in family affairs, especially between women. Hanako offers me tea and I decline.
Try not to scowl…
I blink and she’s still… I sigh and get up from my place and cite the cakes as the reason for my sudden movement.
“These are pretty good Hanako.” I smile wide.
Yes I’m really good at this… -pretending-
Looking at Hide for a moment as she unleashes her barrage of questions, I can’t help but think of my interrogation room and how suspects do spill… Instead her the situations are reversed, but no doubt the feeling of anxiety is there.
Hanako seems uncomfortable at the mention of children. She must be weary that her Kioko would be expecting something as a “gift”, which of course is customary. I try not to frown at that… Although it is rude to expect something, it is also rude to be here without anything. I was too distracted earlier…
“You must forgive me, I distracted your sister-in-law earlier. It was quite fortunate actually that we took the same train this morning. I was worrying for a place to stay and she found one for me in Tamahama.”
I sit beside Hide and try not to look at her. It would be too obvious.
“I offered to take her here since she -was- wanting to see all of you and to give back the favor, but the moron that I am completely forgot her luggage.”
“Makoto? That’s an unusal name for a girl…” I say out loud. “Five, yes, she would be by now, I forget it’s been that long. Then you must be managing, I’m sure Tamesaburou will be pleased.” I still don’t see why… as a mother I understand the need to keep your child, but it’s certainly not a normal life for them. Unless she’s married… no, no, she would have said so.
I call Sachiko-chan to come over and feed her some cake, which she happily eats. Tamesaburou says I indulge them too much with these… but he probably doesn’t care much for sweets as he can’t slather them wasabi. At least, -that’s- where I put my food down on that obsession…
I listen to Yamaguchi-san’s tale of chance meetings and forgotton luggage. “Please, do not worry about such things… we are family, ne, Hide-san?” I smile slightly. Family. Why now are you back, Hide-san?
“Ah, you are both in Ito?” I ask, and again I wonder – Hide-san is always so formal that she called him by name… my thoughts are interrupted as Sachiko-chan begins to whine. It is that time, I realize…. I stand. “Would you both please excuse me? My little one needs to be put down for a nap. I’ll be back in a few moments.” I pick her up and leave the room, sliding the door back closed behind me.
(OOC – Hanako is out of the room)
Hanako-san assures me that it’s alright that I forgot… and I listen to Hajime giving a reason why I forgot the gifts… ah.
At least they know we know each other…
Hanako-san rises and leaves, and I look over at Hajime. I put my hand on his arm, and say in a low voice, “it’s not going -that- bad, ne?” I smile a little, and look down. “But… I’m glad you’re here by me.” My eyes rise up to look at his face again.
But I don’t like Hanako…
I keep my mouth shut though. No sense in getting her into a tissy. If she thinks it’s going well, then I will accept that, after all this -is- her family whom she knows better than I do.
“Maa…” “-You- are doing very well.” I say, before popping another piece of cake in my mouth.
Too sweet…
You- are doing very well.
“Am I?” I move my hand down his arm to take his hand, under the table. Quietly, I say, “we were only close briefly… so of all of my family, I was afraid that approaching her would be the most difficult. I’ve known her since she was born…” I shake my head. “Ah… I think I’m doing well too.” Something like… myself. Even if Hanako-san is distant, I’m still hopeful. Not cold like I was six years ago with Tamesaburou.
I watch him eating the cake and I grin softly. “I thought you didn’t care much for sweets…”
I don’t…
I shrug. I can’t really tell her some things that her home brings to me. I t would be rude of course. I feel like I’m ready to crawl out of my skin…
“It’s not -that- bad. I’ve had worse in coffee shops in Tokyo.”
I grin and turn her palm up so that my hand is on top of hers. Turning towards to her I smile. “You are so going to get it later…”
It’s not -that- bad. I’ve had worse in coffee shops in Tokyo.
“I wouldn’t imagine that Hanako-san would have coffee…” this house seems as traditional as it always has. This room… she has rearranged things but there’s nothing Western… “That make it more palatable, ne? More than tea?” I take a sip of mine.
You are so going to get it later…
I lace my fingers through his. “Is that a threat or a promise?” I laugh softly… to be having thoughts like this right now…
“A threat of course.”
She’s holding my hand and I let it go slowly. She knows of course why. I stand up and move by the window and took out a cigarette.
It’s best that he moved away… we’ll have time later… I glance at him from the side of my eyes as I take a sip of tea. “We’ll see… -later-.”
Upstairs I hear footsteps. The room above this one was my room… maybe it’s Sachiko-chan’s now? I’m pleased that she has it… but it’s strangely bittersweet.
I wait for Hanako-san to come back.
So much to do… I hope Hanako-san made sure to get my laundry today. I have to look right in Tokyo… a lot of what I’ve always wanted waits.
I move through the house, stopping in the kitchen. “We have guests today, a lady and a man,” says the young girl that helps old Maiko-san around the house. Maiko-san speaks up from where she’s cleaning rice, “Yuunosuke-san… it’s Hide-san.”
Hide-neesan? Hide-neesan!
My eyes open in shock as I hear that. “Really?” I drop the book I’m holding on the kitchen floor and run to the room that overlooks the garden where I know Hanako-san likes to see guests.
Flinging open the door… it’s her…
“Hide-neesan…” I look around the room and I see… Saitou-san? This is a strange day, maybe a dream I’m having after having fallen asleep face-first in a book.
I’m stuck in the doorway, just looking at her.
I hear Yuunosuke before he even comes in, just as -always-. He can hide well but can’t move silently to save his life. Looking back to Hajime with a smile I stand up.
“Yuunosuke…” he looks -less- like a boy now… but he’s… goodness… how old now? I laugh a little, my eyes taking in that familliar face.
Satisfied that this is real, I move forward to briefly embrace Hide, even if it’s a little embarrassing but … ah… it’s been so long.
“Tell me… why are you here in Kyoto? Did you get my books? Is my niece smart, can she read them all yet? Tamesaburou told me her name is Makoto…” I know I’m rambling as I keep looking at oneesan.
Then I remember that there’s someone else in the room. “Hello, Saitou-san. My brother said that he saw you here the other week.” When he went off drinking -without- me.
My brother said that he saw you here the other week.
“That’s correct.”
I briefly consider whether to tell the younger man of -why- his brother dragged me out to drink… or rather kept me company but decide not to.
Leaning by the wall I drag on my cigarette and watch Yuunosuke. The boy has a rather excited demeanor on him. I am glad someone more amiable has come into this room.
He welcomes me back…
I hold him for a moment before letting go, he was always hugging me as a child, and much more than Tamesaburou did… “ah… you still can’t get your hair tamed, ne?” I ask, before tackling his questions.
“Yes, Makoto-chan has your books and enjoys looking at the English ones… it’s one of the reasons she’s so fascinated by that language… I think she hates not knowing what’s in those books.” I smile… thinking what I want to try to find for her here before we leave for Ito. “And I’ve been well. We have a little house that looks out to the ocean… she’s in school and I work.”
It’s been so long. “Are you still teaching? Hanako-san tells me you have -yet- to marry…” As before with Hanako-san I’ve overwhelmed by the need to get the information that I’ve missed all these years.
I run my hand through my hair. “I should get some of that compound that westerners use, ne?” I say. “Yes, teaching, and no, not married. Hanako-san has been -trying- but none of them have been what I -” I realize I’m rambling again and nod at Hide-san. “Sorry… it’s been… a long time.”
I wonder why she’s here now… and with Saitou-san. Oh! Isnt’ Saitou-san with the police? “Hide-neesan, is everything… alright?” If she’s in trouble somehow Tamesaburou and I will help her…
Coming downstairs I hear the children… and I didn’t miss Yuunosuke coming in and heading straight to the room where Hide-san is.
Through the open door, I see him looking so happy… that’s all well and good but they were both so hurt after she left. I poke my head into the room. “Yuunosuke, I’ll have tea brought in for you. Kioko-chan and Hiroshu-kun just now got home so I’ll see to them.”
Hanako-san comes and goes before I can answer Yuunosuke. I give him a puzzled look. “No… not in trouble…”
The girl comes in with the tea and Yuunosuke sits down across from me. As he does that I try to meet Hajime’s eyes.
Without him… knowing he’s here for me. The events of the past month… without that I don’t think I could be here now, smiling at my brother who sits across from me. “How are the children?” I ask in a low voice. I want to see them… hopefully they’ll come in soon.
I take some of the fluffy sweet cake that’s on the table. One thing Hanako-san and I share. One of the few things… I think she’s great but she doesn’t read! But right now I like these cakes that have strawberry slices on them.
I don’t want to ignore Saitou-san… I see oneesan look over at him and smile but they’re probably good friends. She’s known him a long time after all. “Saitou-san, are you still in Tokyo?” If this goes well this week perhaps he can point me in the right direction.
I can almost chuckle I suppose. Sometimes I get the feeling that Hide is like a child that you have to nudge a few times and for a moment my eyes look down and I remember a little boy who…
My hand shakes for a moment as an apparition flashes before me. I find it hard to breathe and I’m struck… That morning going to the dojo so Eiji could learn… I turn abruptly towards the window.
What the hell is happening???
For a moment I grip the edge of the window sill. It would be quite embarassing if I pass out but… Flicking the cigarette butt outside, I realize I need air.
Saitou-san, are you still in Tokyo?
I nod… “Yes I still reside there…” I turn to bow slightly to both of them, “You’ll have to excuse me.”
Looking to where Hide is at, I’m not sure why but a wry look comes over my face.
“Hide… I’ll be back…”
Quickly I move out of the room. I just need some air. I’m not really going insane.
(OOC: Saitou exits for a while out to the garden)
It’s strange that oneesan’s eyes follow Saitou-san around… Are they… no… wasn’t he engaged to that woman who was with him at dinner that time?
“Now tell me… are you -really- alright?” I ask. “Is your – Makoto’s father…” I’m unsure what to call him… how strange as Tamesaburou and I have discussed him so often. “Is he … around?”
Arg…. this is awkward. Where is Tamesaburou?
I come back in the room just as Yuunosuke is asking about that man who… but that’s not why I came to interrupt them.
“Yuunosuke… we didn’t have time to get your laundry from the western place,” I tell him. So far from here… Tamesaburou wears the same things to work and trusts me and the servants to clean them. “You should go now if you want to pick it up before they close. I don’t think you’ll have time before your train.”
I have to resist rolling my eyes. Maybe my friends are right I do need a – No, not just for laundry service.
I get up, pulling out my watch and checking the time. I’m going to have to run. “I’m sorry, Hide-neesan…” and then I rememeber. “I’m to meet my coworkers tonight. They’re wishing me luck.” I beam at her. “I’m going to Tokyo in the morning to interview for a position at the university… and they’ll send me to -England-.” I can’t keep the excitement from my voice. “Just for a year or two,” I reassure her. But it’s the best place to continue my study of languages…
Then I think of my schedule. “I’m going to come to Ito -soon-… can I?” I ask. “I want to see my niece. Write me! Have -her- write me!”
Leaving the room I smile at her again. Arg. This isn’t -fair-… but I can’t get out of this, it’s the connections I made at this school that’s helping me move up. “Don’t disappear on us again,” I say, and then regret it. Oneesan just smile as does Hanako-san so maybe they got it that I was trying to make a joke.
I hug my sister one more time and run out of the house. Ah! What -bad- timing for all of this… my mind will be back -here- all night…
I’m so disappointed as Yuunosuke leaves… but of course… he has his own life.
Hanako-san closes the door and sits across from me. “Where did Yamaguchi-san go?” shes asks.
“Outside, I think.” I glance towards the door that leads outside. How I want to follow him. The memories this place must hold for him…
Good – it’s just us now.
I look at her for a minute… and decide that I’ve kept my silence for too long. Unlike this woman I say what I think. “You know they were both hurt when you left.”
“You put a lot on Tamesaburou… do you know what his fears were? That you wouldn’t be able to take care of yourself and that child? That he somehow failed in keeping you safe? He thought… ” I look at the table, “that something -horrible- happened to you to get you with a child.”
“But I kept my promise to you, Hide-san. I didn’t tell him about that man you told me about six years ago. The one that made you smile so… I liked the woman who came here that summer six years ago. I kept my promise even if it hurt him… because I always thought that you wouldn’t leave things like you did.”
“Years passed and you didn’t give us word… and you even refused the offer Tamesaburou made.” I look over at her.
I listen at her words, angry. I hurt Tamesaburou, the man she loves. I… I would be angry as well. The sting but I let the pain of them hurt me but not collect. I’m more clear than I was just a few months ago.
“I thought that I was doing what was best, staying away and keeping my distance. I am a single woman with a child. I wanted to keep the family out of this.”
“And yes… my child’s father is that man I told you about then. Not something horrible…” That Tamesaburou thought that… why didn’t he think that what did happen, something more reasonable… I shake my head. “I’m back now. I can’t make up for the past but I want…”
“My daughter is five and I want her to know her family. And I’ve missed you all so much as well.” My eyes focus on the teacup. “And as for that offer… as a mother… would you have? I couldn’t bear…”
“She’s what kept me alive back then… and she’s still so precious to me…” I say quietly.
After clearing my head and after discarding three tobacco sticks I head inside quietly, walking slowly for balance and so as not to disturb whoever is inside. But I stop by the door when I hear the two women talking and Hide speaking of Makoto’s father….
I stop and do not reveal myself… Why I’m doing this deplorable thing… Bah I need to know. I situate myself carefully where no one can see right behind the door and casually leaning again.. but listening intently…
(OOC: Saitou catches Hide’s last reply to Hanako and is listening)
“You didn’t need to take it all on yourself. Tamesaburou may be younger than you but he -is- head of the family.” I sigh. She treated them both like children at times and they -let- her… The one good thing is that Yuunosuke is less -dependant- than he was in years past.
“No, you cannot make up for the past. You’ve missed six years of our lives, we’ve missed six of yours. You have a niece you don’t know and the other two are no longer infants. We have a niece whose -name- we didn’t even know until the other week…”
I listen as she tells me about the offer to adopt out her daughter. “We didn’t try to arrange that to be cruel. We only wanted to help. And yes, as a mother… it would be hard but if I was raising a child alone, fatherless… I would consider it, because it might have been a life for her that you can’t give her.”
As a mother… I stand. I hate it that she put it that way, as if I wouldn’t… “I adore my children as well – the three in this house right now and the ones that didn’t make it…” my voice catches. How I wished at times that Hide-san had been there during those times. Not the Hide-san that I knew when I first came to this house as Tamesaburou’s bride… but the kind oneesan her brothers love so much. Or the woman… who smiled so freely that week in May six years ago…
I frown to keep my composure. “They’ll be glad you’re back. Just don’t hurt them again.” I walk to the door. “I should see to dinner. Tamesaburou should be home soon, do speak with him.” I leave Hide-san alone in the room.
I narrow my eyes and stare hard at the floor boards. I didn’t realize what has been really going on… Sometimes the shortes of conversations can be the most revealing…
A stabbing feeling tries to gut at my stomach.
There is much to think about…
As soon as I hear footsteps, I move away from the door and opened the door… It seemed their conversation was over after all.
“I’m back.”
Hanako is nowhere to be seen.
“I hope I didn’t miss anything.”
I smile at Hide and lightly scratch the back of my head.
Hajime enters… just as I needed him here… I said nothing to Hanako but my head is spinning… wishing we we closer so that I could say something to her about what she said about losing children…
In so many ways… over the past six years I kept my own pain… I didn’t want to hurt my brothers by asking for their help so I handled it all myself. Just as I didn’t want to hurt Hajime when he came for me and I couldn’t tell him… things that would have freed me.
Hanako-san is so angry at me… but Yuunosuke accepted me back so easily… But I’m -not- a horrible woman, despite all this…
Did I miss anything
“Not much…”
I catch myself.
No. I’m not going to… I take a deep breath, “she’s angry at me… I hurt them all. I thought… I should take care of everything on my own and I was so -cold- about it. I didn’t even say goodbye to Yuunosuke or Hanako.” I -hate- saying goodbye… “And I kept my distance, my silence… I thought I was protecting them but I was angry as well.”
I stand, turning to face him and so glad for that smile. “It’s hard… to face this.” Looking up at him, I say in a soft voice and lessen the distance between us, “thank you for being here… this place must be strange for you as well.”
this place must be strange for you as well
“No not really. My ghost here and past is just that the -past-.”
I take her hand and lead her outside, letting it go as we step out to the garden. I’ve loitered here many times of course way back when and this was where she used to practice her kata with Souji and the others.
Souji… Violently I push away the apparitions from earlier. That was just a product of this place. Eiji has had many different kendo instructors since I couldn’t find one skilled enough.
“The fresh air did me good.” I tell her with a chuckle, “Enclosed spaces can be quite suffocating when you’ve been cooped up for too long ne?”
Looking down I think of a way to answer her laments from earlier.
she’s angry at me… I hurt them all. I thought… I should take care of everything on my own and I was so -cold- about it. I didn’t even say goodbye to Yuunosuke or Hanako.””And I kept my distance, my silence… I thought I was protecting them but I was angry as well.”
“It will pass… These things take time and no one is perfect.” I say quietly. How those words ring so true… even with the dead and the living they are the same. I look back, “I told you as long one is alive…”
But they’re not anymore…
I chuckle at an old dilemma that really didn’t have a solution… Well it did, the solution was to live with it. I look up and it’s almost evening but the color of the afternoon sky…
“Do you think we should stay for dinner?”
To be quite honest, it really didn’t seem we were invited for it.
He leads me out the garden… the air here is clearer… “Mmm…. you came out for fresh air to -smoke-,” I tease him lightly, glad that I can say something light. I look out at the plants… it’s all so familiar again but there is change. Different flowers here, a change in a path here. I would think that any disturbance in my former domain would disturb me – but it doesn’t.
It will pass… These things take time and no one is perfect. I told you as long one is alive…
“That there is still a future…” I say, remembering what he said to me that day at the train. “Why is it…” I ask, taking his hand again, “that you can lead me back to hope?” I smile at him, softly, my eyes shining as I look at him.
I look at the hydrangeas, heavy with bluish blooms. “It -will- take time. I told you on the train that there had been problems between Hanako-san and I… Yuunosuke welcomed me back as I would thought he would… but I made the first step.”
Do you think we should stay for dinner?
I want to see the children… and Tamesaburou. But children shouldn’t have to be around for such things – Kioko-chan is old enought to be -aware-. I look towards the house, the end where the kitchen is. “I’ll go say my goodbyes to Hanako-san. Do you think… in the morning I want to see Tamesaburou… since he’s the once that spoke to you about me…” I could go to his office… that might be easier and I would like to speak to him without Hanako-san around.
“But then… I did promise you soba, ne?” I smile at him.
“Yes indeed a future…” I look down and I think of my own children but I’m brought back rather quickly as I see her looking over the garden. She’s one of them, just like Tokio who likes to work with her hands.
I’ll go say my goodbyes to Hanako-san. Do you think… in the morning I want to see Tamesaburou… since he’s the once that spoke to you about me…”
“You certainly can. I’ll pick you up there, after I get something for Tsutomu… Go say goodbye.”
Leaving Hajime in the garden, I go to the kitchen. Two children look at me with wide, puzzled eyes, stopping their chatter over open books and papers at the table. Do they remember me? Is it because a strange woman is just -wandering- about? Or do they see the resemblance?
“Hanako-san, I’ll be leaving now. Will you let Tamesaburou know that I’ll come to see him in the morning at his office? He’s still at the same place, correct?”
She nods, “I’ll let him know.” I try not to let my eyes linger on Kioko-chan and Hiroshi-kun. Hanako-san puts down what she’s working on and steps closer. “They -will- be glad that you’ve back… but don’t just disappear on them again,” she says in a low voice.
Her face is stern but there’s something pleading in her eyes. “I won’t. I take a piece of paper from my bag, “this is my address in Ito.”
She looks over it as she takes it, “thank you. I’ll see you, then.” Hanako-san turns to get back to working on dinner.
It’s a step… I tell myself as I come back out to the garden to meet Hajime.
I smile at him, leading him back out the gates. “Ready to find some soba? Or do you want to eat back at the room?”
I let go of her hand of course. Hanako did say that Tamesaburou was coming and it would not be good….
Walking slightly ahead of her, I think of a place where we can go.
“Let me stop by that shop.” I point to a rather small establishment with a very worn noren. “Do you want anything?”
I walk briskly to catch up with Hajime as he walks ahead of me.
I try to remember if I know this place… “We didn’t have lunch, so I am hungry. What do they have here?” I try to catch the scent to see if that tells me anything.
“Noodles… Udon… Kake soba.. Ramen… Hiyashi…”
I decide to just lead her inside, we can eat here.
“Sit down…”
Looking from across our table, I see a few solitary men enjoying their meal. Raising my hand I call to the young lady.
“What do you want?”
I sit across from Hajime, noting that the place isn’t very crowded but that it does smell wonderful. True Kyoto cooking…
“Oh, I would like Hiyashi,” I tell the girl as she comes over. It is summer, after all… this will be cool and refreshing.
After getting Hajime’s order the girl leaves, and I look over at him. “In the morning… when I’m with Tamesaburou, can you find something for me? I wanted to get Makoto those western things… the colored drawing sticks? Another girl at school has them and I cannot yet find them. Oh, and I need to bring something back for Saya.”
The girl leaves but I catch the way she looked at us.
Incredulous…
Is it me? There’s no way a girl like her would know anything about Hide and I. Or are we too obvious? No…
Waving the thoughts aside I try to focus on the woman before me.
Colored drawing sticks…
I chuckle slightly and nod my head. “I’ll look around. If I do not find anything Saya and I will get some when we go to Tokyo next week.”
Saya and I will get some when we go to Tokyo next week
“Oh… are you going for a few days?” I ask, hoping it won’t be for -too- long. “But thank you… I’d like to find those for her.” It will be neater than letting her play with ink, I believe.
The girl brings the food back, remarkably quick.
“Oh… are you going for a few days?”
“A few days yes…” I look towards my side, watching the waiting girl who seems to want to loiter. Shaking my head I just decide to eat my kake soba, this is the only place I really do find it done well.
“Souji used to come here with me… But not for the noodles.” I tell her as I start to make slurping sounds. The owner really does make plain Kake soba -well-.
I wonder why the girl lingers… I take some of the hiyashi, it has a pleasant enough taste and watch Hajime with the soba. “How is your soba?” I ask. Mine has more dressing than I would use, I run my tongue over my lips to catch the excess sauce.
“Souji came here? But why, if not for the noodles?” I ask, smiling at the sounds of him enjoying his soba.
“Souji loves the manju the old man used to give out for free.”
I laugh and set the chopsticks down.
“That was the only reason… Everyone else were really not fond of noodles with as much frequency.”
Looking around I see there is no water served… Just tea. I frown and poured myself some.
“Souji loves the manju the old man used to give out for free.”
I can’t help it! I head back to the table were that man… “We still serve the manju sir if you would like any…”
Smiling I wait for his answer. Doesn’t he remember me? Too bad grandfather already passed away, he would’ve liked to see this man here again.
That the girl is immediatly back about the comment about manju.
For a minute I remember how Souji’s eyes lit up as I presented a platter of mochi.
“They’re not -quite- round,” I smile, feeling a little silly. Imagine spending all day trying to get these just right… the first batch was even more uneven but my brothers didn’t mind…
“It’s about the taste, Yagi-san,” he takes one and his smile gets brighter. “Very good! With a little more work they will be truly -excellent-.” He laughs. “Thank you so much, Yagi-san.”
It’s then that Harada-san suddenly appears, grinning expectantly. How did he always know when there was food was around. “Hey these are kinda lumpy!” he says, picking up two and eating them in one big gulp.
I blink. “Yes, please,” I tell the girl, who continues to hover and smile. “Hajime?” I know he is not -fond- of sweets but manju isn’t as strongly sweet like the cakes this afternoon.
“No manju for me…”
I’d rather smoke while she has dessert anyway.
“The old man used to make…” I frown trying to remember. It’s been so -long-. “I think it has chestnuts?”
Looking up to the young lady, I frown. Hopefully she knows what I’m talking about.
“Oooh yes!” I clap my hands together softly, “Kuri Manju! We still have some of those, grandfather was very good in making them.”
Was?
“Where is oji-san?” I might as well ask. It would be good to see the old man again after all these years.
I lower my head. It’s been at least more than four years now and I’ve been running this place myself.
“Unfortunately Saitou-san, he’s passed and left this place to me.”
I bow, “He was happy to have spoken to you though. How long has it been? A few years now? After you visited here, he kept on talking about the “old” days.” A gay look passes over my face thinking about the man who raised me, “I shall get your manju now. Compliments of the house of course. Please wait for a few moments.”
Stepping away, I hurry. If there was something my grandfather was strict about was treating our customers with respect and being prompt is part of that.
I watch the exchange between Hajime and the girl and watch as she heads off to the kitchen.
“You must have come here more recently,” I say. Maybe the time when we were here, six years ago? Of course… he probably was in Kyoto in the time since then. “I doubt the young lady is old enough to have remembered you coming here with Souji.”
“I doubt the young lady is old enough to have remembered you coming here with Souji.”
“Yes quite young…”
It does not escape me of course. The young lady is making a mistake. I’ve never come here except for now. I was considering it the last time when I met with Tamesaburou… Mibu after all is out of the way, now that I have no business in Shimabara with Saya out of the place.
Lighting up I consider whether to ask her whether she is mistaking me for someone else… I snort at the thought.
“How many people do you think is named Saitou in Japan?” I scoff.
How many people do you think is named Saitou in Japan?
“I wouldn’t think that many…” I answer, nodding in thanks as the girl comes back with the manju. Taking a bite… it’s not something I eat often.
Memories are tied to the smallest of things… I look over at the man across from me who’s missing so much. Saya said he remembers his work here from six years ago… why doesn’t he remember this place, if he came here?
He’s still Hajime… and it’s still there. In certain things I believe and have faith, because I see enough to know that he’s not lost.
Smiling across the table at him, I reach for his hand, “thank you for bringing me here… I hope your soba was good.”
She takes a bite of the manju and I watch dryly. Why is it that I’m bothered the old man is gone when it’s been more tha fifteen years at the very least. I drag on my cigarette thinking. Today was a multitude of…
“thank you for bringing me here… I hope your soba was good.”
I nod blowing out a stream of smoke. “Not as good as the last time…”
Finishing my cigarette I wait for her to finish. Suddenly I’m very tired. It must be because I’m in Kyoto… And perhaps what I found out earlier.
I eat the last of the manju, and stand up. “Come… let’s go back to the ryoken,” I say. It’s been such a long day… and much has happened. Suddenly I’m hit by the need to be alone with Hajime… to talk to him about this day and those that happened a long time ago.