I bid the carriage to stop. “This is fine, thank you,” I tell the driver, paying him.
Stepping out I look around. Not much has changed. But this is Kyoto, I remind myself with a bit of a smile. And that aspect of my old hometown is both a blessing and a curse.
I pause by the front of the ryoken. To just go in and say, “yes, I stayed here six years ago with my beloved. I’m feeling nostalgic; I’d like to see the room again,” would probably result in me being firmly led outside and sent away. No…
Instead I go around the outside, back to the river. Yes that room was special but this place was as well. I stand by the tree, watching the water, and lost in thought. Even at the cost of a carriage ride I’m glad I came.
(OOC – Hide is out by the river)
June 18th, 1885, morning – Visiting the past
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The sound of the water lulls me to where my mind drifts back, to another day by this river…
“Come Hide…” he held out his left hand, “let’s talk.”
“Yes…” taking his hand I follow him as we go to the riverside.
“Today… Just like the other day at the play. I wanted you. But I got shot the night before and it hurts like hell.” He sighed “My fuse is quite short when things go wrong…”
“Shot? Are you – Now?” I gripped his hand slightly tighter than I should, my eyes open wide, “Oh, Hajime… I knew something was -wrong-…. I know you can be… moody but I’m … me.. and I have to keep trying to chase that away.” I looked up at him. “You’ve let someone see too it, right? Is it your arm?”
“As I’ve said that’s not important… The only reason I’m telling you is I can’t explain kicking that stupid bowl.” He looked down at me, “I killed them, but failed to capture one for questioning. But.. that’s not the point… I can’t hear you right now with regards to Souji… It is not something you can answer for me. It is something I have to see for myself… I can’t believe you because I don’t know who the person I met back then was… I’ll bring it up many times of course, I’m stubborn that way. Just don’t add to it. You can even keep quiet when you get tired of it.” He let go of my hand and scowls.
“If you cannot believe me… then I will have to show you the only way I know how to… by staying by your side -here-.” I looked up at him, seeing his scowl. “There are things that bind us together… and always remember that I love you.” I stepped closer to put my arms around him, to hold him. So we’re outside… I don’t -care-. “And as for wanting… you were not alone the other night… or earlier…. I will just have to take care of you until you are recovered and then…” I grinned.
“Binds us…” he muttered. “I’ll think of that when I sleep but you know, faith is… a lot of people lose faith. I think.” He moves my arm away, with a grimace, “don’t my right shoulder… Sumanai..” He looked down at me, and held my face. “You will at least let me touch you and kiss you right when we get -home-?”
I stepped back, “ah, sorry… ” I met his eyes. “But yes, you may touch me and kiss me all you wish at -home-.” And when we are home… in the garden… “Of course, you may do that here, or on the train…” I smiled.
He threw his cigarette into the river. “Then I’ll do that right here.” He stepped closer, and bent down to kiss me for a long moment. “You know… I was thinking for a while that maybe all this wasn’t worth it… Because even if all you do is make me happy, loving you hurts.” He smiled a little, that sad smile that always reminded me of how he asked me to never leave him. “But… I still think it’s worth it.”
I met his kiss, and then said, “I hope… to always make it worth it for you… even when it hurts… I’ve never stopped loving you, or wished that it had never happened… it is worth it to me. What I get from you, with you… ” I looked deeply into those amber eyes for what seems like a little bit of forever, and I touched his cheek. “is worth it,” I said, softly, as I brought my lips back to his.
The second kiss lasted longer… tinged with sadness that melted into sweetness. He cleared my throat after breaking away, as always, too soon. “I’ll walk you home.” He holds onto my hand, leading me away from the river and back to Mibu.
I shake my head slightly and blink. Binds us… It had been right there before we went to Kyoto that I realized that I was probably carrying our child. I lean back against the tree, my eyes still on the water that sparkles slightly as it rushes by in the morning sun.
(OOC – still at the river)
Just come back to me?
My mind drifted back again. I look down… I don’t know what I expected coming here.
Oh yes I did…
Turning I don’t look back. I won’t have much time with Tamesaburou if I keep waiting around here for…
That’s what I was doing, wasn’t I? Waiting? Hoping that we would find each other by this river…
There was a song, wasn’t there… that he gave me after the river. How I miss those songs… How I miss so much…
How I miss him.
With a sigh I go to the road to look for a carriage.