I awake in wee hours of the morning. Not that I could really sleep… This reminds me of the time I used to rise first and leave her so I can go to work. A time where she would usually complain “Why don’t you ever wake me up?”.
Breakfast is probably something I should consider for both of us. In the darkness I can barely see her but the important thing is I do. How in one night everything came back as if someone just dumped a bucketful of cold water on my face. And once again I’m speechless at how this woman can pull at me even at the brink of death. Who would’ve thought I’d follow Harada’s example.
Turning to my side as I get up, I feel something cold brush against my waist. My neck bristles realizing what it was but I do not make an effort to remove it. From now on it will be a part of me, just like when I used to carry that other tanto for insurance.
And by Kami… She will never see this one again.
Letting my hand skim the curve of her waist, I squeeze it slightly wondering if I should go and get an early start or if I should wait till she wakes up… There was an old life she had dreamt up while she was in Tokyo. A little secret which she doesn’t know I have stumbled upon. Perhaps our answer lies there. Certainly it will be a compromise but perhaps it is worth it.
Saitou recalls an old story
He was gone by the time I woke up this morning. As usual. It was always a bit of a rude awakening, to find that nice warm body that I had snuggled up to all night gone when I open my eyes. Rising, I begin to put away the sleeping things – and locate my yukuta that went missing in the night. I need to see to the laundry, but it’s nice to still smell him in the bedding.
“Why don’t you ever wake me up?” I asked once, when we were first together. It honestly made me nervous – this new thing was so uncertain, and fragile, and I had no idea how to negotiate such a thing. “I’m rather unpleasant in the morning,” he answered. It was then that he moved to me, holding me close, and as I lay my head on his chest, and he said, “I prefer to leave you looking peaceful. that is the image of you that I like to have of you when I’m out for the day.” For Hajime to admit such things is rare – he has never been a man to shower me in sweet words, but . I rarely have to doubt, anymore, how he feels about “his woman”.
His woman. That’s really all of the title that I can have from him now. I don’t mind it, most of the time. I resent like hell having to share him, in some sense, with that wife back in Tokyo, but I don’t care about it for myself. That, by the standards that I was raised, that I have certainly . gone astray. A good samurai daughter does not run off and take up with a married man. But I’ve always been guided too much by my heart than common sense – it is that which led me to accept this . shadow life with Hajime. Because what little this is, it is with him, and I am happy. And in Hokkaido, people don’t ask a lot of questions, I’ve found.
We’ve both known what it is to lose people who we care for, but I wonder if it’s those losses, and the time that has passed, is what brought us together? Would I have loved him at seventeen? Unlikely, and just as unlikely that he would have loved me back. He was focused on his duty, and I. I was lost to the sweetness that Souji provided. We do not speak of it much – I think that Hajime fears that Souji still holds a piece of my heart – but it’s the part of my heart that is forever a young girl, in the gardens of my father’s house, lost in that little leaping thrill of first love. That part that is lost to Souji is nothing that can threaten or diminish what I feel for Hajime – the sweetness now has a bitter tinge to it, and could never compare to this
all-consuming emotion that I have now. Hajime and I came
together, so many years later. It was only then that I remembered how I used to catch his eyes following me, or that when there were times that I should have been intimidated by that aura of intensity that he exuded in those days, I was still. drawn to him. But never brave enough to barely even speak to him – and then I thought only of another. and I doubt that he would have spoken with me then, somehow. The differences between us were much more pronounced, when we were young. But if we had? What then? Would he still have married.
I try not to think of Tokio too much. There’s so many conflicting emotions there – guilt, of course, but did I take anything that was ever hers? That’s something that we never discuss – her. He will tease me about Souji, but I would never dare to do the same to him. I wonder if she knows about me? A few months ago he went back down there for two weeks – it was the longest two weeks of my life, and this house was never cleaner. It was strained when he came back – I was just waiting for him to tell me that he was going to move his family up here, or . tell me that it would be best if I went back to Kyoto. But gradually, cautiously, we found each other again.
A wife who is very much alive, and the mother of his children, is a much greater threat than the ghost of Okita Souji.
At least with those other women that he knows in Tokyo – tanuki, kitsune, itachi – I can laugh at him about those, show mock jealousy. “Ah, you’re going back to Tokyo for that girl, Hajime.” Which would make him growl, “Neko-chan – how many times do I need to tell you that I do not chase after girls.”
“Neko-chan – why on earth that?” I had no idea where his little name for me came from; he simply started calling me that. He only smirked, and answered, “Because you like to curl up on my lap, and you look so damn contented, like a cat that got its way.” He tries to be stern when he says these things, but I could see how amused he was with himself. And then I only had to show him how his “Neko-chan” could pounce.
Until Hajime, I never thought that I could be so bold in what I wanted like that. To desire like that . I revel in his touch, and I delight in our passion. Ah, I still blush over it sometime – but that is certainly something I never imagined that I would find, and I wouldn’t think that I would have this degree of aggressiveness, the ability to say clever, teasing things. I am still quiet and shy – but there’s a side to me that only he can bring out in me.
I busy myself through the day – though, to be honest, there’s not a lot to see to in this little house. A trip to the market. Laundry. Make plans for the garden in spring, and sweep the wet dead leaves from the walk. As evening approaches, I start dinner, and take care in my dress. I leave my hair down for him, tied back loosely with a ribbon. Not very proper for a woman my age, but he could care less about that, and when it is just us – I do not get too concerned over that impropriety. I try to do these little things that please him – in whatever time we have together in Hokkaido. I do not care how cold it is outside – I would follow that man to Mongolia, if he asked. Of course, he never so much asked me to come to Hokkaido with him as made a grumbling suggestion. “I am being transferred. To Hokkaido. If you want to come with me, I suggest you look into some warmer clothes.” I could only smile as my heart pounded wildly. “Yes, I think I will.”
Saitou Hajime. Fujita Goro. All those names, and the many more he’s gone by, but only one matters to me. Mine. The one I love. I cannot dwell on the sadness, on those, living and dead, that stand between us.
I hear the door slide open, “Neko-chan, I am home.”
I blink a few times. There are things that can no longer be changed… But there are things that we can go after. Kissing her neck, I squeeze her tighter still. Perhaps she’ll want to wake up before I leave. Today is an important day.
June 30, 1885 – Reflections
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Dawn’s first light…
A morning I never thought I’d see. I had accepted, I thought, that I would go in darkness, to the end I so craved that night. Yet that fate was averted… I feel Hajime’s hand at my waist… a hand so familiar I know it at an instant.
Wake me up…
So many morning I awoke without him… how I wished to see him those mornings. This morning though he’s beside me… and again I know what’s important. In the morning I still have a dream… even after facing the worst nightmare. A nightmare made real… yet somehow we survived, because I can’t deny where I want to be, even as I gave up on the world.
I stir with a bit of a moan, turning to him to nuzzle the side of his neck, my arm going around his waist, to pull myself closer. For a moment my hand settles on his stomach, and I shiver. But he’s here now… here beside me and my hand is more sure as it settles on his back. My immortal wolf indeed, I think… ah, that but yet the -man- who is my dearest one.
How he brought me back from the edge of madness and despair… when I was ready to give up everything… on those I held dear, on myself. I open my eyes to look at my beloved… even in the low light, the planes and lines of his face… and those eyes, they will always captivate me. To think I came so close to never seeing them again. How I wish to always have those eyes look at me… not just in tenderness or amusment… even when they’re angry… as long as they see me, as they did a long time ago, as they did last night. And mine will search for him.
Another storm we survived… another ending faced yet we’re back here again. Together… so that now we can share this dawn together. “Good morning,” I say in a low voice, a slow smile turning my lips up.
She nuzzles against me and I let myself enjoy it for a while longer. It’s quite comforting to wake up like this again. To be whole and not feel like one is walking a tightrope. How important the past is… But it was worth it to get her back.
“Fix me some coffee. We should get this day started -early-.”
Getting up I fix myself. It will be a busy and long day but it’s come. Finally.
I’m delighting in this closeness… this affection. So much of
Fix me some coffee. We should get this day started -early-.
I raise my eyebrows, and grin. “Yes -sir-.” I stand, and tie my yukata firmly… I’ll get dressed after coffee and tea. I open the window, and I look at the sunrise over the ocean for a minute. It’s almost as if… it’s the first time I’ve seen a morning in a long time. “I’ll be right back.”
I pass the door where our daughter sleeps, blissfully unaware of her parents and what had passed… I slide the door open, I see a little smile on her face and she mutters something about a turtle. She’s not a dream… our little girl dreams, dreams of an innocent child. And I’ll let her for a while longer. It’s still early after all.
Coming back upstairs, balancing a tray with two cups I return, sitting down next to him. “Start this day early? Ah… what do you have planned for me?”
I did already get so much that I had asked for for this morning.
She goes around the room and I was about to ask her what she’s doing but thankfully she leaves. I can hear a door being slowly opened and I know she’s checking up on our daughter. I stand by the window, slightly looking to the left where the door is ajar. Of course I was right.
Is it too early for a cigarette?
I chuckle to myself and give in to the devilish pleasure. Not much longer she returns and I found myself sipping the coffee slowly. The sun will come out soon.
“Start this day early? Ah… what do you have planned for me?”
“Quite demanding today aren’t you?” I grin and walk over. “I had no plans for -you-.”
She’ll have to be just a little bit more patient with me. “Fix your hair… And -please- wash that face.”
Ah yes her eyes are still swollen after all. But I do want to watch her do what she does best… Well -next- best thing. Make herself look all pretty. My woman does that.
I enjoy my tea… the warmth and fragrance… we may not share the same drink but we can still share this time. And the smell of his cigarette
Quite demanding today aren’t you?
He comes closer, and I reach up and playfully tap the tip of his nose. “I’m demanding -every- morning,” I laugh. “Just to let you know.” My fingers play in his bangs for a moment, and then I see to getting ready as he asks.
I sit in front of the mirror, and wash my face. The night shows in my eyes but my cheeks are pink. Alive… I wash up, and then see to my hair. Pulling it down from the tangled mess it was from last night, I shake my head slightly to let it flow free and begin to comb through it, getting all the knots out, some are a -fight-… “Mmm… were only I blessed with such perfectly straight hair as you and our Makoto,” I shake my head.
“No plans for me?” I catch the reflection of his eyes in the mirror as I start to twist my hair up, and select a pin to wear in it. “Then you have a full day ahead of you?”
I watch her closely, perhaps waiting for a pout. Crossing my arms I finish the last of the coffee and blow the smoke out of the corner of my mouth.
“Then you have a full day ahead of you?”
“Yes. What are your plans for the day?” I ask knowing perfectly well that I can’t partake in any activities here but I should at least hear about it.
Flicking the half unfinished cigarette butt to the window, I move behind her watching her face at the mirror. “I want you to have a full day today. I’ll be going back to Tokyo for a -while- but I do not want you to worry.”
Yes. What are your plans for the day?
“Makoto needs to get up shortly, she still has school, but this is my day off. After I walk the girls there…” I bite my lip trying to get the tricky part, that one willful section of hair that always tries to break free into its arrangement. “Then I’ll be busy here, and I need to run some errands…” I think of one in particular, “and before I know it… the girls will be back.” And I have an -idea-… that they’ll be up to something, and perhaps I might get my annual visit to the secret base today.
Done, I turn back to look at him.
I’ll be going back to Tokyo for a -while- but I do not want you to worry.
Another time I would have been set to some panic… but something familiar is seeping back in. I stand, and put my arms around him, crossed arms and all, my eyes that seek out his are… the eyes of a woman who is sure in the man who stands before her. “I will of course worry…” I grin, but then my voice becomes softer. “I just won’t worry about you not coming back… I know better.”
It was something I feared… because I never thought that I would deserve him, and doubted my abilities to keep him as I needed him. But he loves me… of this I am certain. And in being assured in that, I don’t have to worry that he won’t come back.
“Besides,” I drop a light kiss on his chin, “you’ll be back for that -most- passable soba I make.” I grin. This morning I want to smile, even as we have such serious things on our minds. I want to smile and take pleasure in this life… this love.
“you’ll be back for that -most- passable soba I make.”
Holding her at arms length, I scowl just a bit.
“I’m not waiting -that- long woman! You either send me off with a bento full of soba or you won’t get any presents for your birthday when I come back.”
I feel relieved somewhat. Today was an important day and this time I didn’t forget. Although it would’ve been better if I was prepared. But first thing’s first.
“I heard you tell your friend once… That you’d follow me to Mongolia.” I grin slightly, “Better get your bags ready in a week. My transfer has been approved.”
The paradise of Ito is wonderful indeed but perhaps this time she should stay with me, even if it’s not as beautiful as this place nor as peaceful. But perhaps there she can live out her dream and I my purpose.
You either send me off with a bento full of soba or you won’t get any presents for your birthday when I come back.
This time he remembers… “If I’m to make soba this morning… you go and wake our daughter and get her ready.” I grin slightly, and I cross this distance to lean against him. “What kind of presents? Do I get a -hint-?” I tilt my head and try to look -charming-.
I heard you tell your friend once… That you’d follow me to Mongolia
Mongolia… then he’s seen… I smile, surprised. “Or further… as long as I can have a garden there.”
Better get your bags ready in a week. My transfer has been approved.
I only look at him and blink. Twice. Then I’m simply overcome…
I grab him and hold him, tightly. “Hajime…” His name comes out in a whisper. Words fail me, so I express my joy in the only way I can right now… I pull him down by his collar to a kiss, a kiss that, no matter how much I put into it, cannot truly tell this man… how much I love him.
I break away, to say, “then get Makoto ready… and let’s tell her that she’ll be moving to Hokkaido… so she can live with her father.”
She looks her -damned- cutest but I bet she’s trying to look beguiling. I snort and chuckle at the same time.
What kind of present would it be if I told her -now-?
“Or further… as long as I can have a garden there.”
“A garden? It’s quite cold there… Your camellias might not do so well.”
Suddenly after I tell her what I have in mind, she pulls me down for a strong kiss that for a moment I forgot to breathe. Sweeping my tongue on the roof of her mouth I feel slightly… But I close my eyes as her presence takes a hold of me. Slowly it ends and I manage a low grin evening out my breath.
“-Still- quite a kiss.”
then get Makoto ready… and let’s tell her that she’ll be moving to Hokkaido… so she can live with her father.”
I blink. I’m not sure if I was ready for -that-. Certainly we should get things together first. There’s so many things to consider. Suddenly I’m in a panic, starting to sweat at the palm of my hands.
“Hide… Not yet. Perhaps after I come back. I still have to arrange for our lodgings and… It would be hard to explain to Makoto our circumstance. There’s still getting her ready to leave this place. A new school. New faces… The child needs to be used to the idea. Things in Tokyo are still…” I pause and look down realizing that I’m rambling.
A garden? It’s quite cold there… Your camellias might not do so well
“Those will stay… the orchids of course… we’ll be packing. But Hokkaido is no frozen wasteland. It’s where lavender comes from… spring comes late and summer is shorter but it’s still glorious.” I think of what I’ve read, how Americans imported thier glass houses for plants some ten years ago… gardening -is- my passion after all. “And if something won’t work there, you can build me a greenhouse.”
-Still- quite a kiss.
Slightly breathless at his reaction, I nod, “likewise…”
He starts to talk and talk… about Makoto and school and where we’ll live. And our circumstances… so I do what he does for me. I pull him down to sit on the floor and sit in his lap. His hands are sweating…
I’m quiet for a minute, thinking of that girl who is strong, like her father. “She needs to know why we’re leaving. It’s not as if you’re a stranger, and I know she’s very fond of you already… but this is something very important between you and her.” I smile, my thumb tracing his cheekbone. “I’ll wait then… I’m won’t tell her until you’re back. This will be done as a -family-.” So from that moment on… we can go forward like that. “I’ll start to get her ready, though.”
Things in Tokyo are still…
Tokio… “Are you going to see her?” I look at him, hoping that my eyes show that there’s no jealousy… only concern. “You should… before you go.” I trace the lines of his hands with my fingers. “I know… it’s something that you’ll carry with you, what happened. But before we go… you should talk to her.” I gaze into his eyes. “You know this is partly me wanting you free… but Hajime…” I pause for a second. “It will be difficult… but perhaps it’s time to settle things. She’ll always be a part of your life, but you need to make peace with her if you’re going to move on.” I know in that story that was an insecurity. It doesn’t have to exist, though, in this dream we’ll be chasing.
“And if something won’t work there, you can build me a greenhouse.”
“If I have time to.” I’m going there to work after all. I’ll be lucky to spend anytime at all with her and Makoto while stationed there.
She speaks of Makoto and then suddenly of Tokio. I heave a sigh. “I’ll think about it. Let me get Makoto ready so you can prepare that soba.”
Standing up I wait at the door, “If you can prepare something else for Saya… It will be a long trip.”
He’s quiet and I know I’ve probably gone too far…
And then I remember… he spoke of the plate. That plate which… “Hajime,” I reach for his arm as he stands by the door, “you… remember… everything now?” I look up at him. He remembers what I was like…
But then in the flash of a moment, before I can begin to worry, I realize, he came back for me… he -keeps- coming back… for a moment I feel light-headed. He comes back for the same reasons I never give up. It’s as I said once, and as he reminded me… with him I never have to doubt that I am loved.
I look at him with shining eyes, overcome, and I embrace him, tightly but quickly in a sudden move as he stands in the doorway. “Ahh…” I grin, ruefully. “You’re trying to get out to Tokyo to get -our- life going and here I am… I can’t stop wanting to hold you.”
My grin falls, though, to a soft smile and I’m quiet for a moment, drinking in this man’s presence. My voice now to a whisper, I say, simply, “thank you.” For loving me… for letting me be in your life… for always giving me something special. He should know how I feel by now, but… he should hear it sometimes. That I know of how he takes care of me… that I know just how he loves me.
It’s not about deserving. How could I ever deserve a man like -this-? But that he loves me… shows that I am worthy. And I hope that he realizes the same, through the way that I love him.
I step away, slightly, the grin back. We do have things to do, but sometimes, I simply… on a morning like this, after the darkness of the night before… it comes bursting though, just like the first rays of sun through the window. Perhaps naive in the face of the problems we still face… but I want to always have that hope… “I’ll see you downstairs in a moment… I’ll make up something good for you and Saya.”
“You’re trying to get out to Tokyo to get -our- life going and here I am… I can’t stop wanting to hold you.”
I just grin at that. Really, I don’t mind being held. She says something that I -barely- catch.
Thank you.
“No Hide…” I wonder if she realizes how she reaches out to me. Time and time again when I get lost. I step closer and my arms encircle her waist. I’d tell her again I love her but I think soon. I do not want it to lose it’s meaning. “That’s -my- line.”
I let her go and just stand there. Letting my eyes roam from head to toe. I nod approvingly. She should look her best of course, today is a special day for her.
“I’ll see you downstairs in a moment… I’ll make up something good for you and Saya.”
“I’ll get Makoto ready…”
Again I step towards the door. Then I remembered…
“Pickles… See if you have anything sweeter.” I call out to Hide as I opened the door to Makoto’s room. I know this room quite well… Especially to the right where there’s a row of books. Suddenly I’m gripped with a slight but -annoying- hesitant feeling but I shake it off and kneel by the futon.
“Hime-sama…” I whisper to my daughter, “Wake up.”
Is it morning already? I hear the door slide open.
Hime-sama… Wake up.
“Mmmm…” I mutter, rolling over. A little bit longer?
Then I realize… that voice isn’t Okaasan’s… and Hime-sama?
My eyes pop open and I sit up. “Yamaguchi-san!” How funny to see him so early but so nice! I try to smile but a yawn gets in the way. “Good morning.”
(OOC – Hide has gone downstairs)
“Good morning.”
“Good morning.” She yawns obviously needing a little more time in bed. If it had been another time, I’d get on her case just like her mother a long time ago. But instead, just for -today- I tell myself, since I -am- going away again… I scoot her over and lie down on her futon.
“You can go to sleep for another ten.” I prop my head up with the extra pillow that got tossed to the side. I wonder how it got there…
You can go to sleep for another ten
“Oh good…” I say as he lies next to me. I snuggle closer, like I do with Okaasan sometimes, back when she used to sleep in my room.
I close my eyes but it’s too late and it’s not working, even when I try to lie quietly. I’m already awake. I look over at my uncle, and then I remember.
“Is today Wednesday?” I whisper, since we’re supposed to be -sleeping-.
She snuggles and I bring an arm down to her small shoulder. She doesn’t seem to be that interested in sleeping though as her eyes keeps on fluttering open. I grin. Children…
“Is today Wednesday?”
“No” I say quietly, “It’s Tuesday. Why?”
“Oh good, I was afraid that I forgot Okaasan’s birthday.” I look over at him, and decide that he should know. “My birthday is December 8th. When’s yours?”
I smile back at his grin. “Mochizuki-san is going to help me make her tea and we’ll have it in my secret base, that’s her present. Can you come too? It’s alright if you smell like fish.”
“Oh good, I was afraid that I forgot Okaasan’s birthday.”
“Not at all.” I say casually and then my voice draws to a whisper… “The eight of December…”
I’m quiet for a moment, the tea party in her base almost going past me. I just nod my head. Trying to recall what I was doing that day almost six years ago…
The eight of December…
“Yes,” I nod, looking up at him. “But I don’t want a tea party like Okaasan. That’s -her- thing.” Tea is… I don’t think anyone could like tea as much as she does. “So this year you and Okaasan can think of something fun.” This will be my first birthday with more family than just her. Too bad what I think is fun won’t happen in Ito.
He’s really quiet. “Yamaguchi-san, when is your birthday? I don’t think you’re -so- old that you can’t have them anymore.” Okaasan did say I shouldn’t ask adults how old they are, but I do want to know so I can do something for him too.
“But I don’t want a tea party like Okaasan. That’s -her- thing.”
“Yes it is -her- thing. Tea when hot or warn is bland, when cold bitter…” I chuckle with her comment.
“So this year you and Okaasan can think of something fun.”
Raising my eyebrows, I look back at Makoto “Oh? If you already know what you would like to do. You should just tell us so that we can prepare. It only comes once in a year so if we get it wrong…” I chuckle again and push her hair back, “That’s why you always speak what’s on your mind.”
“Yamaguchi-san, when is your birthday? I don’t think you’re -so- old that you can’t have them anymore.”
“The start of every year of the new calendar.”
It’s amusing how vibrant she is. It’s almost infectious, that I do not have enough time to mull over -that- time when she was born.
Yes it is -her- thing. Tea when hot or warn is bland, when cold bitter…
“Unless there’s a lot of sugar in there…” I tell him. “But I like milk better. Oh! Or when Okaasan makes melon juice.”
Oh? If you already know what you would like to do. You should just tell us so that we can prepare.
Slowly I roll over and off the futon, to the shelf where Okaasan has my books. I pick up on English one that my other uncle sent me, scooting back over and the book falls open to the page that I’ve spent the most time looking at. I say shyly, “this…” I look at the picture again, all the pictures in the book are about children and their father (I think he is, from the other pictures) building and playing on it. “It’s like a secret base but made out of snow. But we don’t get snow in Ito, just flurries, but maybe one year it will…” I sigh, “But it needs a slide like this,” I point out, showing him, it’s a very important part. “That’s how you get out. Then you and Okaasan can come in too.” I giggle as I trying to imagine them sliding out like that.
There are other things I want… but sometimes I don’t think so much about my father when Yamaguchi-san is around. I leave the book open and to the side as I plop back down on the futon, next to him.
The start of every year of the new calendar.
I nod, “I’ll remember.” That’s pretty easy… but I’ll have to think about what to do for him. Okaasan will help me. “What do you want? Then we can prepare too.”
Or when Okaasan makes melon juice.
A chuckle escapes me. So she remembered. “It’s best when you put some milk in it.”
Taking the book, I examine the picture closely and then hand it back. “I think we can manage that…” I pause, briefly considering whether I should tell her she is moving. “Perhaps you’ll visit somewhere colder and we can try.”
“What do you want? Then we can prepare too.”
“Surprise me.” I say and then get up. It’s about time we go. “Come Makoto, your mother should be done preparing breakfast and I have to leave for Tokyo today.”
Standing by the door I wait.
It’s best when you put some milk in it
I nod as I tie my hakama on. “That’s just how Okaasan makes it!”
I think we can manage that… Perhaps you’ll visit somewhere colder and we can try
“Oh!” I smile at him. At least he didn’t tell me it was a silly idea…
Come Makoto, your mother should be done preparing breakfast and I have to leave for Tokyo today.
I brush my hair as I listen to him. I -am- hungry… leaving? “You’re going back?” I ask, looking up at my uncle.
“You’re going back?”
She looks up and for a moment I consider. It is Hide’s birthday and it’s been a while since… I smile and pick up my girl. How was it that through all the ordeal, I could not at all guess she was mine?
“Yes uncle has quite a few things on his plate.” I chuckle as we descend the stairs with her in my arms. I’ll be missing quite a few things today but the longer I wait I realize I’m not doing any favors. “Give your mother a kiss after the tea party, tell her it’s from me ne?”
I like it so much when he picks me up. I hold on with my arms around his neck, and look at the ceiling and other things I don’t usually get to see.
Yes uncle has quite a few things on his plate
I nod, grown-ups do have a lot to do. “But you’ll come back soon?”
Give your mother a kiss after the tea party, tell her it’s from me ne?
“Alright!” All of a sudden I feel very very shy as I hug him tighter, and kiss his cheek, like I do to Okaasan. “This is from me,” I tell him, quietly.
I look over at him and tilt my head slightly. “Why would you give Okaasan kisses?”
I stop right before the kitchen surprised that Makoto just gave me a kiss. I’m stupefied for a moment and yet feel very warm. She blushes as I look at her but I nod my head approvingly.
“Why would you give Okaasan kisses?”
Now as if just what happened wasn’t enough to stun me… I realize I’ve just made a slip of the tongue. Holding her a few inches away, I run my hand through her straight hair…
Just like mine…
Clearing my throat, quickly I go for a decent excuse… She is smart after all.
“Well in certain European countries it is not uncommon for people to kiss the cheek as a form of greeting or expression. It simply means I like your mother…”
That’s a lie of course. I couldn’t just -like- her mother…
“I thought you knew about it? Didn’t you just give me one?” I grin and put her down, so she can go ahead in the kitchen.
He nods and I just feel -happy-.
It simply means I like your mother…
Realy? He does? “I think she likes you too!” I whisper. She smiles more… and maybe this is why the women in the kitchen were giggling when Okaasan took Yamaguchi-san lunch. “And I -know- grown-ups kiss, like the Mochizukis.” I giggle. It took them a minute to notice Isuzu-chan and I standing there that one time… they said hello for a long time. “But they’re -”
I blink, and look up at my uncle. Does he kiss Okaasan like -that-?
I thought you knew about it? Didn’t you just give me one?
I nod, smiling. “See? I like you too!” I pull on his hand to the kitchen, where something smells really good and it looks like Okaasan is making a -lot- of breakfast.
I’m literally dragged into the kitchen where I see Hide busy preparing. Finally Makoto lets go of my hand and I lean at the wall and start smoking. Well not just smoking but feasting my eyes on an agreeable figure. A chuckle escapes me.
I think I’ve just made a mess with Makoto. I hope she doesn’t ask too many questions after I leave.
Blowing a stream of smoke to the side, I wait and ponder what needs to be done in Tokyo.
I hear them before they come in the room… talking, and Makoto’s happy little laugh as she drags him into the kitchen. “Good morning,” I greet her as she comes to my side.
“Is all of this for my lunch?” She -investigates- what I have in progress, opening up the bento boxes. “I’m sending him away with some of my cooking,” I tell her. Makoto nods, and she seems so… happy. I look over at Hajime, whose eyes look at me in a way.
I bring some plates over to the table, and some finished dishes. I’m cooking a lot but do need to start getting ready to move. Or at least that’s the practical excuse… the truth is is that I enjoy cooking for the people I love.
And the two I cherish the most are in this small kitchen with me right now.
Over our daughter’s head I give Hajime a look… to let him know I see the one he’s giving me, as I think of things beyond this box… Makoto sits down and I go to where Hajime is leaning against the wall. I hand him his cup of coffee, and tell him, “breakfast is ready,” as I step up on my tip-toes to brush my lips against his cheek. Perhaps too soon in front of Makoto but our daughter will need to understand… that things will be changing.
But I’m surprised as she only looks -smug- and nods, looking at Hajime. “See? I -told- you.” I give both of them a look – what were they talking about?
I raise an eyebrow at Hide’s sudden display of affection. If Makoto wasn’t here, perhaps I’d tell her what I really think. Something along the lines of…
Shaking my head I look over at Makoto.
“See? I -told- you.”
“Indeed… Since your mother likes me so much,” Pausing, I take a sip of the coffee and grin at my daughter. “Perhaps she’d like to -invite- me to her birthday celebration today.”
One day shouldn’t make anymore of a difference -now-, would it?
OOC: Heh back again at least for now 😛
See? I -told- you.
I can only smile… what are they talking about?
What has Makoto noticed? I slide my arm around Hajime’s waist and give him a slight squeeze. Glad that Makoto seems to have taken my showing Hajime affection well. I thought at least she’d be a little confused but no…
Indeed… Since your mother likes me so much,
“Just -like-?” I say in a low voice, raising my eyebrows, glancing at him from the corners of my eyes. He knows of course… “I think it’s gone -far- beyond that.” With a grin I take my arm from around him and pick up my tea from the counter, taking a sip.
Perhaps she’d like to -invite- me to her birthday celebration today.
Oh… then he doesn’t have to leave right away? I smile, and with a look over to Makoto, who’s nodding, “ask him, ask him!” I laugh a little, putting down the tea, as I go to stand in front of Hajime, attempting to look -serious-.
“Hajime… would you please come to my birthday party this afternoon?” I look thoughtful. “Though you might wish to coordinate with the young lady who is planning this event…”
“You can help me get everything ready!” Makoto interrupts. She looks excited, eyes shining, half-rising up from her seat, her breakfast momentarily forgotten.
Softly, I look up into his eyes, reaching for his hand. “I would love… to have you with me today.”
And every other.
“You can help me get everything ready!”
“Yes but finish your breakfast… We have a lot to do.” I reply to Makoto, indicating that she should sit back down.
“I would love… to have you with me today.”
I turn slightly out of earshot of my daughter. Turning Hide’s hand over, I remember that day in Tokyo. She has small soft hands… They’re rougher now of course. Letting it go, I nod my head.
“Well you won’t have me the entire day.” I chuckle, “I plan to spend some time with Makoto after breakfast, so when we come back you better have something prepared that’s not -sweet-.”
I plan to spend some time with Makoto after breakfast, so when we come back you better have something prepared that’s not -sweet-
“I do want some time with you later…” I tell him in a soft voice before taking a step back.
“I will try to manage… I have been told that I’m an excellent cook.” I tease, going back over to the counter where I had started things for Hajime and Saya to take… that I can see to later since he’s staying for today. I glance over at the table where our daughter has resumed eating. She has a -healthy- appetite. “Eat breakfast too, before you go out running around.”
“Hn…” Finishing the coffee, I look over breakfast. Since I foresee quite a tasting later, I decide to go for some pickles. Casually dropping some on Makoto’s plate.
“Try the turnip. It looks horrendous but doesn’t taste as strong as the others.”
Closing the jar, I get up to stand behind Hide. “While Makoto and I are gone, make sure you think about my proposal -elsewhere-.”
Quickly, I turn on my heel and wait for Makoto outside. Now where are we off to first?
(OOC: Makoto may start a new thread)