When days stretches on like this I worry. It doesn’t matter what the reason was… All that mattered was that I was away. I remember those old days, when I was still bustling about pre-occupied with work, hardly remembering that I had a home to go to. I found joy in a job well done but afterwards I worried, worried about what I’ll find or what I’ll not when I do return. Maybe that’s why everytime I returned I remained aloof initially. It is difficult to pick up from where I left, months will do that to you. Of course it didn’t help that as the years went by my wife kept her distance too.
How odd… Now that things are different, how some things remain the same. My job reduced to what it is now, I find hardly any satisfaction in it. But now I have a home that I always think about when I’m away, that I am sure will be there when I return… It is wonderful to go home and feel at home, no animosity nor awkwardness. Just a warm place. Still I worry however even if I know nothing will change. My daughter carefully shielded by her mother from the odd passages of time, she is oblivious to our world. And Hide, she won’t change, her feelings for me and mine as well will at it’s very core remain unchanged. So what am I worrying for?
*lights a cigarette and sighs* Maybe I am just impatient. Or maybe I am worried that the slowly decaying mind of the ahou will take my reality along with it. I worry that -she- will stop coming, believing that something has changed in me as well. But nothing has truly changed except this overwhelming desire to move on with our lives as well. But what a frighteningly slow pace it is… What a frustrating situation this is.
*stands up from the riverbank to go back to his mindless night wanderings in the streets of Tokyo*